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female
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anonymous
writes: Since I met my boyfriend (7 yrs ago) I have gained forty pounds. More lately. I know that he is not finding me attractive at all because we would be physical in the past at least 3-4 times a week. Now it is more about once a month. It used to be more him looking for some contact and now I feel as if I am always the one initiating and he only wants mouth to mouth. I am not comfortable with the weight myself, it is just getting harder to lose. I don't really comment about it around him. It actually is an embarrassing conversation because I know I don't look as good as I used to. It would help if we could be a bit more intimate...and he would never admit my weight being the reasoning behind the lack of physical contact. Help me ! How should I handle this situation?Do I say I know I am fat but deal...I want to be physical and say I will eventually lose the weight for not only health reasons but for my own personal respect for now I want intimacy? Reply to this Question
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reader, Rebecca Batchelor +, writes (24 August 2005):
 I think the fact that you feel you are fat and also that your sex life has diminished is all contributing to your lack of self esteem. Of course, you don't know for sure that he no longer finds you attractive as that type of conversation doesn't happen.
I think it is time you made it happen. Communication is essential in a relationship otherwise assumptions can be made that are actually inaccurate.
Many couples who have been together for a long time find their sex life slips as the years go by.
There could be many other reasons for this happening in your relationship and this is what you need to find out.
Ask your boyfriend if he is happy with your sex life and tell him how you feel and that you are concerned. Talk together about ways to spice it up, speak of finding quality time together and learn to be communicative with each other. Explain how your confidence has faltered because you are always the one beginning intimacy with him; let him know how you feel for he can't read your mind.
Lose weight for yourself and the benefits it will give to your health and self esteem. Investigate ways of doing this such as diet and exercise and gather as much support as you can to enable you to be successful.
First and foremost, talk to your partner today.
A
female
reader, roni24  +, writes (24 August 2005):
 first thing first being overweight myself i know all to well of your problems you are not alone. i had similer issues with my husband , when i finally had the courage to talk to him about it and after many hurtful words and tears he finally admited that he felt that i pushed him away even though i tried initiating the sex he felt i was only doinit for him.like you i only wanted the closness i once felt ore wanting to feel that im am loved as i think the case is with you. i think you are under confident and your husband can sence this. the real issue hear is learning to accept yourself and put less pressure on yourself and your husband will see the confidence come back. do not diet for other people as this will make you more miserable in the long run, do it for yourself. if the case is that your husband has no feelings left for you then maybe the best thing would be for you to to part. but before any decisions are made sit down and have a heart to heart about how you feel and remember listen to his feeling s as well. i hope tings work out for you both
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