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male
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anonymous
writes: I've known this girl for a long time, and she was always just there. But for some reason, this year something changed. I never thought that I would believe she was the most beautiful girl in the world, but I do now. I've never been in love like this before. She's all I think about. We got together at the end of her senior year. I knew that I didn't want anything to ruin what I had found. I didn't want to let any of my bad habits get in the way. I quit drinking and smoking. I'm not interested in anyone else, so I never flirt anymore either. She still drinks and flirts, but it's fine because she can do whatever she wants. And when she would go out with her friends, which was nearly every night, I couldn't help thinking of what she was doing. Everything that I overheard about how "easy" she was made me so insecure. I didn't want to believe that she'd cheat on me because I didn't want anything to be wrong with us. But I knew that she didn't take our relationship seriously. She thought it was just for fun. I was just the one who was always there when she needed me, or had nothing, or no one else, to do. She had no idea how in love with her I was. When I started to show her, she broke it off. She could be with any guy she wants, and she wants there to be no commitment. But when I was with her, I knew we were meant to be together. So when we broke up, I tried to call, wrote her, texted her, and did everything I could to try to get through to her. But she just ignores me, and now she's gone to college 3 hours away. I have no way to reach her but over the internet, or the phone. But she never responds. I can't lose the love of my life. How can I get through to her?
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, Rebecca Batchelor +, writes (24 August 2005):
 I'm really sorry but everything you are saying here sounds like she just isn't at all keen on an emotional and committed relationship. She doesn't just not want that with you, it would apply to anyone I'm afraid. You have done all you can; you have tried in vain to contact her but she appears to not want to know.
Okay, so you could go to her college and demand she talks to you but she may rebuff you, even humiliate you if you once again declare your love for her.
You could continue to try and get in contact with her through the internet but she may never respond.
She didn't take your relationship seriously when you were together and you were never entirely sure of what she was up to when you were apart. I believe it is time for you to face two essential points. 1. She isn't ready for a committed relationship (that isn't to say she never will be and one day she may want to be with you but by then, hopefully, you will have moved on, despite all you feel now). 2. One of the reasons why you might want her so much is because she is unattainable. We often want what we can't have, simply because it seems we can't have it. Okay, I know, you don't think that is the case here but I think you need to consider that because this girl is and always really has been such a challenge, it has a tendency to make the love hormones soar.
So what to do?
Simple to write, hard to do. Get over it and find someone else, someone on the same wavelength as you who wants a proper relationship not a casual one. Let's say you and your ex-girlfriend do get back together again because she suddenly realises she lost a good thing. What if after the initial rosy meeting she slips back into socialising with her mates while you are at home wondering what she's up to because she has a slightly different view of a relationship to you, and you know you are the only one really making all the effort. Despite what you feel for her, you will be miserable.
Instead, get out there and find someone else. Extend your social life, meet up with some old friends, try some new pursuit, go on an internet dating site...The possibilities are endless.
Don't send her another email/letter or ring her or anything. Of course, there is a possibility she may get in contact with you if you go really quiet (which is what you really wanted to hear, I know) because then the ball would be in her court and she would no longer be feeling the benefits of being pursued. However, by then you will be having an active social life with the possibility of romance on the horizon.
So give up when it comes to this girl but don't give up on life!
Good luck.
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