A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:My boyfriend and I have been together for ten months today. And last night, we both gave each other our virginities.I am very tight though, it was our second attempt, But I finally had relaxed and found a position to get it in. I was in so much pain and he was scared of hurting me so he didn't penetrate too deep, I was telling him to stop going deeper as the pain wasn't bearable at that stage and he pulled out for a moment. Which my mother then came home hours early from work so we has to stop :/He had been erect for at least an hour whilst giving me oral before that aswell, and the whole time he was penetrating me and he didn't get the chance to finish off which may this have effect on what happened?We then had to go out to this bday party, came home, relaxed a little, then when everyone else had gone to sleep, things started heating up again.We spoke about what happened earlier and I felt a bit confused to whether I was still a virgin or not. Yes he penetrated me, but it was a slow process because I was so tight so it took about 15mins for him to get probably 3.5 inches in, and was only a small amount of thrusting and then we were interrupted. So didn't really feel as though it counted as sex. But we decided to try it out again. It was still painful, and the first 5 minutes were slow, we were in missionary, and then he started thrusting, and deeper penetration and the deeper he was in the more comfortable and natural it started to feel. He however is much taller than me, and because of the only angle he could penetrate me from, he felt a little awkward and he had a bit of trouble thrusting in missionary. We tried out other positions even got a little rough at times and we were both enjoying it and he assured me of this and I could tell by his breathing/expressions etc.We were a little awkward when changing positions and we did talk in between them about if he wanted me to continue as I was in pain and when we tried other positions that we could thrust easier that wouldn't cause me too much pain and they failed there was always that pause in between. It was both our first times so we were both pretty nervous and a bit like 'what do you want now?'AND in between it all, my bed was squeaking so we has moved to the floor in which I have wooden floors so had to move blankets as well. In other words, it wasn't very, I dunno the word but it was broken up. After about forty minutes I'm guessing, (I don't know how it went that fast) but there were noises in the house of something walking around so we stopped to make sure we wouldn't get caught in the middle of it, (although it was about 2am in the morning) - and after trying to figure out for several minutes why it sounded like someone was walking outside my door, to realise it was the floor boards he was kneeling on, he went soft - expected we were sitting there about to shit ourselves that my mum was going to walk in.I touched him which always gets him hard again, however nothing was changing. He was still enjoying it and I pointed out that he was soft, and he was like what are you serious? He was still very turned on and it felt like to him that he was still erect, and his penis wasn't exactly soft, guess I could describe it as 'inflated', but it shrunk to the size of a flaccid penis, and with me touching it, it wasn't becomming erect again. Extremely odd for us.Which of course ended things and I got upset, as did he. I felt like it was my fault, and he felt like something was wrong with him. He came to the conclusion that worrying we were about to get caught by my mum was what put him off. So please, advice on what happened? I'm guessing that him being tired could have had something to do with this, we were both very tired and it was very late. I feel a bit disappointed that he didn't finish, although we awkwardly changed positions and moved to the floor between it all, he expressed how enjoyable it was and I'm not sure why he didn't finish, if it wasn't pleasurable for him I think he would have gone soft and I could tell he loved it, just was nervous and scared about hurting me.So please, advice? Anything to make either of us feel any better?
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erection, still a virgin Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (17 October 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionTo all of you who answered, thankyou so much! Good to hear that it's nothing bad.
And MonksDaBomb - yes did plenty of foreplay, the first time he penetrated me there was some, but we also used a lot of lube. And the second time we got to it a few hours later, he gave me oral for about half an hour and about four orgasms later, I was very well self lubricated, and we also used a lot of lube.
And also thankyou for your concern about my age and protection, we used a condom and I am on the pill as well. The main reason why didn't try having sex months ago was because we both wanted me on the pill as well as using a condom for double protection - and my mum wasn't so keen on the idea of me going on the pill so it took a few months for me to get my license, to get to a doctor, to get on the pill.
And to all of you who said find some privacy, where noone can walk in on us, very hard at the moment with both of us still living at home, but in 3 months we're moving away and in together, so just have to find ways around it until then!
Thanks heaps guys! :)
A
female
reader, boo22  +, writes (17 October 2011):
 Hi I think there is a lot of pressure around for sex to be perfect and amazing like it's portrayed in the movies and on tv.
Real life sex is something else! Lots of people find having sex with there partner awkward for the first few times, it's perfectly normal but that isn't what we are led to believe.
It wasn't exactly the perfect scenario for you two with all those distractions, and remember there's far more pressure on your bf to perform than there is on you.
You'll get into it when you've had a few more goes. Enjoy x
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A
male
reader, JustHelpinAgain  +, writes (16 October 2011):
Let me add from a mans pespctive that it is totally normal for the penis to lose interest if the owner is distracted. It may look and behave a bit like a robot but it is controlled by the brain and it really doesn't help having to listen out for parents or avoid telltail squeeks. We have children that run around and that doesnt help, and if the phone rings, etc sometimes its easier to try again later! Work on getting some quality time alone.
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A
female
reader, charliesdevil73  +, writes (16 October 2011):
 First of all, men lose their erections for many reasons so don't think either of you are at fault for him losing his. He was probably just worried about being discovered or maybe his body was just tired. And when this happens again (trust me it will) don't ever think you are to blame. My husband loses his erection from time to time, sometimes from being too tired and others because he was drinking too much. Men can't always control what that part of their body does.
Second, you will probably experience pain for a couple more times when you have sex. It is something your body has to get used to. But, the vagina is made to stretch for sex and birth, so it will get better after time. Some women have no pain at all their first time and others have pain for the first few times. Just ask your boyfriend to be gentle and patient with you until you can handle it. Their is a website (http://www.sexinfo101.com/sexualpositions.shtml) that has 3D sex positions and shows a little how to do them. It might be something you want to check out and see if there is anything you think would be more comfortable for you. And, if you feel comfortable with it, ask your boyfriend to look at it also or look together. Since he is your first sex partner, it might seem awkward looking at the website with him, but it is completely normal to want to get your boyfriend's opinion on this type of thing.
Lastly, no you are not a virgin anymore. Any penetration of the penis into the vagina is considered sex.
Good luck with it all :)
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A
female
reader, MonksDaBomb +, writes (16 October 2011):
 No surprise he went soft - he was probably worried about the two of you getting caught and that can definitely affect a mood!
A couple things I want to mention:
1) You said you were in so much pain both times he penetrated you. Did you two do enough foreplay? Sometimes first times can hurt because we are so tight down there and you might still have your hymen (although some women lose their hymen from doing strenuous activity before they first have sex). Foreplay is a MUST, especially for a virgin!!
2) Doesn't matter how awkward or how little he penetrated you: he penetrated you, so you are no longer a virgin.
3) A little tip for you in regards to your height difference. My fiance is a foot taller than I am and he sometimes puts his feet on top of mine - sort of uses them as stirrups - and it gives added "oomph" when he thrusts. Works like a charm, so don't worry about the height ;)
4) You are quite young to be having sex, so please use protection!
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A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (16 October 2011):
 I agree here, it is not his fault or your fault. My guess was that it was because he was anxious because he thought that you where going to be caught by your mother. So you both need to move on from it and not make it in to a big deal because it is not a big deal it happens all of the time.
Next time try and have the house to yourselves and enjoy practising to make perfection. Also it is going to be quite painful the first few times. Obviously not as bad as the first time. But you don't mention did you use lubrication? If not well then buy some before you have sex again so that it is a lot more comfortable. So just relax and enjoy getting to know each others bodies.
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A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (16 October 2011):
 There's no fault that he got soft. Sounds like there was a lot of anxiety over the people walking in and his worrying about your pain and your playing around with positions. Whatever you do, don't get upset! There are 600,000 opportunities to perfect the craft, so to speak, so don't get upset when first times are awkward fumbling affairs. That's what they are!
Keep at it, and maybe make sure there's no possibility of someone walking in on you? The idea is to have a sense of fun, patience, and it won't keep hurting you like this. If you know that it's supposed to be awkward at first, neither of you will be dismayed.
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