A
male
age
30-35,
*ere2HelpU
writes:Hi Everyone,Im a bit embarrassed and scared as I type this, but i desperately need your help. I met a girl 4 months ago and we have been in a relationship now for a month and a half, but a lot of the time we sadly argue, twice a week we fall out and have arguments and disagreements over texts, although we have days were we are amazing together and it makes us so happy to be with each other, we really do appreciate each other.I got cheated on in my last relationship and did not trust my ex for the year i was with her so we eventually broke up. My girlfriend i'm with now was cheated on and it took her years to trust again and she says she has found it in me as we are both extremely loyal she has a close relationship with her mum and even she has told me this. For once in our lives we have both said we trust one another completely.But sadly we keep stupidly falling out over stuff the majority of the time I'm in the wrong and sometimes she is in the wrong but it really does upset us and we keep saying things will get better between us but we keep having disagreements and arguments even though some times we will go days with out them. We are so so good together please believe me when i say that. We go out our way to bring each other gifts and so on. We tell each other how we want all these stupid arguments to stop and how we will look back on that stick patch and laugh about it cause in the future we will be fine.We see each other 3/4 times a week but then text from when we wake up till we fall asleep. Neither of us will walk away from this relationship cause we want it to work and i firmly believe it is something special. She has just started her first job and i have just started a job also.Im trying to say, please help me, give me advice what can me and my precious girlfriend do to stop this sticky patch and stop the arguments and disagreements. I know we should not be having these problems early on. Im begging you please help my relationship.
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reader, anonymous, writes (22 June 2014): You both seem to be doing the right thing. Arguments are a way of sharing a disagreement with each other. As long as they're getting too heated. When I have a disagreement with my other half we end up laughing in the end cause its silly to worry about things like that.
If you both want this relationship to work then dicuss things calmly and dont let youself get annoyed that you begin to argue. If you disagree with something then say you disagree and explain why but you dont need to argue. If one of you starts an argument then the other one should walk away for some time and let the air cool then go back and discuss things.
I do this as part of my relationship sometimes and I have never went to bed with a disagreement on my mind. We always make the time to talk to one another calmly and discuss things.
Hope your relationship works out.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 June 2014): I have noticed that most of my relationships started with more arguing in the first six months than later on. It was a time of intense emotions, and the relationship is so important, that every conversation, every comment, every text, every email, is analysed and taken very seriously. It is great that you are discussing problems as they arise, and the fact the discussions are in the form of an argument, is ok in my book. As long as you are listening to each other, and compromising or making adjustments that caused the arguments. It is so much better to be passionate/argue than to be indifferent and no longer care, which in turn has no arguing (in my experience). As time passes, and you get to know and understand eachother more and better, It is likely your arguments will decrease.Make sure when you argue, there is NO NAME CALLING, that you take turns in LISTENING to each other, that you TAKE TIME TO COOL DOWN then come back together when you are calm, and make up/hold eachother. If one of you says sorry, it is helpful if the other says sorry too.... it adds goodwill.When you argue...always discuss the issues that caused it, find clarity, and work out what to do 'next time' to make sure you understand each other.
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