A
female
age
,
*ashful3
writes:I need real good advice stressing me out My boyfriend lost his mom whom he lived with June 9th this year we are neighbors same apt building him and his sister went back to Maryland for 2 weeks bome next weekend.They felt mom baby him to much and have left him with either moving back home or if he wonts move in with me and my 21 year old special needs daughter wont to get him a 1 bedroom apartment.They him to be indepent he suffers with seizures and sure should not be alone there were 8 of them one sister has passedhis 3 sisters one is married all to me like to go when they wont to one seems to not wont anybody living with her.His 2 brothers one does not seem to go much his son daughter youg son live with him he is staying with him now sleeping down in the basment he has a nice home other one I do not know how much him and his girlfriend go.Today he mentioned him and one staying with he asked would me and my daughter like to move there get a house live with him I told him I am not saying yes or no I would be possible have to visit I live in Roanoke,Va.His sister said she bring him down visit but that will be on her time she worksThis is makking me crazy him gone we been together 2 years I have been suffering with my stomach hurting at times like crazy hurting now he move I know I am not going to be any good my daughter is crazy about him to.Some same they are going to be asking him for money he is very quite easygoing then sometimes I feel he may be lonely how often they going to visit drop by even though they are a big family they lived here 9 years, I am down here seems like God knows what they are doing up therefor real.
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reader, anonymous, writes (24 June 2014): I don't really think it is a good idea for you to move if your boyfriend's family is too much to deal with; in addition to you having a young-adult special-needs daughter.
That could involve a lot of expense. If she sees a therapist, or receives special rehabilitation for her disability. Transferring out of state, and replacing of all that would be a lot of work. You'll need new doctors and specialists. All states don't offer the exact same medical health-benefit programs.
All three of you cannot fit into a one-bedroom apartment comfortably. Most tenant-ordinances and landlords wouldn't allow that anyway. Don't forget he also has a son who depends on him.
Even though you and your daughter may be crazy about the man, I think you have to let maturity and common-sense takeover. I think it would be better to break your emotional-attachment to this man. I don't think it would be a good idea to move and stay with him; and be totally dependent with no marital-rights.
He could want you and your daughter to move out anytime he pleases. He suddenly makes decisions to relocate, and he didn't include you. Maybe his grief over-took him, but he didn't plan anything out to include you two. He makes a grand offer after he realizes how upset you are about it.
He also knows your moving is impractical.
He isn't asking you to marry him, and you would be totally dependent on him for shelter and whatever else until your were yourself all set.
Uprooting yourself is just not a good idea, when his family-life is so unstable. He's not even sure where he's going to end-up himself.
Do you work? You don't mention anything about your source of income. You'll have to find a new job over 50? Good luck with that!
Your daughter probably receives social security disability income, and maybe you do yourself. That's not a lot to live on. I don't mean to presume what your income is, but I can only guess. Your living-situation is stable and secure as it is. Don't go chasing after some boyfriend, who decides to take off on the spur of the moment.
He may not be financially secure enough to help support both of you immediately after the move. If you do decide to move, give him at least a year to get his living arrangements and financial situation in order.
His sister was warning you that he was babied by his mom; so he may not be very reliable. She just didn't put it in those words. You only know the guy living as a neighbor, who could conveniently visit at anytime. He has his own apartment. That's all going to change.
Don't rush down there until you know he can handle two more people in his life. He may be making an offer he can't live-up to.
He suddenly decides to move away, without making arrangements for you two? That says he wasn't really ready to include you in his plans. Even though you're his girlfriend.
You have a disabled daughter to protect and take care of. How would a big move affect her?
Essentially, he has broken-up with you in a sneaky way. He just tells you he's moving on short-notice That can be pretty hard on you. You haven't had time to soak it all in.
You seem like a very loving and caring woman. Things just wouldn't work in your favor; if he moved-in on you and your daughter. He knows that. You may not have enough room either. Forgetting his son comes with the package! Plus his family sounds like a handful, and that's too much for your nerves to handle. Caring for your daughter is enough on you.
See your doctor to make sure you're not developing ulcers.
That would help with the pains you're feeling in your stomach. Rest and try to sleep, and that will alleviate a lot of your anxiety. Rally your girlfriends and sisters together to support you through your grief and pain.
Accept that there is nothing you can or should do, about his leaving. Take care of yourself. If you worship, have some of your fellow-worshipers over to keep you company, and comfort you.
Contact the closest members of your own family to sit with you, and get your mind off things. You may need to get out of the house a little, and maybe take a trip. Let someone in your family sit with your daughter, while you visit some family out of town. When your boyfriend gets settled-in; you can always go on a trip and visit with him.
God rest your soul, dear lady!
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