A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:My boyfriend is much older than me and we have been together about 10 years. A couple years ago I went back to school with his encouragement so that I can make decent money when he's no longer here. He's the most generous person and treats me and my children like queens.....well 350 days of the year. He has this friend that he worships for some odd reason. The guy is a complete sociopath cocaine addict, he's in his 50's and dates 20 year olds. In the first few years of our relationship I was invited to these visits. The friend was always having his young girlfriend take off her clothes and run around all doped up and flirting with all his friends. The partys. Were just always crazy. Well they were a bit too much for me and because I didn't appreciate the women sticking their breast in my boyfriend's face, his friend started to dislike me and no longer invite me. Now don't get me wrong, these events never lead to any sex that I saw, he was just trying to show off his young cute girlfriends just his friends. The last couple of years I haven't been invited and I have given my boyfriend a lot of shit about him going without me mostly if there are going to be me these women present. He promises every year that he'll talk to his friends and I'll be invited the next time. Well guess what? His friend called today and said invited him on A hiking trip " guys only" which I think is just code for don't bring Your girl because the last few time he's said this, 2-3 woman appear in the pictures). Why won't he stick up for me with this guy? Am I over exaggerating? Should I give him this couple weekends of fun since he's so great the rest of the time. Or is my guy totally selfish and treating me wrong? He knows it hurts me every time he leaves me to go on these trips, he knows I'm worried, but if I throw such a huge fit then he actually will threaten to leave me knowing that I am completely dependent on him right now. My boyfriend gets so angry when I mentioned his friend and how I don't like this trips, and I'm basically told to shut up or get out what do you think is wrong with him or is it me?
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reader, anonymous, writes (26 June 2014): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for the reply but I have not had to worry about it as his friend was found dead of a overdose last weekend. I'm good with all the other friends so, guess I won't have any problems going forward. I hate being blunt, but he's one less loser in the world.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (25 June 2014): It's a yearly trip and you claim to trust your boyfriend.
He doesn't need your permission to go. I suppose he has made that abundantly clear.
Take the time alone to think about whether he's worth remaining his girlfriend, under the conditions that you've described. You don't stay with someone under alleged mistreatment and disrespect; because you want to use them. Or, that you're financially dependent on them.
You killed your welcome by acting like a jealous and judgmental girlfriend. In fairness to you, I find it suspicious that your boyfriend would go so far as to threaten to breakup with you, for being upset about him going to a drugged-up titty-party with a coke-headed friend. Would he mind if you went to a "lady's only" party with hunky muscled men with their big ole sausages hanging out?
What he's basically telling you is this. You're not his mother or his wife; and he can basically do as he pleases.
That's his long-time buddy, and this is their once-a-year celebration; and he isn't going to look p-whipped to his friend. Even if it pisses you off. Making his friends your enemies isn't very smart of you. Fake it if you must. It's now too late. You've burnt that bridge.
You have the option to leave him if this is too much for you. You have to convince your boyfriend without coming off too pushy that he shouldn't be invited to parties without you; if other women are allowed to be there. That just isn't fair.
If you can't convince him, dump him. Otherwise; your only choice is to put up with it, if you're depending on him to take care of you. Until you're on you own feet, you're pretty much at his mercy. Once you get your act together,
get out of there.
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