A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I have been with my girlfriend for 2 and a half years. About 3 months ago we decided to move out together, however we moved to a different town, not too far from home, maybe about 2 hours. At first I was happy and enjoying the new change, but within a matter of weeks that started to change and I became really down and miserable. We both thought it was due to the job I was working at which I wasn't enjoying at all, so since then I have moved on to another job. I think it was partly to do with that but I feel like there were other factors, such as I missed home a lot and lots of other little things. The problem in our relationship is we have always bickered and had arguments, most of the time over silly little things, but somehow these arguments develop into bigger and nastier fights. A few times now we have spoken about breaking up and we say that we would be happier if I moved back home. But we always seem to make a u-turn and say that we will try again and see if we can make it work. Its got to the point for me now where we have argued so much (a few weeks ago I just couldn't be bothered to fix anything) that I just don't want to keep trying any more, I don't want to keep seeing her cry all the time so I think to myself that its best to leave her and in the long run she will be happier. At the end of our bigger arguments she always begs me to stay because she says she loves me too much, I do ask her why she is so in love with me still because I don't understand why you would be with someone you fight with so much. I feel like I do love her but I am not in love, certainly not with this relationship. I feel terrible telling her but I have said to her I don't really look forward to getting home to her or even getting a day off with her which we don't tend to very often because of our jobs. The thing is I keep breaking her heart with the things I say to her and I don't feel like I can keep doing it. If I do break up and go home there would be no going back, I think deep down I know I need to leave but I am finding it so hard to go through with and so is she.Thank you for any advice. Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (23 October 2015): Incompatibility is why people argue a lot, especially over little things. You might be a moody and touchy person, and very little sets you off. You're an adult. Being away from home (only two hours, mind you) is no excuse for being a jerk to your girlfriend.
You're both tired of each other, and only stay together out of complacency and convenience. You're too lazy to deal with what it takes to pull together a life of independence, when co-dependency has been much more comfortable. Aside from snapping at each other like a couple of mean little terriers.
She is too in-love with being in-love, and needy. So that translates into clingy. You are homesick after making a very grownup decision, and jobs are not always fun. They are necessary to pay the bills and the rent; especially if you want to find your own place to live. Now you'll have to quit yet again; if you decide to move back closer to home.
Good jobs are hard to come-by, harder to keep. It gets even harder to snag one when you go from one to the next. Maybe you might need to gain more work experience; or get more education to get a better one you'll like.
Touchy and clingy are a bad match. You may have started out okay, but you didn't adjust well to living together. It's totally illogical that you moved in together, when you bicker a lot. Wouldn't it make more sense to workout your differences first? Your dislike for your old job only exacerbated the problem, but it gave you a convenient excuse for being moody! You weren't being honest at all, and you still aren't. You want out of the relationship.
All that other stuff is excuses for being irritable and short-tempered. You're stuck.
You felt pressured by your girlfriend to move-in together, and you feel even more pressured and confined by your relationship. She's more into you, then you're into her.
Move back home, let her go back to her family; and consider going your separate ways. You feel trapped. She's a drama-queen, and you can't stand all the tears, dramatics, and emotionalizing she performs when she sees you pulling away. So you sit still and snap when she plucks the last of your nerves. So...how much of this is right?
Be honest. Tell her the truth. You want out. You're not happy and you feel smothered. It will break her heart, but it's better than letting yourself get so full of resentment that you may say horrible things and get abusive. So tell the truth and make another adult-decision.
A
female
reader, chipmunk37 +, writes (22 October 2015):
 It will be really hard on you both to break up but it will be harder on you still to stay together in a relationship that is this difficult and makes you so unhappy. Life is too short to waste time in something that just plain is not going to work. You need to break it off as clean and pain free for both of you as you can. You are right, you won't be able to go back so look to the future and the horizon and new opportunities awaiting you.
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