A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I have been dating my girlfriend for 2.5 years and everything was fine until a couple of weeks ago. I moved home after graduating from college and she is still at school for another semester. The long distance was going well, I would visit her and then she would visit me. A little background info: We broke up after 1.5 years last summer, she begged for me back, saying how she doesn't think that she will ever love someone like me ever again and that she made a huge mistake. i took her back after we worked some things out. Everything was great for the past year until the last 2 weeks. The problems started when she started her internship. Now she works all day everyday and is so busy that she barely has time to talk to me. I understand that she is busy and can't text back and forth like we used to, but now I can barely get a word out of her. i asked her if we were okay and she said that I needed to relax and that she is just stressed. The next day she sends me a text saying: that she is concerned about where I want to go in life and that it concerns her. This is from the same girl that begged for me back and wanted us to last forever and wanted me to be the father of her kids.I decided to giver her a little space so that I don't come off as needy. But she only seems to want to talk when I ignore her and she wonders why i do not talk to her anymore. We barely say I love you anymore and it seems like we are growing apart. i do love her more than anything and could see us raising a family together. I get that she is stressed but I would think that she would want to talk to the person she loves for comfort. Is this a phase? or should I just end it so I will be able to move on? i have been able to move on in the past but am confused on what to do.
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (14 July 2011):
 Ask her what she wants. My guess is, she doesn't know herself and doesn't know what she wants. I've seen it all too many times, and it sucks. One day they're all "I want to marry you, have your children, be with you forever and ever" or some other grand declaration of love. I've been called "the love of my life", "the greatest love of my life", been proposed to, asked to move in with, heard the words "I feel at home only when I'm with you", and all the other romantic things you can imagine.
It sure sounds nice. But what did all of these men do, that said all of these things? They said "I am not sure, I don't know". Suddenly they got unsure of things, then about me, about the relationship, about their feelings for me.
I've learned the hard way, much like this will tear you apart as well, that when a person says "I don't know how I feel" or "I don't know what I want" it is time to leave. When you think about it it makes sense. When you are with the one you love and are happy, you would know what you wanted, you would know that that is what you wanted. If you want something else you might say that you aren't sure what you want, because you are considering several options. One being leaving the current relationship. This means they aren't fully committed. And that the relationship is ending.
Your girlfriend hasn't exactly said "I don't know what I want" yet, but she sounds like she's moving in that area. If she is simply raising a concern with you "I am worried what you will do with your future" and wants to help out/hear a plan/plan for the future with you and needs to know where you stand, then there is something you and her can work on and sort out.
But if her conclusion leads to "I don't know if this relationship can survive" then you need to cut your losses.
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