A
female
age
36-40,
*errie85
writes:hi im having a bit of relationship problems,i have been with my partner for 4yrs now and i have quiet a high sex drive to b honest(well im only 22)we used to have a great sex life but lately we dont. i know hes not playing away because we r always together.we barely have intercourse 3 times a week, wer b4 we had it bout 4-5times a week sumtimes more. i know wen your together a while intercourse doesnt happen as often but ive even tried spicen it up like getin outa da bath and wearing sexy things but he turned me down sayin hes tired or not in da mood. ive even walked about after a bath upstairs in sexy underwear but he doesnt even comment on it. he used to be soo loving and caring,its not just sex...thers not as much cuddles or anything.im lost on how to get things bk on track i need advice, i love him soo much i dont wana loose him, its affecting my confidence greatly which is something that i need because im starting a career in modelling. i know this situation isnt to do with my modelling because im only starting out and this has been going on for bout a year but every mth its getting worse,i feel asif im not sexy enough or slim enough,ive always had a problem with with my weight.. not psysically but mentally. please i need advice on how to keep him xx
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 December 2007): All I can think of is that sometimes your emotional connection with a person affects your level of intimacy. Sex aside, how well do you guys get along? Do you feel a strong connection with him? Are your conversations good? Do you feel he still respects you? Or have you guys been fighting alot? Do you remind him all the time about your insecurities? Cause that is a big NO NO. Look a relationship is something you have to work at continually. Like when you first meet someone you try so hard to be perfect and be a good listener and not waste words and just whatever. But sometimes when you have been with a person for a long time, you get used to each other and you forget how to keep the spark alive. You are so used to that person that maybe you change and you talk to them like a friend rather than a lover and stuff like that. And little by little that can wear away the attraction that a guy initially felt for you. To me it just sounds like there is something emotionally missing from this relationship, perhaps due to years of resentment accumulating. I've been there and I don't know how to fix that. I can't be sure that this is the problem but it is only a possibility. In any case, what I do know is that you need to STOP being so insecure. You are a model and I am sure your beautiful. But there is nothing worse than a insecure person. And just because you are a model, if you are insecure, any girl who you might think is not as good looking as you, if she is CONFIDENT, she is going to appear alot more attractive than you. This is a FACT. So regardless of how he is acting right now, the best thing you can do for yourself is work on your confidence. Trust yourself. Believe in yourself. And DO NOT talk to him about your insecurities. It is a bad time to right now.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (15 December 2007): Sex three times a week isn't too bad, at least you're still having sex! Perhaps he feels you're pressuring him into having sex more often than he feels comfortable with, and as far as he's concerned it could be more like a chore if you expect it every day. As I've said so often before, think quality rather than quantity.
I assume that because you're about to become a model your figure is on the small side, and coupled with that you say you have a mental problem with your weight. You don't say whether the problem is you thinking you're too big or too small. I'm clutching at straws here, but maybe you're more interested in your weight than him?
It sounds to me like he's a lucky boy having a model on his arm, but beauty, confidence and sexiness come from within, and although sexy underwear is a definite enhancement, the other qualities must also be there.
I doubt you'll lose him, it's just that you have slightly different needs where sex is concerned, but there's not that big a gap between them so I wouldn't worry too much.
Phil
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