A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:me and my girlfriend argue alot of the smallest things. we really want to make our relationship work and my girlfriend told me if we don't stop arguing then she will leave me. what can i do? thank you Reply to this Question
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male
reader, seriously4fun  +, writes (24 November 2008):
Got the same problem but I know that when I constant find the opposing view, it is only a habit, a habit of the mind but, I agree, too much can wreck the relationship. I also found that it didn't matter if my view was different or not but listening to her view allowed me a window to her soul. Changing my arguing habit was hard work but it gets easier. I found that preparing not to argue works. Prepare how to respond to something she says by choosing an alternative response: maybe just listen; ask if she really thinks that way; ask why she thinks like that etc. Be earnest just to listen and not to create a response. Your friends will use other methods. A conversation doesn't have to be an argument . And if you find she is the one arguing then sincerely ask her why and listen to the answer, you don't have to respond. don't be afraid she will win the argument when you listen. My partner's response sometimes is to find something silly in our conversation and laugh (honestly not sarcastically). I wish I could do that, maybe I will practice that. Good luck mate.
A
female
reader, YummyMummy +, writes (4 August 2007):
 You're welcome hun.
Good luck!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (4 August 2007): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthank you all so much for your help. it is really helpful advice
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A
female
reader, YummyMummy +, writes (4 August 2007):
Knowing when to stop is a good thing. Me and my guy argue over stupid things aswell but we both know when to walk away because it is silly. Either that or one of us starts laughing and that sets the other off. I wouldn't just laugh at your girlfriend though.
You both need to realise when the argument is stupid to stop, not carrying on biting each others heads off. If that means going out for a walk to give you both time to chill out then do that.
Me and my guy have a word we use when we feel the argument is stupid or pointless. Whoever feels like that says the word and we have to stop arguing. It sounds like a little kids game but it does work.
xxxxxx
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (4 August 2007): I agree with Donna, below. You both have to just stop and think about what you are going to say thatwill start the argument. The reasons a lot of couples argue can attributed to a number of things. It could be a clash of two strong willed people where both of you, like to win and have your own way. Or maybe one of you is way too hyper sensitive and take comments from the other, in the the wrong way. Basically even though you love each other, maybe you both have personalities that don't mesh well. It's plain that arguing is taking a big toll on your relationship. The only way to do this, is one of you just has to decide to stop...stop allowing yourselves to get baited into arguing. You can't argue if the other refuses to. Quite simple actually. To do this, you both have to watch out for triggers that begin the arguments. And you both have to learn to respect each other a lot more. I suggest you both sit down and discuss how you can handle these 'triggers' and make a promise to start understanding each other. Learn to get in the habit of using some rationale and forethought as to how you will react to the other's comments and personality quirks. This will take effort and hard work on both your parts and it will be a long term process. Amazing what patience, maturity and understanding will do for a relationship. Good luck to you both.
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A
male
reader, GreenTea  +, writes (4 August 2007):
realise that what your arguing about doesen't matter. and be the man and LET IT GO.
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A
female
reader, BEEN THERE DONE IT +, writes (4 August 2007):
 Well babes,
Its the silly little arguements that drive us mad, but if you truely love one another then you will have to find ways of stopping yourself and of course her too.... try counting to ten take ten big deep breaths before you start a silly arguement see if this helps....
If this fails walk away have ten minute thinking time areally think is this worth argueing over????
Good luck hun,
Hope this has helped in some way, I'm sure you love her loads to have asked for advise what a nice guy you are
Love Donna xx
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