A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:Hi!Hoping someone might be able to give me some advice...I've been married for just over 4 years and we were together for 2 years before this.We've always had quite an erratic relationship - we're both very stubborn, and arguments have always been part of our relationship.However, we now have 10 month old twins, and our relationship has nosedived. We argue non-stop, I know partly this is due to tiredness (on my part) as my husband doesn't help that much. He also left a very well paid job to see if he could 'go it alone'. The problems been made more difficult as he is now home all the time and is constantly questioning me and moaning about what I haven't done, where I'm going, who I'm seeing... I never feel he praises me just that he constantly criticises what I'm doing. I am currently on maternity leave and wasn't planning on going back to work, but after further rows about money and being told that as he now doesn't have a guaranteed salary I should pull the belt in. Whilst I don't have a problem with this, I do feel resentful especially as it was his decission to leave his job. He's also now saying (during arguments) that I will have to ask him each time I want any money and to prove why I need it.I just feel that my husband has changed so much. I know he doesn't trust me - he won't put my name on the deeds of the property, even though I sold mine and the majority of the proceeds went into it. All in all, I just don't feel like an equal in this marriage. I'm concerned that these arguments (although not violent) are getting more and more out of hand. I'm worried that this will eventually affect the babies.Could anyone give me any advice on what I should try and do? We keep 'trying' but it only lasts a matter of hours - should I just realise this is the end of the road and move on?Many thanks
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, Dangly +, writes (2 January 2008):
talk to him, tell him everything, how your feeling, dont ask us, we dont know your husband. All men are stubborn and all women are stubborn, he is probably stressed and so are you. Bite your lip and take his nonsense if u love him.
A
female
reader, rockelle  +, writes (2 January 2008):
 I think that when it is time to move on you will know. Marriage is hard work and two small children do not make life any easier. I suggest that you think about what it is that is making you unhappy and try and talk with your husband on what can be done to correct what has gone wrong that has you upset. As far as the your name being on the deed to the house that is an important issue and you need to figure out why he would object to your name being on the deed. Is he anticipating a divorce? As women we you need to protect yourself and your children emotionally, physically, as well as financially. I encourage you to talk with him and if you are not getting through to him maybe some marriage counseling will help. It is certainly wort all the effort you are putting into this marriage, but it makes no sense to be unhappy if you do not have to be. Then if counseling and talking and trying to make things work do not help you can rest easy knowing that you have made a sincere effort to make your marriage work. Good Luck.
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