A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Need your opinion!!Just found out my boyfriend who is 34, reads the Sun newspaper daily. He says he doesn't buy it for the page 3 girls but has admitted to having a look and reading the sleazy Deadries casebook. I feel very upset by this as I find the Sun extremely degrading to women and Knowing that my boyfriend buys a paper with 18 year old topless girls in offends me. We have now fallen out as he knows how I feel and just seems to think im having a go. He has said he see my opinion but I don't know what i should do now as we argue about it and nothing gets resolved. Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, marriedbutalone  +, writes (7 April 2008):
I am a female. and dont totaly understand why people think that this is degrading to the women in the paper? Do you know how much money the girls make.??? the lifestyles they lead. I say if you got it make the men pay for it while you put your money in the bank. kudos to you . I think that if my husband wants to look at a naked girl he would never have a chance in hell to be with . then let him get his jollies. It just makes me work harder to stay in shape and keep his heart at home. so stop all the hating on the pretty girls. and get a life.
A
male
reader, harshbutfair +, writes (6 February 2008):
 Ironic that the women hating on here isn't being done by misogynstic men whose views have been warped by all those bare breasts they've been looking at, but by bitter, insecure women!
...............................
A
female
reader, randomgirl +, writes (6 February 2008):
jesus christ!
to put it this way - topless pictures are porn
men get just as aroused by tits as they do by anything else
it's completely normal to feel hurt by this
all the guys who have written saying 'it's not a big deal' are just trying to justify it because they look at it as well!
a guy getting off about looking at another woman's boobs, ass, whatever is effectively cheating!
and for you single guys - it still isn't right
the sale of the sun and magazines such as this is just encouraging the topless girls to continue degrading themselves, which isn't right.
these girls have no qualities - they seem to believe the only way to get anywhere in life is by flaunting their bodies. they need to realise that looks don't last, and once they're gone, their kids, grandkids will see these pictures and so these pictures will degrade them for the rest of their lives.
stop encouraging the dirty slags and focus on the flesh and blood decent girls around you!
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (6 February 2008): Page three is just a bit of fun; degrading? I don't think so.
A number of tabloids have featured male models on other pages before, I don't see anything wrong with that, either.
The problem here isn't insomuch that this guy is looking at topless girls in a paper, but rather the girl has reacted so badly to it, so surely this is about being over-threatened by other women, rather him looking at the wrong newspaper.
To me it seems far more effective to deal with the feelings associated with why someone would get so upset at such a thing, and even go as far as damaging the relationship.
Put it this way; do you go on in the relationship subsequently banning your partner from looking at any other women which surely will bring about distrust, insecurity and jealousy, or do you admit your own insecurity so that you can go on to trust that your boyfriend is faithful to you and don't feel so threatened by everyone else?
I know personally if I saw my girlfriend eyeing up a male model in a newspaper I would find it funny; like I imagine the vast majority of people in relationships.
...............................
A
male
reader, harshbutfair +, writes (5 February 2008):
What some chicks don't understand when they say "well what if your girlfriend ogled nude men every single day", is that 99.9% of men wouldn't care! Let them get on with it! We've got better things to worry about. Like cars, baldness, politics, cheerleaders, our beer guts, money, when we're next getting laid.
In fact there are bare chested men everywhere in adverts, magazines, on tv. This isn't in your face genetalia we're talking about.
It's not open butt-holes or people being peed on.
It's a topless woman, in a standing pose. It's entirely harmless and I defy anyone to show otherwise. While feminists get worked up into a red faced fury over such a pointless thing, they leave the real problems such as hardcore, abusive pornography, made and distributed in the US, alone.
...............................
A
male
reader, Jamer70 +, writes (5 February 2008):
 I have to agree with SamuriRick here.
The Sun is just a newspaper, yes it does have page 3, but then it also has around 40 more pages of "news" it has sports and politics so but only one page has a nude women on it. But most people dont see that.
To think of dumping heim for the countries most read paper would be ridiculous if you look at it in perspective, and you would come across as very inscure and naggy. So thats my two cents worth
For those who think he should stop buying the paper, you are very wrong, the paper has ONE page of a nude women and other pages of women in swinsuits etc. You see more in southend and devon. Plus its not playboy or Huslter, its just a british newspaper that cost 20p, and i dont see how a nude women is degrading, it may objectify but anyone who thinks a naked women means you can objectify women shouldnt have the intelligence to read papers anyway.
...............................
A
male
reader, SamuraiRick +, writes (5 February 2008):
 Topless girls in page 3? Dammmmmn! You guys do live in a different world. In America page three is behind the guy in the counter at 7-11. To get page 3 you have to pay five dollars cover and a mandatory drink. Page 3 in America is the middle page in Playboy. Sometimes you get page 3 when you peak in on you neighbor sunbathing. On the computer page 3 is when you Google the words "topless girls" without the adult filter.
But page 3 in my local paper...it’s the freakin obituaries. Still I have to side with most of my fellow lads from across the water. It’s no big deal. Its just mammary glands. Making too much of it or too little of it is the problem here. Either you buy it or you don't. I don’t know that the other pages have so I can't vouch for the validity of the paper. But I can say this...maybe the New York Times would sell more if they had a page 3 girl. And money is what makes the world go round. If Sum sells more papers for having a page 3 girl then more power to them.
I agree with the guy in the Superman suit. This business of getting jealous over the topless 3 girls are a sure sign of insecurity. I’ve seen half naked men on the TV and have never even thought of covering the eyes of the women I happen to be with. And if that turns them on...so what! She’s with me.
But to answer your question directly. Here’s what I have to say. He has been reading this paper daily right, and he’s been doing it since before you know him, right. Then you have to realize that his reading of the Sun is a part of who he is and you have to respect that and all you can do is suggest that he stop reading it. If he chooses not to you have to accept it or split. But to demand that he stop and even get into fights over it…that’s going a bit too far. This is part of what relationships are all about….learning to accept each other with all their good points and bad. You can’t change each other and couples that are in the business of changing their partners often find themselves broken up before long. I’m sure you have a lot of things about you he’d wish he could change about you. Has he mentioned those...are you going to change your ways too. Maybe he doesn’t appreciate the way you are trying to control him, and if that’s the case its reason enough to get into big arguments. If he hasn’t mentioned thing he wants you to change on, maybe it’s because he loves you and has learned to accept you, and properly holds his tongue. There’s no such thing as a perfect relationship where two people meet eye to eye on every issue. A perfect relationship is more about acceptance, and less about change.
Truth is I think your guy might love you more than you love him. Think about that.
Now to address mister “Male feminist.” Dude, what is wrong with you! Your thinking is way off, and you are obviously being swayed into saying what you say, because your girl has a gun to your head or some other chick in your past has brainwashed you. Look up the word eunuch in the dictionary...your picture is there. You are pussy-whipped! A woman who lies on the beach half-naked may be doing it for her own reasons to tan, have fun etc….but that doesn’t mean that looking at her as a grown A man is more normal and decent than the page 3 girl. It’s the same damn thing. Topless girl here…topless girl there. I would be more turned looking at the girl on the beach more than the page 3 girl if anything. Any woman who goes to a beach and thinks guys shouldn’t look at them (and stare), or any guy who thinks that topless women on the beach is as normal a sight as a cloud in the sky, is fooling themselves. And you say that the page 3 girl is not a human being because she is being sexual …..Do you realize that those words alone are offensive, to imply that these girls are not respectable. And you are also insulting the girl on the beach by implying that she can’t be sexual?
You say that you get your gratification from the arms of your girlfriend and imagination. My question to you is what is your point of reference?…your imagination as you say. Before you had your girlfriend have you ever seen the image of a naked woman? Were the only images you ever saw those of the medical diagrams in sex ed and paintings and statues in your local museum?
I myself am an artist and I have had experience drawing and painting nudes. Don’t believe that just because I do that objectively as an artist doesn’t mean I don’t notice and can also admire the beauty of the woman who is standing naked before me. And even if I put it off and try to ignore it, there is a level of lust happening in the back of your mind…to not admit that is to be dishonest.
SO when you say you can look at that girl on the beach and not be tempted to stare you are either Gay or a eunuch.
...............................
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (4 February 2008): i think u should stop being so picky its such a small thing to dump someone over and he is probably better off without u as u seem like someone who doesnt undertstand men so what if he reads dear deidre maybe he was looking for the story " dumped for reading the sun by my prudish girlfriend" i guess he is sorry for not being classy enough to read the guardian or the independant for u
...............................
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (4 February 2008): To the man who said this:
"If you think that page 3 of The Sun is degrading to women, then you have a pretty curious idea of what degrading means. I've seen more on a beach than I've seen in The Sun."
The difference is that the women on the beach are not there for male sexual gratification. They are there to hang out, sun tan, swim, and have fun.
YES the Sun is degrading as it depicts women as sexual objects. It dehumanizes them. They are there to be sexually pleasing, not to be human beings.
I'm a feminist male and I don't buy those sorts of things. I get my sexual gratification from images in my imagination and the arms of my girlfriend. If you have an imagination, you don't need to look at those sorts of images. And I certainly wouldn't support an institution like that with my money.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 February 2008): He should grow up and stop buying such a degrading newspaper. In my opinion, any person who respects women will not buy into such damaging material, will not support it with their dollars. It does not matter how popular the newspaper is, it is unacceptable for them to use womens bodies in this way, and its pretty pathetic that men fall for this marketing in such a huge way. It speaks loudly to his character that he supports this sort of thing. He's an adolescent boy in a full grown mans body (most grown men are these days, its a cultural thing, society has raised them this way). Move along and find yourself a more enlightened bloke (they are out there, I found one and he opened my eyes to lots of issues like this one- he's a real gentlemen who honestly respects women). Good luck honey.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 February 2008): unfortunatley, both the above are corect.
However,just because its the biggest selling newspaper doesnt make it right.
People smoke,is that ok?
People drink is tha ok ?
Your an individual,you have your own opinions and feelings.
However he should respect you.
But please bare in mind, dont make yourb.friend think your a nag.
Maybe say,look, pleasedont buy it anymore, but if you choose toyou, im not bothered, but youmade the decision to against what i feel
Good luck hun
Ps
I find it difficult at times. Its tough being a young woman this day and age.
Chin up
...............................
A
male
reader, kenny +, writes (4 February 2008):
 this reminds me of a girl i used to date a few years ago. I used to read the Daily Star, which i guess is on the same lines as the Sun. Anyway i used to really enjoy the crossword in it, and we had big arguments over me getting that paper, arguments so big that i ended up getting the daily mail instead, also she was not happy with me reading Mens Health because there were women in bathing suits, and revealing gym gear. It got so bad that i felt i could not look at anything, or anything female for that matter, i almost felt as if i should be reading blinkers. The girls at my work said i should have never stopped reading that paper, that i was silly to give in like that. But looking back on that relationship the way she was and her insecurities drove a massive wedge between us, and in the end the relationship failed, i could not go on like that anymore. I think that there are worse things he could be reading to be honest, like magazines like Nuts, or the sport newspaper, or porn magazines. The Sun is just a newspaper that probably half the population read.
All the best x
...............................
A
female
reader, hello1 +, writes (4 February 2008):
 If your really against it then he should value your relationship and stop buying the sun newspaper. I'm sure he wouldn't like it if you bought a mag with naked men in it every week!
...............................
A
male
reader, harshbutfair +, writes (4 February 2008):
You are being super unfair on your boyfriend. The Sun is the biggest selling paper in the UK and their page 3 "stunnas" are a national institution.
If you think that page 3 of The Sun is degrading to women, then you have a pretty curious idea of what degrading means. I've seen more on a beach than I've seen in The Sun.
What you will do is this:
Alienate your boyfriend.
Make him think twice about your relationship.
Come across as needy/nagging.
Maybe you should live and let live here?
...............................
|
