A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I have a problem in my relationship which is really starting to get to me.My boyfriend and I have been together for about 9 months. He is loving, kind and generous.The problem we have is in the bedroom (or so I think). When we meet up, we are physical with each other, kissing and cuddling etc and this leads on to sex, which is fine by me. It's what happens afterwards. After sex we cuddle and kiss for a while but then we start arguing and I feel like we are strangers. It happens a lot and today I've been thinking maybe it's because I feel sexually unfulfilled? I mean I hardly ever orgasm during sex but he comes and it's over. He nearly always instigates sex and even if I'm not in the mood, I go along with it. Usually he comes very quickly and I'm left feeling frustrated which I try not to let show. I'm not sure if I'm right though on this and would appreciate your thoughts because the arguing is ruining an otherwise good relationship.
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in the mood, kissing, orgasm Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, ScottsCove  +, writes (8 October 2010):
 Yes
You really don't respect him
too bad for both of you
A
female
reader, person12345 +, writes (8 October 2010):
 Yeah that could definitely do it. Sex can be fun without an orgasm, but without an orgasm it can also be seriously frustrating. It seems like he's being a bit selfish, in just going, "OK I'm done. Night." That would also explain why you don't feel in the mood much. If sex is all about him, what's in it for you? If he doesn't want to please you, why not try taking the reins? Get on top, and while you're up there don't let him just finish. Finish yourself. Use your hands and masturbate yourself there. Make sure you communicate your frustrations to your partner (in a non-sexual situation) and see if you can work through it. It's up to him to make an effort to please you, but your orgasm is in your hands.
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A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (8 October 2010):
 This could be the case that you resent him because you are not satisfied. You need to tell your boyfriend that he needs to start spending more time on you and getting you to reach orgasm most women reach orgasm through foreplay more than they do with intercourse. So just tell him he needs to spend more time on you, and dont give in to sex if you are not in the mood as this will just make you angry and frustrated afterwards learn to say no if you dont want anything to happen, if he cares about you he will respect your decision.
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A
male
reader, Kenj +, writes (8 October 2010):
 The arguments could just be out of frustration on your part, maybe its techniques – he’s not giving you enough foreplay etc... Try different positions etc…
It may help him if he masturbates an hour before sex then he may last longer.
It’s a shame to ruin what sounds like a good relationship over sex, its something that gets better with more practice and time.
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A
female
reader, Honeygirl  +, writes (8 October 2010):
 You dont say what you argue about - is it about sex?
You need to communicate your sexual needs to your bf - maybe he thinks he is doing a fab job and you are sexually filfulled... If you dont tell him then he has no idea as to what is going on.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (8 October 2010): While its not necessary to have an orgasm everytimr you have sex, if you don't have one regularly, it can definitely leave you feeling frustrated. Tell him to go slow, add in a lot of foreplay. Both of you can praise each other verbally while in the act. Tell each other how much you get turned on by the partner.
Also if he ensures that he can bring you to an orgasm, before he enters you, both of you will end up satisfied. He can make you come by fingering or giving an oral. The trick is in being innovative and sensitive to the partner's needs.
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