A
female
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:Making a terribly long story short...I'm still in love with my ex. We are taking an indefinite break because he is working on some personal issues right now which I completely understand.What I don't get is... we agreed we aren't 'together' and, though I don't even talk to anyone else, he gets jealous still. Just the other night he accused me of lying about something and talking to other guys, to which I basically said 'Hey, I'm not a liar, and I'm not talking to anyone. I'm sorry for making it seem as if I was somehow, but I'm not.. Subconsciously I wanted to shout 'You ended us, why are you so concerned?!'.Why is he doing this? I'm nothing but honest with him and he's still my best friend and the only person I want to be around. It kills me when he accuses me of lying because I do love him and don't want him to think I'm something I'm not.
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female
reader, fi_the_tree  +, writes (12 June 2011):
 It's one of those 'if i can't have you, no-one can!!' situations.
He broke it off, but clearly doesn't want you to move on either. He has no right to be jealous, even if you were talking to anyone else!
Next time he tries to accuse, don't be nice about it...shout what you want to shout at him!!! You're right, he ended it, why should he be so concerned???
It's a possessive quality, and not a good quality to have. My ex was the same, he left me for a younger, blonder model, but still had the nerve to tell me that i was hanging around with scum and he feared for my safety, even though the people i was hanging around with at the time were there for me every second of the break up (they did more for me than he ever did!!)
Don't let him stop you from speaking to other guys, I mean if you don't want to date other guys just yet then that's fine, just don't let your ex influence that decision!! But if you want to have a nice conversation with a guy, then go for it without feeling guilty...
All the best!!
A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (12 June 2011):
 Typical dog in the manger syndrome. he does not want you but does not want other guys to have you.
Frankly I am very skeptical about people breaking up "to work on their issues " , particuarly at your age. If you love somebody, you'll want to be with that person and he/she won't prevent you to work on your issues. But, supposing he is absolutely sincere, it's still a double standard. He is not committed to you and detains the option to move on, to go with another woman, to never come back to you if the "issues2 are not resolved , basically to do what he wants. But he does not want you to have the same freedom, because, just in case , if he'd decide to get back with you, he needs you free, available and compliant.
That's why I do not believe much in breaks and not at all in indefinite breaks. Too easy and convenient, the dumper holds all the power over the dumpee who still has feelings and will clutch at any straw to believe that sooner or later the break will be over , which may, or more often, may not happen.
It's much more honest and manly to assume the responsibility of your decisions , i. e. breaking up for real, knowing that there is the risk that ,if you change your mind, you won't find your old reliable safety net waaiting for you.
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