A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I have been seeing this guy for the past two months, but we are not dating yet. We talk every day and we hang out once or twice a week but we have talked about where the relationship is going and we both know that we will probably start dating in about a month or so. He just got out of a relationship right before he started seeing me and he is extremely busy right now with everything. Earlier this week, I ended up sleeping with someone else. It was someone I know from work, so it wasn't someone random but I do not have feelings for him. I feel extremely guilty for it and cannot stop thinking about it because I have never even just slept with someone random like that, but I do not plan on telling him because we aren't committed or dating at the moment. I guess my question is, how guilty should I be feeling and am I feeling more guilty than I should? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, amazingk +, writes (10 April 2011):
 Until you're OFFICIALLY OFFICIAL, everything's fair game. If he wanted 100% commitment he wouldn't beat around the bush about it. Never assume, especially the role of girlfriend when you're not even certain if he's behaving like a boyfriend when you're not around.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 April 2011): We have never really discussed whether we are or aren't seeing other people. Emotionally I do not feel as though I am in a relationship with him and I know he feels the same way about me. I know that I made a horrible mistake and I will never do anything like this ever again. It was definitely not worth it and I would take it back if I could, although I know I have learned my lesson. Would it be a mistake not to tell him and just try to move forward with everything? If we had been dating I would tell him in a second because I know he doesn't deserve that.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 April 2011): IT really depends on whether you have begun a relationship EMOTIONALLY. Did you both discuss or agree to be honest with each other about not seeing other people? You said that you have discussed "where the relationship is going." But your post here does not say what exactly that means. If it means that you have discussed dating exclusively (not seeing other people), then YES, what you did was cheating. If you are involved with someone and you mislead them into thinking or assuming that you are not involved with anyone else, then yes, you cheated. It is up to you if you are going to be honest with him or not. You have been "seeing him" for two months. Seeing someone is still involvement. Maybe he's been in bed with someone else, too and that's why he put your relationship on hold. All I can say is that you are not off to a good start with your boyfriend. I don't even see why you slept with some idiot from work in the first place. You never even mentioned why you were interested in someone from work while you're "seeing someone." It just doesn't sound to me like you really want a serious relationship or that you are too into your boyfriend if you slept with someone else already. You asked if you should feel guilty for your behavior and I should think you'd already have the answer to that. Whether you tell your boyfriend or not, you should know in your own heart that it was wrong and why it is wrong. My advice is to take care not to ever do anything sneaky or secretive again, whether it is sleeping with someone else or flirting with someone else. You would just end up hurting him. I think you should really look at yourself and what you are doing, and if you really want a real relationship. Saying 'yes' to this is easier than living it and walking away from having involvements with other men. Good luck.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (7 April 2011): Good relationships are about real trust, not being misleading while hiding behind technicalities.
It's technically not your duty to reveal it but I think realistically it is.
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A
female
reader, Lexie88  +, writes (7 April 2011):
 I agree with person12345. If this guy wanted you to be his girlfriend and not date anyone else he would have made sure to let you know. He hasn't and it tells me that he's not too concerned. So you shouldn't feel guilty at all. How do you know that he hasn't slept with someone in the two months you've been seeing him?
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A
male
reader, Capri2  +, writes (7 April 2011):
Who can tell you how guilty you have to feel. I'm sorry but that's ridiculous. What matters is how guilty you feel. Specially if you start dating now. And you end up finding out he was totally into you already and he has been faithful to you.
Of course, you didn't cheat on him because you are not official. But your guilt is a signal you can't ignore. I guess you know you made a mistake here.
In my own opinion you have two options: you tell him right away to see what happens, or you hide it forever.
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A
female
reader, person12345 +, writes (7 April 2011):
 Well since you're not technically dating, it's not technically cheating. I'd worry more about a guy who dates you for two months without any kind of commitment. It's good he gives a timeframe, but better would be if he wanted to actually commit. Seeing as he's been in no rush to be in a relationship, there's really no rush to feel guilty about sleeping with someone else. If he wanted you to be exclusive, he would have been by now.
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