A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I have been with my husband for almost 12 years... we got married on our 10th anniversary... three weeks later he moved out.. he has always either used and sold drugs... abusive verbally, physically and emotionally. I haved always been in love with him from the moment I laid eyes on him I think thats why I stayed... I was abused growing up and when we were teens before everything he made me feel safe but slowly everything changed.. When he moved out I found out he moved in with his bf's gf then three months later she announced she was pregnant. I had tied my tubes when my youngest was a year old.. we have two children... this blew me away another broad gave him the one thing i couldnt anymore... then three months later he got sent to state jail. During this time I had other relationships and now that he is out we rekindle our relationship he does not understand that during the 6 months and more of not speaking why it was not wrong in my eyes of what I did and not to mention that he has selective memory and has completly erased all the years of cheating and abuse along with the daughter he has now. I recently found out that his drug use is worse and now he is talking to the whore who has his child child... I am emotionally fed up and he does not understand that what he has done to me mentally along with ruining our entire relationship... he does not understand why I did what I did but only wants to see what I did...I have never cheated on him and for once in a long time felt what it is to be wanted again.. how do I get over this and help him understand a friendship is all we will ever have..
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anniversary, drugs, moved in, moved out Reply to this Question
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female
reader, Luv2giveadvice  +, writes (7 April 2011):
Have you divorced him??If not, maybe doing that will start the clues kicking in.I understand having nothing to do with him will be hardas you have children..Try to be amicable but only for the sake of your childrenKeep your contact with him short and to the point.Hopefully, eventually he will get the message.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (7 April 2011): You need to cut all ties and get on with life. This man is no good for you.
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A
female
reader, chocoholicforever +, writes (7 April 2011):
I don't think you should even maintain a friendship with someone who not only betrayed your marriage (while making a never ending big deal about you having relationships while you and him were separated) but also has been abusive to you - physically, verbally, mentally and who is STILL being abusive to you. I think you need to divorce him legally (if you haven't already) and cut him out of your life and move on and leave him behind. he is dragging you down and with his drug use and infidelity he's a bad role model for your kids. Limit contact only to formal venues as is necessary for child support or visitation with his kids. It's not your responsibility to "help him understand." That is his own responsibility. Yours is to protect yourself and your kids from his negative influences, heal yourself so you can be a good role model for your kids. If you need to, get a restraining order, move out of town, move in with friends or relatives who have your back, whatever. But you probably should just remove him from your life whether or not he seems to "understand"(and no, abusers will NOT 'understand', even if you keep explaining until you are blue in the face...the abusive personality is such that it's all about what they want and nothing else matters except that they get what they want)
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