A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:My fiance and I have been together for 7 years and we have 5 year old twins together.He is such an amazing dad, loving, nurturing and helps with cooking and cleaning.The sad part is, we are getting married in 2 months but this last year he has stopped being affectionate. He doesn't cuddle anymore, I get kisses (pecks) rarely. I am always the one to initiate sex with him, if I didn't initiate it, it would never happen. I have to ask him how I look to get a compliment. I try to bring it up to him and he gets defensive or he doesn't say a thing. He says "I love you more then anything, I love being with you and I love everything about you, I didn't know there was a problem" and then he gets angry and says I'm telling him he's a horrible person. When I say thats NOT what I'm saying, I'm telling him how I feel he says that me telling him that he makes me feel horrible is telling him he's a bad person or a bad partner.I try not to bring it up because it just turns into a very unproductive one sided rant. But I am so sad.. I do love him but I feel like he treats me like a best friend rather than a lover. I just don't know what to do anymore, we are supposed to be getting married in 2 months but if this is the way it is before we are even married, I just don't know if it's the right thing to do.
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female
reader, VSAddict  +, writes (5 September 2011):
 Do not get married. Things will only get worse if you marry him. You two have been together for 7 years and you two should have no problem communicating. And if he's going to get defensive just because you decide to share your feelings with him, then imagine when you get in fights about other subjects. He has no right to get defensive. We all have our faults and we have a right to express them to the person we love if it bothers us. You shouldn't have to put up with things like this. Your fiance needs to realize that everyone expresses their feelings, whether good or bad, and that he needs to be open for listening and improvement. Just because you two are getting married doesn't mean that he can't work on some of his qualities and personality. But don't get married. I think you should take a step back and not be engaged until your boyfriend learns to listen and accept that there's always room for improvement in everything. But if you don't want to stop being engaged, then at least postpone the wedding, even if it takes a few months.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 September 2011): I am experiencing the same thing with my fiance....just told him this weekend that there will be no wedding this December. We need counseling first and if things are not resolved then I have to move on... I cannot go my whole life feeling unattractive ( no compliments) and beg for sex on a weekly basis.
Perhaps you need to take a tough stance on this, after all this is the rest of your life your dealing with....
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