A
female
 ,
*iordana
writes:I have been married for almost 18months and with my husband for almost 3 years (known him for over 4 years).We have always been the type of couple who bicker but always make up very quickly. lately though the arguments have gotten worse (esp ones about money) and they last for days. I feel like my husband cant be bothered anymore and if i tell him to leave me alone rather than give me some space and then contact me he will wait for me to contact him. Im always the one to initiate any kind of conversation between us.He always says he will start to pay more attention, call me more, go out more etc... but he fails to put his words into actions.Our sex life is also suffering. We are only being intimate about once every 3 or 4 weeks and we are both still in our 20sAlso, one thing that is the subject of many arguments and its really getting me down... His ex.Together they have 3 children and she is currently pregnant. He has said its not his and he has no idea who the dad is as his ex is not with anyone at the moment. She has also told me that its not his but i cant help but think that as there is so much history there, then there is a possibility he cheated and the baby is his.I realise how easy it can be to be intimate with an ex as it is familiar and as our sex life has dwindled it has made me more paranoid about it.I have thought about ending the relationship but i do love my husband and want to make our marriage work.Is there anything I can do to put us back on the right track???
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female
reader, giordana +, writes (7 September 2011):
giordana is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHi, thank u for your advice.
I would say we started arguing more around the time we got married. I think its because my expectations if him r greater now that he us my husband and not just my boyfriend. I get annoyed when he phones me only to say that he will call me back in 10 minutes... 2 hours later still nothing from him. I feel like I give and give and he doesn't give much back in return.
I used to try and initiate sex but after a while of him saying he has a headache or tooth ache or he's tired I gave up did I guess I think now that if I try I'm jus going to be pushed away as usual.
A
male
reader, eddie85  +, writes (5 September 2011):
 At this point, you may be jumping to conclusions as to who has impregnated his ex. While it is easy to blame your husband, if you are blaming him on your guesses, then I can easily see why things may be rough at home.
I think there is a lot more you can tell us about your relationship and how and when it started to deteriorate. While sex tends to dwindle after a few years of marriage, you seem concerned about it. Have you tried upping your game and seducing your husband? How about wearing some sexy and trying to turn him on.
Money is also a constant source of struggle, especially these days. Usually money problems can be solved if you work together and set a budget. Allow each other some play money but work together on trimming the fat from your expenses. If you have expensive cell phone plans or internet, or what not, look for ways to cut it out. Arguing after the money is spent is usually the result of not following a budget and not informing each other where the money is going.
In the early years of marriage, its going to take a lot of give and take to figure out what is going to make things work between you two. While three years is significant, you are still learning quite a bit about one another and getting used to each other. Be patient and willing to compromise.
Finally, be kind to one another and admit your mistakes. You can make up a lot of ground with a simple "I'm sorry"
You may also find it useful to read Dr Laura Schlessinger's "The Proper Care and Feeding of Marriage" and the companion "The Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands"
Good luck.
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