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age
41-50,
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writes: I have been seeing this guy for a couple of months. We have alot in common and get along very well. We are so mcuh in love and he treats melike a goddess. He is handsome and charming. The problem is am not proud of his job. There is a very big status gap between his career and mine, and every body around me does not expect me to 'fall so much below my standards'. I have been lying to my freinds on what he does whilst am diciding. Financialy he earns about a quarter of what i earn. He is hardworking though and he would meet the basic needs of his family, if he dicided to marry. Does this gap really matter? Am I just being too particular? does it matter what my family and friends would say to that? Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (16 August 2009): Well - the fact that you are worried about coworkers opinions means that it is bothering your too. Think carefully before you go any further in your relationship
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male
reader, softtouchmale2003  +, writes (14 August 2009):
 Many women marry men "beneath" them on the career totem pole.
The problem is that your job is a job. If a man truly loves you and has devoted his heart to you, then what he does for a living should not affect his dedication to you. You are not in it to impress your co-workers. If that were the case then marry the boss and have a sham marriage.
If there is a real, loving relationship here and its in die-hard mode forever, it is simply your private business.
On the other hand, the real issue for you is whether you can respect him. And that's at rock bottom what's going on. Do you respect him despite his job? If the answer is yes, then I think its nobody's business. I'm certain that what he does for a living will have nothing to do with how friends view him. So long as he works hard and is supportive of you, or later a family, then he's respectable and no one should ever treat him badly for his day to day work.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 August 2009): i am in the legal profession and my husband is nowhere near my qualifications, salary and professionalism. but we have a good(ish??) marriage i believe. yes the mormal ups and downs, arguments. but we enjoy each other. have 2 fantastic kids. as long as this guy is not using you for the bucks and the lifestyle then please grab your opportunity to love him and have a good life with him. sometimes it does't boil down to money but what other things he can contribute to your life. just becareful, do your homework around him ( be realistic) i have seen too many gigolos getting away with murder ( most of my friends are professionals and some guys have tried their luck wanting a sugar mommy).together you two can conquer the world. work together, respect each other. but please do not throw this " i earn more money than you, so i am the boss attitude" . men hate it and they detest when women have this attitude. it demeans them and they feel insecure. trust me i know all about it. good luck.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 August 2009): thanks for the advice. its good to hear advice from independent people
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (13 August 2009): In the last 50 years women have sure loved the freedom to join the workforce and be able to earn as much money & status as any man.
Funny, the same women always find it such a big problem when they're faced with the obvious after effect of this - they might have to marry down.
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A
female
reader, missjones +, writes (13 August 2009):
I do agree with Starlights, if you are in love and he loves you back who cares about his career. Love should over power everything, your friends may have something to say about your man but i bet when it comes to there relationship they wont want to hear a single word from any one. Follow your heart listen to it and believe, and everything will work out for the both of you.
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female
reader, Starlights  +, writes (13 August 2009):
 I know for most people money is important and how they look infront of their friends is important.
We are all guilty of this snobbery ego at somepoint in our lives.
Eventually your friends are bound to find out the truth of the job he is in.
You shouldnt feel embarrassed about it, you should talk to your friends come clean and tell them how happy he makes you feel, this ultimately is the most important thing.
If they're real good people, your friends & family will accept your partner for who he is and come to terms with it.
If they become judgemental then that is their problem.
Its not their life, its yours regarding what decisions you make.
The main thing is the guy is good and loves you.
This is rarer to find then someone who has a high social status like a doctor.
you can find a million doctors, but how many girls can find a nice genuine guy whose good to her?
good luck!
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reader, anonymous, writes (13 August 2009): You say you've lied about to others about what he does, so clearly you're ashamed. Is this only because you're worried about what other people think? Or do you, yourself, think that he should have a better job? If it's the first, then I don't think you should let what other people think get to you.
They're not in a relationship with him, you are, so set your own standards and forget living up to everyone elses. If it's the latter, then, why? If he makes you happy, he is happy with the work he does, and you'd financially be OK, then there shouldn't be a problem long term. There is more to a person than what job they have.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 August 2009): You need to sort your head out, so what the hell your man earns less money than you? At least he is hardworking and cares for you. And i think if you are that ashamed that you have lied to your family and friends then he deserves better than you, how awful for him. maybe hes to good for you and not a liar. moneys not everything you know.
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