A
male
age
30-35,
*ubenShirley2008
writes:I met this girl, Shirley, almost a year ago when we both started working at Salvation Army on the same day. We were quiet at first, but after I made conversation with her, we learned to work well together, and we became friends. We'd talk to each other as much as we could during our shift (we both have the exact same hours), we'd sit by each other at every meeting, and sit next to each other whenever we travel. She's a quiet, beautiful girl and she's the only thing that gets through each day of work (it's a very quiet and simple job) everyday. Throughout the year we've worked together and got to know each other I began to develop some feelings for her, and she recently broke up with her boyfriend. We've also had some problems concerning racism against her from the other coworkers and the customers (our SA was ethnically dominated by Hispanics), with her being the only white worker, and unable to defend herself when being criticized in spanish, resulting in me defending her whenever. All in all, I like her, but I'm nervous because of our racial differences, and whether it's something our parents would approve of if we did manage to enter a relationship, and we never talk to each other outside of work so I don't know how to tackle this. Another problem, we both leave for college in two months, and the it's about an hour half trip to the city she's moving to from where I'm going, we even scheduled to leave SA on the same day, so really, I'm not sure if this is something worth pursuing for as I said, we never really talk to each other outside of work, with her being a quiet and somewhat private person and all. Any suggestions?
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male
reader, RubenShirley2008 +, writes (1 August 2010):
RubenShirley2008 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI'm sorry I haven't updated yet, things were going on in my life that I haven't the time to keep you all informed of what happened between us.
She took me out for lunch for my birthday, and we get closer and closer with every conversation, just like before, we talk more than we ate. Then, yesterday at work, she asked if I was going to this rodeo concert that was going to be held that night, and asked if she could join me if I did go. Of course, I eagerly said yes.
We met up at the concession stands around 7, and her western wear made me melt, she was stunning. We just went to the stands and sat there and talked for a while, and she and I were sitting quite close to each other, and I blushed quite a bit. Later on, we walked over to a concession stand to buy a funnel cake for us to share, and when the crowd got overwhelming, she wrapped her arm around mine, and needless to say it felt wonderful, and I felt a bit nervous.
Halfway throughout the concert, during a slow song, she kept inching closer and closer, and wrapped both her arms around one of mine, and I responded by holding one of her hands with mine, and our heads rested together, we never said a word to each other during a majority of the concert; the whole experience was just absolutely wonderful and I didn't want it to end. After the concert concluded, we untangled ourselves from each other, and we just sat there and talked while the parking lot was hectic.
We walked out with her arm wrapped around mine, and we started to walk slowly towards our cars, we said our goodnights and left. My heart was beating the entire trip home, and I was not able to sleep. We never mentioned one word of our intimacy, and I wanted it to go further, not sex, but further. I don't know what to make of our friendship now. Nothing became awkward between us now, but I'm trying to see what's the next step I can take. I don't see her until tomorrow, and I don't want to bother her with a text today.
A
male
reader, Serpico +, writes (5 July 2010):
My gf is Colombian (born there.) My ancestry is highly northern european. We are head over heals for each other, and the sex is mind blowing and frequent. I have dated women within my own race, especially during my younger years. Once I started dating South Americans, there was no turning back for me.
I truly believe that opposites attract. We complement each other perfectly. If anyone has a problem with it, that is their problem.....
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A
male
reader, RubenShirley2008 +, writes (4 July 2010):
RubenShirley2008 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThe trip isn't what's bothering me. The difference between our schools is about an hour or hour-half drive, and I'll have a car to drive around in.
I'm more worried about the people we'll meet, and I know it's something I can't do anything about, but I really like her now, I've worked and got to know her for almost a year now. I want us to keep in touch, but if I tell her how I feel and it turns out the feeling isn't mutual, then by the time we leave (1 month), then our closeness will be almost gone. I try to wonder why I'm falling for her now of all times...
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A
male
reader, RubenShirley2008 +, writes (2 July 2010):
RubenShirley2008 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionOur lunch went well...we had normally planned to go out and eat for about an hour before we both needed to go to work, but we kept talking about our personal lives, and work in general, and some other topics that we had lost track and went over an hour and a half. We talked more than we ate, and I gave her a birthday card (today's her birthday), and she insisted that she take me out for my birthday (2 weeks away), so overall, I think this was quite successful, granted that I haven't confessed yet, and with one month left before we both leave town for college, I don't know if I even should. Our lunch date went great, and I can't wait for our next one two weeks away.
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A
male
reader, RubenShirley2008 +, writes (29 June 2010):
RubenShirley2008 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI didn't ask her out on a formal date yet, but I was brave enough to ask her out to lunch this Friday (her birthday, by the way) and she seemed eager to go. I'm just a tad bit nervous right now.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 June 2010): Race is an issue because if your family doesn't approve it can make your relationship more difficult, however, it shouldn't be the only thing to determine someone isn't right for you, if you like her for who she is and the feelings are mutual and you share similar values, that is a good start.
The more important issue is the timing is terrible, you have two months, that's it before you both are seperted. She and you both have to concentrate first on achieving your educational goals, you will both meet many other people at school that you can potentially have feelings for. Long distance relationships do not work. I think you know this is not a workable thing. Let her know your fondness for her and keep in touch as a friend, who knows maybe you can pick things up next summer if you both come home...take care.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 June 2010): Race definitely shouldn't matter and even though your family's opinion matters to you, I think YOU should date whoever YOU want. I mean, it's YOUR life. You're the one who would date her, not your family. And I'm sure if you do start dating, your family will eventually see what I great girl she is and how happy you are, and they will accept her. And besides, racist people aren't good people.. But that's just my opinion.
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A
female
reader, sunnycomet  +, writes (28 June 2010):
 It would be probably better to keep quiet and move on. You seem hesitant in forming a relationship with her because of her race and you will be apart soon.
You sounds like a lovely girl but a relationship based on these conditions is not a good idea and has a good chance of ending badly.
Though if you really like her and think she is worth it then go for it.
Listen to your head and follow your heart. Find the balance and make your decision.
Good Luck!
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