A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I've fallen ill lately, and I'm not just talking about the flu or something like that. I had a major surgery that came with the possibility of death. It's now been about a year, and I've been on bed rest for about 6 months after my surgery and now only have driving restrictions. Things are getting better with my health, but are not so great with my husband.My husband makes a great living and provides for us well. (No children yet, still both in mid-twenties)However, we are on a budget right now because we were working on paying off our Hummer and also working on remodeling two bedrooms and our master bath. All in all, we have enough to spend on gas, groceries, pay our bills, and remodel. Anyways...to get to the point...I went out for lunch with my mother the other day and spent $10. He had a HUGE fit and threatened to divorce me over it. I seriously don't get it, because he spent $200 dollars on a computer harddrive for his laptop. We're NOT broke, but if I had to guess, I don't think he's happy with his work. See, he travels a lot and is hardly ever home. Could this be the reason why he's been such a jerk? Or could it be me and the fact that I've been ill as of late and not been able to work. Like I said, we are not struggling financially by any means--just not able to spend on large vacations and fly first class as of late. Is this really a big deal or should I just let him cool off for a bit? I mean, he should be greatful that I'm getting healthy again, right? Please help. Any insight any of you could offer would be great. I really appreciate it.
View related questions:
divorce Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (28 April 2012): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you for all of your answers. I appreciate everyone's insight into this matter. He is away on business at the moment, so I haven't been able to have a face to face conversation with him since this argument, but I plan to do so as soon as he comes home! Our morning phone conversation went along well, he apologized for being such an 'ass' and blamed it on stress with work.
I maybe need to inform you guys that his meals and travel expenses get picked up by his employer, so when he's away on work, he doesn't spend a dime of our money, unless it's for his extracurricular activities; like computer games, downloadable music, movies, etc. I think maybe he might feel like I'm not contributing to our marriage, because I'm the one home sick and he's out working all of the time. I assure you that I have NOT been milking this illness for all that it's worth.
I also feel it's important to say, in response to Latti, I have been making him feel very appreciated--when ever he's home! Because of my illness, (but I'm not complaining ;) I've lost weight. My husband purchased me a whole new wardrobe 2 months ago for my birthday, and I always have my hair done and make-up on when he's home. I cook, I clean, I keep him as satasfied as possible, so I don't think he's feeling unappreciated.
I just think this whole blow up over $10 bucks was a mistake on his part. Hopefully it's not the beginning of something larger, but I guess we'll have to wait and see. Thanks again for all of your responses...you guys made me feel a lot better.
A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (27 April 2012):
 IT’s a double standard. My first husband was like that. IF you have enough to remodel a home, buy a hummer and buy hard drives for the computer then you have enough to go out to lunch and buy things for yourself too. My husband wanted me to stay home and take care of the kids but would NOT give me funds for PERSONAL things he deemed unnecessary and since he was the one earning all the funds he felt he had that right.
We all have to budget and be careful with funds now a days.. But this is an over the top reaction.
Is he pissed that you are not working? Irrational as that may be it may be the issue.. that he somehow feels that your illness is not being managed or handled properly… does he think you are making it up?
Does he feel you are slacking and taking advantage of your illness and not pulling your weight?
Personally if he threatened divorce over this I would call his bluff. You have been off work for a year. He’s supported you… you are unable to work, that would justify alimony even in this day and age…
...............................
A
female
reader, Latti +, writes (27 April 2012):
I think this had nothing to do with the $10 lunch, but maybe he is feeling stressed or UNAPPRECIATED, since he has been the one supporting you both through this situation. Maybe he has needs....that have not been met since your illiness, but now he may need some attention.
It could be a number of things, but I would strongly suggest some marriage counseling, so you can continue to have a successful marriage. Men don't always communicate their needs as clearly as we do, so its obviously something else going on with him. The fact that you went to lunch with your brother could have bothered him & it hit a nerve because he may want some quality time with you.
Make him feel special. Show him how much you appreciate him for being an awesome husband during your time of need. Cook or take him out to a special dinner. Put on something cute & sexy & show him that he is your hero. I wish you all the best.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 April 2012): The money is not the issue here, he has had the stress of you being ill, possibly losing you, plus holding down and keeping his job to support you both financially. From his point of view it has been a huge amount of pressure for a long time now.
He will obviously be pleased your recovering. Maybe he would like to have been able to go to lunch with you, or have the time to.
Let him calm down and then talk,find out the root of the problem, see if there is a way to help ease the pressure off him, spoil him. Although you have been ill he has in his own way suffered alongside.
...............................
A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (27 April 2012):
 I don't think it was to do with the $10 at all. My guess is that he is stressed out with other issues and he has been holding them in and then he made a huge fuss over this. If he has calmed down now, sit down and talk to him, ask him what it was about, try and see how he is feeling lately. Am sure he is happy that you are getting your health back, but maybe he just wishes he was the one that could go for lunch with you, or spend quality time with you. You both just need to sit down and communicate about this.
...............................
|
