A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I am so lost right now, and it seems like I can anticipate the type of advice I will receive, but I think I will ask it anyway. I really have no where to turn to. So there was a phone app, and this guy that lives about a six hour drive contacted me. We immediately matched up pretty well and we began texting late last year. We chatted on the phone. And we have shared galleries of photos. So it is not any surprise that it took long before we realized that we need to meet up. We arranged a day to meet, but around the same time it got hectic for me and him to meet (not out of fear, but he was dealing with his graduation and I was dealing with my school finals.) Well, he apologized to me and said if we could reschedule. This never happened. Our dynamic changed a little bit, I am not sure if it is because neither of the two of us have brought up the subject again or maybe the fact which we both have discussed he is 8 years older than me and then there's the distance. Either way, there could be many factors that already work against us before I even get to the actual issue. Anyway he texted me because he went on a business trip to Spain three weeks ago and he told me everything he liked about me and that he misses me and it just made my heart melt. He also sent a series of photos including a compromising one where he included all his body but his face as well. Unfortunately the last two weeks, it feels like I have to initiate the contact with him, and he will take forever to reply. And sometimes when he replies he seems uninterested in what I have to say or when he compliments me...it just feels forced. I think signs point out that he has someone on the side, he is tired of this platonic situation, or even a combination of many things. I keep telling him via texts (when appropriate) that I really like him. Maybe I am scaring him by saying this, but I am being honest. I am not telling him, I love him. I am trying to express interest. Either way today I decided I would wait to see if he texted me on his own, and nothing. I am upset that he doesn't give me the value I give him, and yet he will tell me like yesterday that he values me. He does say he has a busy work schedule, and I am understanding of that. I attend school, and my workload is probably not as half as bad as his--but it is enough to keep me away from the phone for a chunk of the day. Is he interested? Long distance relationships for the delusionals? He has made it clear, that we will move at my pace...but how long before a person just becomes uninterested? ...Because we aren't officially dating, I am not really in the position to ask for much. I just really like him. Meeting guys for me isn't hard though, but being interested is a lot more difficult. I am sure if this does not workout, it will workout in my favor where the situation is not as complicated. However, because I am in a situation where I like this man a lot...and like I said it is hard for me to find someone that interests me a lot, I can't really see myself immediately getting out there and meeting other guys.
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (7 July 2013): I want to first ask that you delay using the word "love;" until you meet the guy. Until you have actually spent time together and established an official relationship. Love does not connect between screens. It is a bonding between people, not their devices.
You are caught up in an exchange of pics, text messages, and e-mails. You hardly have time to maintain even that connection; so it isn't love you're feeling. That is a very serious word, and should not be used so casually.
It takes a lot to get to that depth in feelings for someone. You are in-love with the concept; not the person.
I always caution people about getting in so deep emotionally; when they have never touched, let alone seen the people they claim to love. It's all a fantasy at this point.
You are swept away by his attention, and you've developed a very strong online friendship. That's all. Of course you have a mutual fondness for each others online company. A lot more has to take place, before you attach deep feelings for a man you have never stood in the same room with.
He is much older, and the fantasy relationship is now losing it's novelty. It was just a matter of time. It was entertaining, and you kept each other good company. It was no where near a real relationship, let alone a love affair. You were regular contacts, until his interest started to wane.
It is time to move on and start actually dating people who are locally available; so you won't lose the knack of actually interacting in reality. You deserve affection, and intimacy. You also need some attention in a more personal and interactive sense.
You are right, he is likely seeing someone. It was inevitable that it would happen. You both have lives away from your smartphones and devices.
So take this time to make yourself available for in-person dating. Your online Romeo is moving on, and so should you.
A
female
reader, Dorothy Dix  +, writes (7 July 2013):
Hi there. So there is a 6 hour drive of distance between you, and that is quite a lot.
Plus, there is an 8 year difference between you.
And judging by your age here, if you are 25, well then that makes him about 33 years old.
I guess that isn't a huge age difference, and it is not like he is 45 years old, is it?
And so you are both still young.
Your lifestyles are quite different, he is a businessman and you are still in school, or at least nearing finishing in school.
He does know how you feel about him, and so it is not as if he didn't have any clue of this, is it?
And you have mentioned here, that you can set the pace of how things go, which seems reasonable.
Or that he would let things go slowly to see how it progresses.
Perhaps it might be wise for you to NOT text him anymore, and instead let him get back in contact with you, as you have already mentioned that when you text him, that he takes forever to reply back.
And so this must be pretty frustrating for you, I'm sure.
So why not give him some space, and see how things pan out over time?
It seems that he would like a sexual relationship with you, otherwise he would not have sent you a photo of himself in a compromising position, for you to see him that way.
And so I would say he did that for a reason, certainly.
And that reason, being that he wanted to see what kind of reaction he would get.
Just see what happens, the next time he either texts you or calls you, and what he says, and go from there.
There really seems to be no other option here.
Give it a certain amount of time - say 3 months to 6 months - and seeing how things develop between you, if they do - and then decide what you want to do.
It is impossible to make that decision now, as things are still in the very new stages.
More things need to happen, before you can make a decision of what you want from this relationship.
And of course, unless either of you wants to move to be closer to the other, well then that 6 hour driving distance, is going to always be a problem for you both.
The age difference is not really an issue, and so it is more about the distance that will pose any real problems for you in future.
And supposing down the track, that you both mutually make it an official relationship, well then it does seem that his work is going to continually take him away from home, regardless.
And that situation might not change.
And depending on how long his business trips are, and how often, well then this will influence a decision on a possible relationship, also.
Give it a little time though.
And don't give up on it just yet, until it has a real chance to shine, and to see the potential for true happiness.
Because, you just never know what lies ahead.
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A
female
reader, MsSadie +, writes (5 July 2013):
 Long distance relationships rarely work. And since the two of you haven't even met in the several months that you've been talking, I'd go ahead and call it a bust. There's usually a window of time where you have to meet someone in person who you've met online (or, in your case, on a phone app) before the chances of the relationship going anywhere drop dramatically.You said you don't have trouble meeting guys, so keep doing whatever you do to meet them. I think the only issue here can be explained by the old expression "putting all your eggs in one basket." You let yourself become so invested in this one guy that you can no longer take any other date potentials seriously. Snap out of it! This isn't even a person that you know in real life, so what you really like about him is made up of fantasy and the very superficial information that he's shared electronically.You can keep in touch with this dude, but I'd recommend waiting for him to initiate contact with you first. In the meantime, stick to the guys who you have no problem meeting in real life. If this other guy decides to finally come see you, then that's great! Just don't let yourself wait around for that to happen.
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