A
female
age
36-40,
*ibongile
writes:Please help me out here.I'm going through hell my husband is a very quiet kind of person he is not even romantic.while we were datin I think he a lil better compared to now wen we got married and had a baby.I dnt knw his dreams he doesn't knw mine.his lazy to talk.he prefers stayin in his room and lie on his bed the hole day.he so laze even to compliment me after doing a new hairstyle or bought something new,I'll try to start a conversation n it wil just end up in the air,I'll try to tell a joke he will just watch mw,I've cried many times infront of him he wud never say I'm sorry,I'll ask his opinion wen it cums to sesrious matters he'll say I dnt know,on new years day were together but he never gave me a hug and say happy new year,when we go to the mall he put under pressure n hurry me home just to lay on his bed n play with a pc or watch tv.when I did somethin wrong he will neva approach me he'll send a sms but we staying together wat pisses me off is yesterday was valentines day he neva said atleast happy valentine or do sumthn,we neva even celbretated our unnivesaries,I'll have a bad day at work n I wen I get home I knw telling him it wil be a waste of tym coz he'll never say anythin.I'll go through sum family stress he won't even help out.we are married but we r strangers.he is even lazy to greet me wen he find me home.he doesn't socialize n sumtyms I even wish to go on double date but he doesn't hv friends.I am so bored n this is serious.I thinks also being so very quet it also made him to have a stuffy smell in his mouth.we dnt kiss.we have sex after a long time.we dnt try new things in our sex life n other stuff.I would come with employment forms to fill in n he'll just sit bck n watch me.I'll went to enrol n he saw my staff he never asked nor show intrest.I'm bored this is not a joke.
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female
reader, sibongile +, writes (16 February 2012):
sibongile is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI tried following your advices and it ddnt work.he was so rude to me n even told me he doesn't want to talk to me.I tried and failed.I'm starting to believe that he doesn't luv me anymore coz I blv a person who trully luvs u will neva treat you like that.its about time I'm starting to live my own life n give my daughter more n more lov or shud I say the luv I have for him n adding it to my daughters love.life is too short to go around n hurt your loved ones coz u dnt knw wat mite happen tomorrow.I'm getting to a point whr by I'm regreting been married to him.we nt even married for a year but see how misserible I am.I'm always sleeping with a broken heart.my pillow is tired being wet of my tears.I'm so hurt to an extend that wen I'm seating tears wil just fall out of my eyes.am I going to go through this for the rest of my life?I dnt think so.enough is enough
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 February 2012): You do not know what is wrong with him... and neither do we.. I'm afraid he doesn't know it either..
I suggest a marriage counsellor or a couples counsellor..
If you have to fake a heart attack .. do it.. but take him to a counsellor.. cos only then you will figure out what is actually wrong and help him out..
Till then try to atleast get him out of the house .. like just for evening walks..
He might say no.. but tell the baby needs it and drag him out of the house..
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A
female
reader, sibongile +, writes (15 February 2012):
sibongile is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanx a lot for your advices I hope n wish it will help n seriosly a timeout is what I need and pamper myself
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A
female
reader, Dear Mandy  +, writes (15 February 2012):
 HI
Its sound like his suffering with depression, these are all signs of giving up. Sometimes when the honeymoon period is over , people tend to get into a habit or routine so to speak, but this is gone beyond that. Do you know if he takes drugs? sadly though unless he admits he has a problem and wants help, there is little you can do to help this matter. I would suggest you take time out, let him see what he will loose if he dosen;t get help. Maybe stay with a relative for a week or two, you need to be around people who care and are understanding for your sake and your child. Leave him some leaflets on the side about depression and how to cope with it, he may realise then what he needs to do for his family, but mostly for himself. If you cant or dont want to leave for a few weeks, try just getting on with your own life around him, let him see you are going out, having fun, being happy with friends when his not around, after a few weeks of this YOU will start to feel better about yourself and you will know for sure then what you want to do and where you want this marriage to go.
I wish you all the best
Mandy xx
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A
female
reader, sibongile +, writes (15 February 2012):
sibongile is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI wish it easy to convice him,if he is depressed y doest he tell me cos I've asked him many times.now its been three weeks we not talking n he doesn't see anythin wrong that is that normal.for heaven sake his 32 years old he is not a child.I once told him that went to consult at da physocologist for strss he never asked me about my stress n feed bck frm phsycologist.can u c wat I'm going through?
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 February 2012): Well in a lot of respects he sounds like your average husband! ;-) It's only usually when courting that they pay you a lot of attention so try not to take it personally!
What does concern me though is that he doesn't respond to anything you say and this is no fun for you. You do want to get some happiness out of the relationship. If he is lying on his bed all the time it sounds like he is depressed so it might be worth suggesting he sees the doctor to ask for free counselling, which is widely available now.
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A
female
reader, sibongile +, writes (15 February 2012):
sibongile is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI'm stressed.I have no one to talk to,I blv we r young to be living that uptite life.wen I think of this I sumtyms burst in tears.I'm bored I mean this is not a healthy relationship.I'm starting to disrepecy him n takin advantages of him being so quet.we hv a child how wil he discipline her in future.as my man I'm going to need advice frm him n knw he'll just say "I dnt knw"I am so lonely I dnt even see his role in this relationship.stayin indoors with him its not fun coz he doesn't talk.I've tried my best n I think I'm about to give up
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