A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:HelloI've had problems since I married and moved in together (been married 2 years. We have taken a 'break' where he has moved out. I find im a happier on my own, no stress of arguing about how much he drinks each evening, him not going to bed at reasonable time sitting up late watching tv when i've got work to go to every day etc. (his work is mainly 2pm - 9pm) He has always done his own thing since we married and has no respect for my feelings is a big part of our problems too. I find he only cares about himself.I have now met up a few times to discuss what is causing problems etc. No matter how many times i told him i was upset he ignored the problems so taking the break is the only way i see of him taking notice. So 3 weeks have passed. He says he wants to work it out but isnt making any effort and to my surprise i find out he has signed up to a local dating site but he doesnt know ive found this out. I know i havent given him any reason to think we can get back together but at least we are talking - i just think this is so incredibly wrong and embarrassing. But dont know what step to take next...
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 January 2013): He is so afraid to be alone for even a minute that he has already got the ball rolling on finding a new relationship or at least temporary female companionship. How pathetic is that. Why do you even consider staying with this loser? Even if for whatever reason you do, his actions show he is planning for the relationship to end so he isn't anywhere near as invested in saving the marriage as you are. That's not a good position for you to be in.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 January 2013): yeah sure he wants to work things out, that's why he is now looking for other people to date or sleep with, right?
wake up, you're already separated so you both have one foot out the door of this marriage already. Time to make it final and file for divorce. He's already moving on by looking for others to date or sleep with, so what are you waiting for?
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A
female
reader, Caring Aunty A  +, writes (23 January 2013):
 He simply isn’t making any effort because he is distracted elsewhere by being signed up to a local dating site! Actions speak louder than words! Yet in the course of your 2 year marriage and within those three weeks; he has spoken volumes of his integrity to fix his part in the marriage!?
I realise when someone asks the other to leave the house it’s a form of either escaping our problems or wanting to take control of our lives again… Meanwhile are we addressing our own personal/marital issues?
The next step would not be; holding ones breathe to see if he takes anymore notice… You’re already blue in the face waiting and now red with embarrassment. ? It’s time to breathe some fresh air by opening a new window!? ?
Take Care
CAA
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (23 January 2013): The same exact thing is happening to me. I left my husband a week and a half ago because of the constant lying and hiding financial information. We've been married less than 2 years and its been a constant struggle with him to be forthcoming about his financial situation. I had finally had enough and left. He has not once attempted to contact me (except to get his GPS out of my car). On that day, we spoke for a while about our expectations. I want to work things out but I still feels he needs to learn to be responsible and can only do so if he lives on his own (which he never has, and his Mommy does everything for him). He claims he does too, but needs some space to evaluate the relationship. He told me he was going out of town to visit his brother for the weekend to get away and clear his head, but would call me Saturday. I told him I understood. He never called. Not once all weekend. I found out Monday that he has joined a dating/chat site (a BeNaughty dating site) and has listed himself as single and looking for the one. Some of the conversations were so sexually graphic I wanted to vomit. And he was trying to meet up with the women that were local to the area he was visiting that same weekend while I sat at home and cried over our marriage! I'm not sure if he knows I know, and I really don't care anymore. I called my lawyer IMMEDIATELY and got the process started. That is not the behavior of a man who misses his wife or of a husband interested in saving his marriage. Move on! You will feel so much better when you accept that it's over. I know I do. Good luck to you!
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A
male
reader, CMMP  +, writes (23 January 2013):
I wasn't seeing eye to eye with my wife and I insisted she was to blame for our problems because of her attitude problem.
She became so fed up that she wanted a separation.
From that moment I tried to figure out what was really going on in our marriage. I did a lot of reading and soul searching and came to the realization that I loved her and needed to do what it took to fix our marriage and be a better husband. It also dawned on me that her attitude didn't come out of nowhere, it was from my actions/inactions.
Since then our marriage has been great. I've learned to see things from her point of view and am very aware of the things that I did that got her to the point of not wanting to be with me.
Since you've done something similar with your husband and the result was more promises and dating websites I would say that it's over and there's nothing left to do.
Counseling may work for a while, but to be honest with you, I don't think it's worth saving this marriage.
One more thing: you gave me the impression that you were being controlling with him and we're upset because he wasn't doing what he was told. You phrased it as him "having no respect for your feelings." What about having respect for his? Trying to guilt trip him into doing what you want may have been one of the reasons your marriage went bad.
But I see that you actually care and I don't get that impression from what you say about him.
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A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (23 January 2013):
 You write: "But dont know what step to take next... "
Let me help..... GO TO A VERY NASTY DIVORCE ATTORNEY and get things started......
Good luck....
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (23 January 2013): It sounds as if you are happier without him. He is hedging his bets - still trying to make it work out with you but planning a future if not. All in all, I would leave him to his dating site and tell him it's over. Would you want to spend the rest of your life with this man - it is a stark choice. If you have not seen a solicitor already, I would do just that.
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A
male
reader, SensitiveBloke +, writes (23 January 2013):
 Your next step is marriage counselling.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (23 January 2013):
 He's not committed to the marriage.
You are happier without him.
call it your "starter marriage" and see an attorney.
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A
female
reader, oldbag +, writes (23 January 2013):
 Hi
Divorce?
He has or is moving on already, your not happy together,you live apart and he is looking for a replacement.
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