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female
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*ophielegs
writes: Hi please could you help,Im confused.This time last year I met a great guy and we were together for about 4 months. Unfortunately I was unfaithful to him and he found out about this, I keep on asking myself why I cheated but I dont know why because he was everthing I was looking for.Anyway about 2 months ago we got in contact with eachother after about 7 months apart. We now see eachother about twice a week, he comes round to my house stays the night ect..... We get on fantastically and its like old times.But when I mentioned to him last week " where is this going"? he simply said no where. I was really gutted, he told me he cared for me but not enough to be with me in that way again.Im confused because when we are together it is like we are a couple, he is very loving towards me, he comes round for dinner, and when Im off on a night out he always textes me!!!Im not sure really what to do, I was thinking maybe carry on seeing him a couple of nights a week and see if things progress or am I wasting me time?????
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male
reader, agony_uncle_r  +, writes (7 February 2007):
being cheated on is the worst feeling to have, its gut renching and incredibly lonely.
the fact hes come back into your life is a blessing in itself so dont take it for granted. he obviously still likes you but the problem is once youve been cheated on theres always this little biting feeling of ''will they do it again, how could they in the first place'', that never ever goes away. even if you go on to marry and live a happy life for ever more.`
A
female
reader, cd206 +, writes (7 February 2007):
 He still feels betrayed from last time and isn't sure if he wants to risk getting hurt by you again. Being his friend is probably the best thing you can do right now because you're building up that trust again. Whether you'll ever get back to where you were is debateable and something only he can decide but keep him close and hopefully it'll all work out for the best.
CD
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A
female
reader, AskEve +, writes (7 February 2007):
 He's shielding himself from any more hurt. He likes you and is even a little jealous when you go out in case you meet someone else hence the text messages to keep his eye on you so to speak. However, from what you write, it sounds to me that you are both being intimate again. If he says it's going nowhere then I suggest you stop having sex with him. Once intimacy happens the emotions come into play. He's enjoying the sex with you and your company but he is telling you he's happy at that and doesn't want to commit to you again (probably because of what happened the last time.)
I think it's time to tell him yes, you'll be his friend but no more sleeping together. That way you keep your pride and self respect and also make it clear to him that now it's platonic, you are both free to date other people. If he's not happy with that he either moves on out of your life or makes a go of it.
Just remember he's been hurt in the past by you and he must be able to trust that you'll remain faithful to him and if you do fancy someone else in the future then you break it off FIRST.
If I'm being honest here I can't blame him. He's been burned and doesn't want to go down that road again. If you really care about him then you need to show him by your actions that you would never do that to him again. It will take the time for the trust to build though.
Eve
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