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female
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anonymous
writes: Dear Aunts,I am confused and i seek help from those who are purely here to help me as opposed to 'friends' that only give manipulating oppinions. Me and my boyfriend have been together for about 2 years and recently for about 4 months i have always felt on n off that it was just TIME to leave, there was no certain reason it' was just time i suppose? and because i've realized over time that we shouldn't be together for multiple reasons we are just TOO DIFF and even if ppl say opposites attract it's true but it gets hard sometimes because we're different and we don't see eye to eye, yet when we are together we just get along so well but when we fight, omg u couldn't even see how/why we love each other. so a recent issue has come up with us that i see him too much and i don't give him enough time on his owni said to himu say u want to marry me, yet u can't deal with a week of seein me? it's not that i don't want u to have ur own time it's just that i only guessed that u would wana spend time with me and i suppose one of the reasons why over time that i crave ur attention so much is because i never get it, u never call... it's always ME making plans to see u and wat not. so i can't help that the only time i get to feel lyk i'm with u is when i see u in person.and he jus said a whole lot of stuff that really cut me all together his issue is not having his personal space, my issue was that i don't get the attention that a boyfriend should give a girlfriend and that i'm always giving and his taking and he even admitted to it.so i said i'm jus so tired of us, i'm done... jus give up i dunno why ur holding onto us for so long (coz i've tried to break up with him before but i couldn't) then i said... we're over! 'no we're not' WE ARE! ' no! WE ARENT' then after he jus goes ok fine, but in future just remember it was ur decision and i just didn't reply until the morning he was real upset at me and i said to himi dunno if i meant wat i said last nite, all i noe is that i don't feel right breaking up and gettin bak like we used to. so if u really need us to be together i will think about it. and he said, i love you and i can't say i don't wana be together but it is truely up to you. i don't feel right being apart or with him, i dunno waht to do... i'm not ready to let go but i'm not bothered to keep trying.help me please.
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reader, anonymous, writes (9 February 2008): I understand completely what you are going through. I need help too. I spend most of my days tearing up inside and pretending to be ok when he has everything to do with my pain. I have no-one to console me because he used to be the one to do it. He used to be my best friend. He used to respect me. He used to care for me. Now he will leave at the drop of a dime(he won't even try to salvage what is left of us) and it hurts me to know that we won't work out even though he says he wants to marry me and asked me to have his four kids. We live together and it reached the point where the only thing we have in common is sex. I always thought he was worthy of me, but he can't even respect what hurts me most. Drops the lame lines ..."why you crying for?' 'you only going to hurt yourself" where as he used to hold me and let me know every thing will be fine even if he was the cause of my pain........... So I do not cry or show my feelings and I feel as if am becoming cold and emotonless. He will ask me my opinion right? Then when I give my whole hearted opinion he treats me as if am some scum enemy of his. For example he wants to be powerful and have millions, I believe that people should pursue thier dreams and focus on success in order to be happy and gain wealth. Hen I told him my opinion he blew up, so I pleaded to him that we are just too different and I don't want to argue or debate, but he kept going anyway evn though I appologized for giving my honnest opinion that he asked for. On he went, on he went talking down to me in an angry voice, none-stop. I just kept quiet then finnally said listen stop worrying about my opinion all you need to know is that I support your wishes no matter what, but you asked me for my opinon other wize I would have said nothing to you. He knows that I resent being fake so if he wants the truth I will give it to him........ Then he went to bed and I slept in the couch, by personal choice. Finally I went back in and said, "I am tired, I don't have time for childish crap and if you feel like sleeping in the couch you go, but I need good sleep....GOOD-NIGHT!" What is the point in being in an unhappy relationship, especially if the other person don't care enough to held Doctor it? How can I walk away knowing that it can be fixed? I involved him too deeply in my life to walk away.... All the family videos, Pictures, vacations. He changed and I stayed the same.......... what to do, what to do? Almost four years....... I do not want to waist 25 years down the road on something I know won't work out. I DON'T WANT TO LEAVE HIM OR HIM TO GO..... I WANT HIM TO GO BACK TO BEING THE MAN I FELL IN LOVE WITH, HE LIED TO ME AND NOW I'M IN DEEP!!!!!!!!!!!!
A
female
reader, ellie30  +, writes (7 January 2008):
honey i feel terrible for you, there is nothing worse than feelin unloved and un wanted and thats how he is makin you feel by lettin you initiate contact all the time, and after two years!!this sounds like a problem people have in the early stages of their relationship. i think you need to let him have his own space, use that time to get a hobby, meet new people, take the time for yourself, perhaps then he will see that he loves you very much and needs you in his life forever, perhaps pickin up the phone to ring you and you tell him you are busy that evenin, that will make him realise that you are in demand with other people and he should cherish you. the work in this relationship needs to be done by him, so chill out, back off a little go take some excersise or a poetry class, and let him do the running for a while!! hope i have been helpful, take care babe xx
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (7 January 2008): Hi Sweetheart
Sometimes in life these things are sent to test us to see how strong we are love and if you are planning on getting married then you need that time now to experience some you time as you are so confussed, He is a little confussed as well hunny so when he says he needs some quiet time its just to get his thoughts together, And I feel you need that to so you can really have a good think as to what you want, Its a horrible feeling when you love someone and then you get these doubts as you dont no where you are. Dont take it personally ok the more you argue the more upset you will get and this will take longer to sort out, You know I felt like this when I found my b/f as he was the first real true love and thats after 3 marraiges its so intence the feelings of love that it can make you want to run for the hills but at the same time you dont want to go anywere really, So your head gets very confussed. Think to yourself hunny well maybe if we do spend a little time apart he may miss you and he may phone you if you dont, Then after your you time which you will find hard at first, When you two do get to speak again you can speak better and explain things to each other in a more understanding way as you will have both missed each other, Its only the arguments that have got you both down as you dont want them in your life well not all the time everyone argues if they are together alot its inevitable, Take some time for you some real time and see how its goes sweetheart. If you feel like screaming inbetween message me and scream at me ill listen to anything you want to say love I hope this has helped a little TAKE GOOD CARE OF YOU HUNNY LOVE MANDY xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 January 2008): I sounds like you two should break up. It's difficult because you've been together for so long, but in the end, it's better for you both. On-off relationships can only drag on; there's little to no chance of it becoming permanently 'on'. If it's like this now, it's not going to change after you get married. It's going to be the same arguement, the same break up, and the same back together, as it is right now. Do you really want that for the rest of your life?
The only way it could work out, the way I see it, is if you both would see a relationship counsler. And from what you've said, I doubt he would attend. Just make a clean break. Focus on something else. Have a friend set you up with a nice guy from their office. Surround yourself w/ new things, and you'll stop returning to past relationships.
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A
female
reader, Laura1318  +, writes (7 January 2008):
 Tell him , he should initiate more and not let you be the initiator all the time. A man should not always let the woman initiate always.It is no fun. if he can change, then fine , if not, find another one.
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