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We are great friends and he wants to be with me but I just don't fancy him, am I being too picky? Or am I right to not want to risk our friendship?

Tagged as: Big Questions, Crushes, Friends<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (16 October 2012) 3 Answers - (Newest, 16 October 2012)
A female United Kingdom age 36-40, *herub_88 writes:

I have this friend - we have been friends for around seven years and I would class him as my BEST male friend.

Anyway, we met seven years ago - he was my best friend's bf for around 2 years and they have a child together. I am actually god mother :D yay!

Me and my friend fell out and havent spoken for about two years. she basically broke my heart and slept with my boyfriend behind my back :( We were together for 6 years and she ruined my future.

My best male friend has developed a crush on me (he hasnt been with the mother of his child for 5 years and I have been seeing somebody anyway since my break up)

I don't know what to do, he is a lovely guy and on paper me and him are perfect for each other but I just don't fancy him. I have told him we are better off as friends as we have been so strong for 7 years but I'm worried that I will lose him because he says he loves me and that we are meant to be.

Am i being too picky? Or am I doing the right thing by keeping him as just a friend?

View related questions: best friend, crush

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A female reader, So_Very_Confused United States +, writes (16 October 2012):

So_Very_Confused agony auntWhile it sux that your friend betrayed you… do realize that SHE did not ruin your future by sleeping with your boyfriend HE ruined it. If you want to call a future with a man willing to cheat on you a future….

IF you don’t fancy him, you don’t fancy him and you should NOT try to make it work… he will be hurt…

He may have to end the friendship if he loves you and can’t bear to be friends with you… that’s a risk you have to take….

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A male reader, justaguy71 Australia +, writes (16 October 2012):

Are you being too picky? Who knows but if you don't see him in that light, there's no point in trying to change things! Unless you are looking for marriage material and hope that the fancy him thing works later on, but probably not a great idea. Just stay friends, sounds like thats the most important thing for you guys.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (16 October 2012):

If you're not romantically attracted to him, you're right in not making it more than a friendship. Do recognize that if he sincerely wants to date you, being "just friends" with you may be too difficult for him in the long run. A very dear male friend of mine finally ended our friendship for this same reason, and I was sorry to see him go--but not sorry enough to try and forge a relationship when there were only platonic feelings on my end.

Basically, if you can't see yourself dating or sleeping with this guy, don't make what you have more than a friendship. Best of luck.

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