A
female
age
36-40,
*oidea
writes:ok..this may be long and i appologize but its doing my head in..also i hope it makes some kind of sense!2 and a half years ago i moved interstate with my partner for work ,hes always earned a lot of money and i also ended up with a pretty good job..after a year i was made redundant.in this time the first year and a half we spent arguing,breaking up ,getting back together..he moved away twice and left me here when he was the one who wanted to move here for work.More and more over time i have felt stuck here and i know he wants to stay as hes become money hungry.I miss my family and friends and this town is pretty boring. besides the pubs theres not much to do. a brief history of our relationship:I wont say all of the arguments are his fault,a few times i had gone out with new friends made through work and stayed out way too late.We've argued and patched things up that many times and over time things slightly improve from issues that come up and trying to work on them.he doesnt like me going out,sometimes he would pick at me to cause an argument so i wouldnt go and in my stubborness from being held away from my friends in my last relationship i would just go.Then the entire night he would text me telling me to move out and hed packed my stuff.he has said some horrible things to me over time and theyre hard to forget.there are other things like the ex girlfriends who are forever sending him dirty videos and such to his phone and iv seen he stored it on our computer.by the way he has accused me of cheating on him from the moment we got here and i made friends..hes always telling me to change my hair colour(im a brunette and the whole time we've known each other hes nagged me to change it to blonde).we dont do anything unless he wants to.when we go shopping he gets angry when i read labels.(i have insulin problems and need to know whats in my food)also anything else i go shopping for if im not finished grabbing what i need he stands over me until i just pick something or he leaves me there.he bought a house recently and a few times iv bought up i would like some kind of proof that i also pay half of his loan off,but he hasnt to this day! nor will he put me on his home loan..also the telling me to get out of HIS house has increasedif we do argue it happens every time,so i pack my things and move it all to the spaere room and start organizing to move home then he comes and changes his mind...its like he enjoys seeing me frustrated and knows i have nowhere to go except back interstate.he wont let me pay bills,but then when we have a tiff he will kick me out and say i dont pay for anything if i take longer than 10 minute getting ready to go somewhere he gets angry.I cant think of one time hes left me alone when im out somewhere unless i go out while i have a day off and hes at work.until recently.. i planned to go to a friends party,selling bags and stuff.before i left i was under the impression i would be home around 9-10 but eventually we decided to head out ,i thought to call my partner to let him know but thought im so used to him screaming at me the minute i wake up the next day..in fact i eventually forgot to contact him at all and ended up rocking up home at 4am..so all day while he was avoiding me i was thinking..finally he has left me alone for the night and not harrassed me and iv stuffed it completely..i felt awful and ended up sucking up ,he then said to me to pack my stuff again..so i have.I am now so confused as this has happened over and over and were always trying again that i decided to organize leaving for good..then again,as usual he tells me he loves me and doesnt want me to go,The thing is that its great when we do work things out,things feel new again..but soon that wears off and its back to the same old feeling of being trapped/I do love him and that is making the final decision hard.Last night he kind of came on really strong about his feelings for me and said to me he would "try to let me go"I just dont know what to do..Just get it done and leave when im confused?or stay with the fear that all this will happen again over something else?
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at work, ex girlfriend, money, moved in, text, trapped Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Laura1318  +, writes (13 May 2010):
 Three strikes and he is out. If you both can't work it out, it meant that you guys are not compatible with each other.
You are now back in the control of your life.
Good luck to you !
A
female
reader, noidea +, writes (13 May 2010):
noidea is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthanks guys! with much thought..
(even more that i gave to move here in the first place)
i have decided to just go..i feel i have tried many times and so has he to make this work and no matter how much i tell myself this one last time could be it..I know i have said that over and over and the key thing that causes us to argue is my unhappiness here.
Things may be tough moving home,may even take a while to get myself started again but im hoping I have made the right decision
cheers :)
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A
female
reader, Laura1318 +, writes (12 May 2010):
When love is gone , sex will feel like a chore. This is true in everything when love has flown out of the windows. You will begin to see all his faults .
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A
female
reader, noidea +, writes (12 May 2010):
noidea is verified as being by the original poster of the question
i just want to make up my mind as he seems very upset that i cant make a decision as is being very understanding..for now
theres one more thing we have tried to fix as it was aproblem for both of us..
When we first met we had a pretty sexual relationship and its since we moved here that our sex life went down hill.
I mean Im 23 and i really like sex,i do watch porn and I am attracted to other girls,I am not gay! but i appreciate a beautiful woman.
When we have sex it feels like a chore,sometimes he nags and nags for days and i give in.
he doesnt try to turn me on he just expects that i should be horny because he is.
he gets angry because i dont make alot of noise .
he has mentioned anal sex many times and i have made it clear i do not want to do it ever,then he calls me a prude and i ask him to leave it because i wont change my mind..
I have had to tell him this over and over and he still doesnt get it.
I think sometimes bcause he watches so much porn maybe he thinks that all the things those girls do is what girls enjoy?
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A
female
reader, Laura1318 +, writes (12 May 2010):
Try your very best to resolve any conflicts with him.
Some men in the heat of the argument will say hurtful words or ask you to pack your things and go home. Then they will regret what they said and asked you to stay.
Words said in anger should not be taken to heart. You should ignore those hurtful words when spoken in anger.
He does not really meant it and he is just lashing out because he is in pain.He is unable to control his emotions when he is angry.
You need to stand up to him and do not allow him to treat you this way.
If you have tried your very best and you still separate then you won't have regrets .It was not your fault.
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A
female
reader, noidea +, writes (12 May 2010):
noidea is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthankyou for your input..and i sort of know that i should just go.
hes being extremely sweet after i have said i would like to move home as things are just becoming too much for me here and i cant move on frome the past..he has told me that it may be for the best and that he still loves me and wants me to stay.. seems to want to make it hard on himself by asking me to sleep with him,he keeps hugging me and trying to kiss me.
I cant just leave right now if i could i would,it does make it hard that we moved here and i left all my family and friends behind,and really thats the only place i could go.
Its so expensive to live here,normal rental price is around 350 a week even for an old house.
So in a way im grateful hes being kind and letting me stay.I actually booked a flight 2 months ago for a holiday home for 5 days and its only 2 weeks away.
But it is making my decision harder.
Its making me feel like its all in my head the things that happen and that i should just give it another real chance.
he told me he thinks its strange how its gone from me being wrong for staying out so late without even calling, to me wanting to leave this state..
he said while we were both arguing that i just wanted to take the blame off me,but obviously i know what i did was wrong and i know i would be angry too.
he says hes forgiven me for that and doesnt know why i wont stay..
all i want to do is make the right decision,i know its going to send me broke moving back interstate and taking all my stuff and i have the feeling it will take me a while to get over our relationship..all the good times we have had, ill want to move back,but he will be the only reason why.
it will take me a bit to find an new job and get a house
it looks to me like im running away when things get too tough and im running home to mummy
if i stay im a stuck here for atleast another 2 years,until he wants to sell his house
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 May 2010): Hello,
He sounds controlling to me. When he can't have his way he orders you out makes you feel like you have to obey him.
He won't allow you be who you are. He's not your father and he acts like he is.
On again off again its not healthy dear. You deserve to be happy and with him your obviously not.
Get out on your own. Take some time for you. You'll eventually meet someone who will treat you well.
Good luck,
;D
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (11 May 2010):
This won't work. On/off relationships never work. That's the reason they're on off. You need to let him go and move on from him, because otherwise this will be your life. Just on/off
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 May 2010): Hey Hun,
i'm 13 but i got to say i am a very mature 13 year old.
Last year the happened with me and my boyfriend,and i found out he was calling me a slut and telling his friends stuff about me. Well I just think maybe i would be best if you left him. I know how it fells to leave someone. My current ex just left me and i still love him, yesterday he told me he was falling for me, and its just hard but i know its best if we don't see each other. I really think you should find someone better, cause i know it's not okay to be in a abusive relation ship.
Hope this helps
Hannah
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