A
female
age
,
anonymous
writes:Before my husband and I got together, he had a wife who got him into debt. After she walked out on him and his kids, he got a girlfriend who completed the process. The hole that the ex-wife started was dug deeper by the girlfriend. My husband is a very kind hearted, giving person and really quite naive. He believes any sad story that anyone tells him, he supported the girlfriend for over six months when she lost her job (paid her rent, utilities, bought food and provided her with credit cards). His thanks was that she was seeing other guys and gave him the old "heave-ho" after he got a car loan for her. Now, his finances (which are also MY finances are in shambles). He is now being sued for one of those credit cards that he was unable to pay to the tune of $6000. We are behind on our mortgage (6 weeks). I'm behind on my car payment. We are constantly harrassed by creditors. Now we have to hire an attorney for the credit card fiasco.Ok, that's our financial picture. Now, it's almost Christmas and my husband insists on spending his usual $100 on each child (he says he's ALWAYS done it and they would be disappointed if he didn't. They are 28, 27 and 25) He also has 5 grandchildren and they each will be getting $20-30 gifts as will three daughters in law and his parents. Of course, we can't forget the big Thanksgiving and Christmas dinners we will be putting on. Food is not cheap and no one contributes anything. Also, one son and his wife and two kids will be staying with us for 5 days at Thanksgiving. They are all big eaters and I can just see the grocery store tape total! But, Dad does it all. He is superman and would rather die than have his kids know we are hurting for money. My family will either receive nothing or dollar store gifts (I have no kids of my own but nephews that I practically raised when their mother left and will be very hurt if they receive nothing from me). How can I make my husband see that his kids are more understanding than he thinks? He's like a kid himself at Christmas and it's like he is blocking out our money problems. HELP!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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reader, anonymous, writes (17 November 2009): Firstly, thank goodness he has you for a wife.He sounds like my Dad, He never lets anyone else apay for anything and always insists on throwing money around.You could try an intervention, but I think that might depress him. Men from his era (even myne) are suppost to pay for things and be able to provide for everyone. have you spoken to his children about this, see if they are willing to help and if maybe they could take some of the debt from you.Although I have over 15 years experence in banking and financial services, my knowledge is limited to Australia wher I live. Americas banking system is quite different to myne so any financial advice I could give wouldnt be too helpful.Ill try though:The first option is called a bridging loan, in other words you ask your bank or another bank for a loan to pay all your other debts. this has the advantage of you having only one bill to worry about and will save both yours and his credit rating for the future. Im not sure if these are available in the US though. Try and seeThe second trick is one I discovered myself for credit cards. Yo will need about $1000 im afraid but also a high interest earning account. atleast 5% per year and paying in monthly. Put as much money as you can and top it up each month, use the interest earned within the month to pay the credit cards minimum and then at the end of the year pay the whole balance to the card. that should pay the card off quite quickly and save you from crediters.Hope this help, sorry if my bank info doesnt work in the USA
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