A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:My boyfriend and I have been together for a year now and are in love. I'm starting to think about having sex, problem is, this is the first serious relationship I've been in, same with him, so we're both pretty shy. (We're nearly 18)I was just wondering if anyone could give me advice on how to mention it without shocking him or appearing too forward? And when I say we're both pretty shy I mean the furthest we've gone is making out and letting him into my bra. Also, do girls actually get any pleasure their first time? Friends have said that they didn't and it was over pretty quick cos their boyfriends were virgins too.Thanks a million!
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female
reader, Tii3RN3Ybbs. +, writes (8 August 2008):
 So your both virgins,
i think this is easier.
Because both me and my boyfriend were virgins,
and i found it easy to tlk to him about it..
If you just sit him down and talk about it.
you's can both talk and tell eatchother if you are comfertable doing it yet.
maybe if he isn't ready, just slow down and wait untill he thinks he's ready,
maybe he's thinking the same as u and to shy to bring it up.
or maybe he just wants to take the relationship slow,
Try talking to him about it.
It May work and you will find out , where you both are in a relationship (: x
A
female
reader, spiceybaby117 +, writes (6 August 2008):
Hey
kk. so if your in a relationship where your mature enough to have sex you should be mature enough to talk about it. so when your on your own just say to her how much you love her and wether she thinks she is ready to do it. ...
and make sure if its both of your first times its special dont just do it. xxx
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A
female
reader, spiceybaby117 +, writes (6 August 2008):
Hey
kk. so if your in a relationship where your mature enough to have sex you should be mature enough to talk about it. so when your on your own just say to her how much you love her and wether she thinks she is ready to do it. ...
and make sure if its both of your first times its special dont just do it. xxx
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A
male
reader, daletom  +, writes (6 August 2008):
"Thinking about having sex" isn't necessarily the same as being ready for sex. Did you know it's common for teen couples - even those who have been together for years - commonly break up shortly after adding sex to their relationship?
If you haven't started to discuss things like the significance of sex in a relationship, when is sex proper, expectations of sexual exclusivity, etc, you're not ready for a mature sexual relationship. Try to raise some of these topics with him. Start in a general sense - something like, "Do you think people should wait for marriage before they have sex?" rather than focusing on you two. That will help both of you feel more comfortable with the discussion. If you just asked, "Don't you think it's time we had sex?" he may feel pressured into something he's not ready for.
The satisfaction from most people's first sexual experience is almost never based on the physiological process (arousal, orgasm, etc) but rather on the mental and emotional aspects.
Both of you will almost certainly be nervous, fumbling, inept, and ineffective. You will probably experience some pain, ranging from moderate discomfort to hurts-like-hell. (Rupturing your hymen is only part of it - there's a bunch of muscles that must be stretched open as your vagina envelopes his penis.) He will probably climax much too quickly - or he might go soft and be unable to finish, or even enter you. You probably won't have an orgasm from the intercourse. You will both probably come out of it with a whole range of emotions you don't understand, and will think much differently about each other (not necessarily in a bad way).
On the physiological side of things there's a lot you can do to make your first time more enjoyable.
If you two haven't spent some time in non-penetrative sexual lovemaking (including fondling, oral sex, petting, "outercourse", etc) you almost guarantee an embarrassing, fumbling, inept and painful (emotionally and physically) first experience. It takes anywhere from a few days to several months of shared nakedness, learning each other's responses, etc to make intercourse go well. I suggest that you start this learning and familiarization process before trying to have fully penetrative sex.
There is a LOT more about first-time sex in a recent thread called "I know it's said that size is not important but . . . " at [http://www.dearcupid.org/question/i-know-its-said-that-size-is-not.html] and some old posts like "I'm a virgin and worried about my wedding night...", at [ http://www.dearcupid.org/question/im-a-virgin-and-worried-about-my-wedding.html ]. (Scroll the thread to find my post.) Even though it was lousy sex, our first time was still very significant and meaningful to my wife and I! You might also look at what I wrote in the thread "First time - painful?" at [ http://www.dearcupid.org/question/first-time---painful.html ].
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A
female
reader, Dreamie Tofu +, writes (6 August 2008):
My First time wasnt that pleasurable but it made a great memory for me knowing my boyfriend was careful and we had fun it was like i was learning. But yeah just talk to him tell him that you trust him and all and you want to loose it to someone you trust and it seems that he is the one (if he is) You only have one chance so give it to someone your ready for. Dont really bring up the word sex it can sound scary. Like lets have sex im ready. Thats to extreme just tell him how you feel and how he feels about it. The first time might seem awkward but things will get better =] you'll learn to enjoy it!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 August 2008): tell him that you are ready to have sex and ask him if he is. if he is then that's great.. the first time it does hurt and you may bleed a bit. everyone's different but you don't usually get pleasure the first time, you just get through breaking the hymen. once you start having more sex it should start feeling good.. it's different for everyone. good luck.
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