A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hello all! Thank you for taking the time to read this... I am very close to one of my guy friends. We see each other almost everyday, and we enjoy each other's company. A few weeks back, though, we slept with each other, and have been doing so ever since. I have been confused about how he feels. I don't think he and i would make a good couple, but I cannot help but like him. Last night he told me that he does not want to ruin our friendship by escalating things, and that he is happy the way they are. in turn, i agreed with him. i feel as if we are basically a couple, but without the title. I worry that subconsciously I am acting okay with the situation in hopes that he will change his mind about just being friends. In all reality, I have no idea how I really feel. My mind is all a jumble. So, basically, what i want to know, is what does this all mean? am i getting myself into a big mess? Do you think that he also likes me, but is trying to take things slowly in terms of commitment? Can someone help me find clarity in all this? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, shandygirl +, writes (6 August 2008):
 Oh, and I think if he would be OK with you seeing other guys, then (unless you don't mind him using you) I would stop having sex with him.
If it were me, that is how I would handle it.
(I agree with Uncle Phil's point of view)
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (6 August 2008): Would you mind him sleeping with other girls right now?
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A
female
reader, shandygirl +, writes (6 August 2008):
If you did not feel the same way about escalating your relationship to a higher level, then why did you agree with him?
If it were me, this situation would drive me nuts. I would have said, "I disagree, I don't want to be with anyone else, but if that is how You feel about it, then that means I am a free bird. So... I guess you won't mind if I see other guys. Right?"
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (6 August 2008): Call me an old fuddy-duddy or old fashioned, but I never heard of this 'Friends with Benefits' before I found this site last year. You can give your arrangement with this guy whatever title you wish, but I'd call it a quick fuck whenever either of you wanted it with no strings attached. It's not the way we used to do things, but I guess I have to move with the times.
If he hasn't mentioned commitment, there isn't any. No more than there would be if he was picking up some piece of crumpet in the bar and taking her round the back of the pub for a quick one up against the wall. Now THAT'S the way we used to do it. No strings attached, no emotional involvement, no getting all lovey-dovey, no exchange of phone numbers, just bodily fluids.
If you want all that sort of stuff then you need someone who is going to commit, and this chap does not appear to be the one. Simple as that.
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