A
male
age
30-35,
*etThereBeRock
writes:I'm a 19 year old male and I started dating a girl from my university dorm this school year. Up until then, neither of us had a very serious relationship and both of us are virgins. Things have progressed naturally and we both enjoy spending time with each other very much.My girlfriend is only a tad bit bigger than average but her curves turn me on like crazy sometimes. Early on in our relationship she was self-conscious about it but has grown to really trust me and not let it bother her any more. It gets to the point where sometimes we'll be going to bed and we'll hardly get any sleep for hours because I can't keep my hands off of her. I enjoy touching her and going down on her and I can tell she enjoys it too. A handful of weeks ago, we tried having sex for the first time but I lost my erection by the time I got the condom out. This bothered her a lot and she blamed herself, which really got to me because it was hard to convince her that she didn't do anything wrong because she turns me on so much in general.We tried a few times after that over the past month with similar results, either it didn't stay as hard by the time I tried to penetrate, or I tried and couldn't get in and she got frustrated which made me lose it like someone flipped a switch. I got extremely frustrated initially back knew that would only start a never-ending cycle...so we just say that it will happen when it happens and we can't put pressure on ourselves.The next time we tried was a few weeks ago, with similar results: I couldn't really "get it in" which is as stupid and frustrating as it sounds. She got a little upset and I found out that what was bothering her was she wanted to know if I really had the right feelings for her. Long story short, we both now know 100% that we're fully emotionally in this relationship for better or worse.So, there isn't a whole lot left to "blame" (bad word, I know). I make sure we don't try on a night I've been drinking, I swear I'm very relaxed and enjoying myself so it isn't nerves, it isn't some underlying uncertainty about our feelings for each other...and yet she always ends up asking if she's doing something wrong when she's trying to touch me and I won't physically respond. When I do get and keep an erection, I make sure to have the condom opened and nearby so I can make sure I have a strong one and put it on when I'm rock hard...I think part of the problem is the failed entry frustrates both of us enough that things go south from there. I usually end up telling her it's ok and go back down on her for a little bit but it's tough to get another erection afterwards...I obviously know the female anatomy enough to know where to "aim" and all that...should I maybe tell her to guide me in with her hand of something? Maybe she's tense too, part of me wants to just go all out with blankets and a pillow or two so she's completely relaxed and not focused on the outcome...it's just really hard when your body basically flips itself off as soon as something negative happens, even when I don't stress about it anymore.I could just really use advice about maintaining an erection, as well as getting inside her, as silly as that sounds...maybe the angle of entry is a little off or I'm doing something wrong...we're working on the communication aspects and all that the best we can. I just usually don't know what else to tell her besides that it's a mental thing and I'll just do the best I can...we're going to have my dorm room to ourselves in a week for a day/night before she goes home for break, and she said she's ready to try again...we're both ready and willing to make this happen, it's just a little frustrating when it doesn't work out. Thanks for any and all advice you can provide on this stuff...isn't easy detailing personal things but sex is supposed to be enjoyable and not a difficult stresser, so I'm ready to try as much as needed to make her feel great.
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both virgins, condom, erection, university Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, chickpea2011 +, writes (18 December 2011):
 Hi LetThereBeRock,
Have a wonderful time with your girlfriend and don't worry too much. Just relax and enjoy. Remember that you are both lucky to be in love and be each others first...
Happy holidays!!
A
male
reader, LetThereBeRock +, writes (18 December 2011):
LetThereBeRock is verified as being by the original poster of the questionAppreciate the responses...going to see her tomorrow evening, can't wait. Anybody else have any words of advice when it comes to my situation?
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (13 December 2011): Me and my bf were both virgins when we lost are virgitny to each other are first was remeberable because we couldn't get it it and first tryed for an hour was funny and when we did eventually get it in it popped out a few times and it hurt and was painful for me at first x we was both so nervous because neither of us knew what we was doing :):) just relax :):) and laugh when it doesn't work even if it get frustrating because worry etc won't help x oh and since mine and bf first time things have got easier :)
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A
male
reader, unknown2u +, writes (12 December 2011):
Yes, having her guide you is always best. And yes, you'll need to push a bit unless she's on top. For sure you want to have her call the shots as much as possible.
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A
male
reader, LetThereBeRock +, writes (12 December 2011):
LetThereBeRock is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for the advice so far, I'll be sure to let her put it on so as to not slow the momentum too much..
I've fingered her with 1 or 2 fingers plenty of times so far, but I know that actual intercourse is going to feel much different for her...I want her to help guide me in, but would it make sense for me to push with a little pressure (not too much, I swear) just so it's easier to get in while she helps? Up until now I've only pushed just a little bit because I'm worried about hurting her or pushing too hard without having "lined up" properly...again this sounds silly but I want to go at a pace comfortable for her, but even getting inside has been the problem at hand..
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A
female
reader, chickpea2011 +, writes (12 December 2011):
Hi letThereberock,
You guys are so sweet and I am happy that you both found each other to be the 1st time... You both are luck....
Even though you love her, you are attractive to her and not stress I think that the last experiences is making you feel nervous and rushing things, because you want to do it so bad, make it right, and unconsciously you are pressuring yourself.
My suggestion is to relax and enjoy each other. When the week that you have your dorm free, take her out to dinner, be romantic, and just have fun. Have a drink, 1 beer, 1 glass of wine, just to relax... Buy some candles, and some lube or Kay to help and make the experience to be more enjoyable. Like the previous poster suggested, ask your girlfriend to help you put the condom, and take your time. Be sweet, a lot of touching, ask her to guide you and just help each other. It's supposed to be loving and fun. If you can't do it the 1st time, don't be sad, try again... Many couples do it 2-3x in one night, so don't be discourage.
I know you are the man, but you both are each others first, so don't be embarrassed, I am sure your girlfriend will gladly help you. It's difficult for everybody the first time, we all learn and practice make it perfect! :-)
You guys are so sweet and so cute!!! It's going to be ok.... Don't worry...
Happy holidays!!!
Good luck/best wishes...
Ps: the 1st time will not be fireworks, and it's ok... As an older woman, I can tell you the more you do it the better it gets, and the better it feels.. Just enjoy, because these are the best years of your lives...
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A
male
reader, unknown2u +, writes (12 December 2011):
People preach about condoms, and for good reason. But they can be terribly unsexy. Things are going hot and heavy, and then you have to stop and deal with the ruddy thing. You're not the first to have this problem.
So -- how about integrating the condom with your foreplay? Yes, have the package open and waiting. Have her put it on as part of the foreplay. You want her, you find her sexy, so have her put it on while she's doing what turns you on.
Don't break the action, have it as part of the action. Be inventive!
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