A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I am a gorgeous girl who never lacks male attention, however, one year ago I met a man who I started dating long distance. We are in love, or so we say. He has children, I also have 1 child. We both have been dating other people since about the 2nd month of our relationship, I have a hard time with this, in both sides. He swears he does not have sex with these girls, I do not know really, but he has lied to me a few times and he does not tell them he has a girlfriend. Honestly, neither do I.I am worried as I am moving into his country soon. We are love each other, but we are not faithful to each other, we are very jealous (both of us) and are on/off often. Now, I have a child, he also does. I am looking for the real thing, but so far all I had were men who cheated on me, and I have done the same to end those relationships, not to start them like I did with this one.He is a sweetheart, but extremely lonely and a loner, also independent. I spend days in his country to visit with him and he is always working or with his children, no time for us except 2 hrs at nite when we have sex. He wants to marry me and I always evade the question because I know we are unfaithful and deep inside me I do not think we can work out if we are together and living in the same place. He adores me and he thinks I am the love of his life, I feel this, but we are both in a really different place in our life, nobody from my circle understands and I feel left out by love. I love him but I am not longer in love with him. I had a paralel relationship that ended within 3 months and honestly, the whole time I was thinking about my longdistance boyfriend.I cannot for some reason admire another man, which makes it difficult because it is the way I fall in love. I want him for me, but I play with him as he does with me. I need advise, someone mature who can shade some light into my situation. I am not happy, but is there happiness for true? I love being with him and that is all I know, my child also loves him so much as he does to the both of us.what to do? continue like this? leave him? have his baby (yes, i am pregnant of him now)?
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cheated on me, has a girlfriend, jealous, long distance Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, firstlovelastlove  +, writes (25 February 2011):
 A little more information. Or, some things to ask yourself. "all I had were men who cheated on me, and I have done the same to end those relationships, not to start them like I did with this one." Does this mean "all" your past relationships involved cheating? And does this mean this is the first relationship you started not because you wanted revenge or pay back or something like these things?"we are not faithful to each other, we are very jealous (both of us) and are on/off often" Is the jealousy because of competition? Because of a fear of losing him?"I am looking for the real thing" I think this is truly wonderful! From what I can tell I believe you've had some kind of epiphany or maybe even a spiritual awakening."no time for us except 2 hrs at nite when we have sex." As I'm sure you know, this doesn't fit with you wanting "the real thing". How long has this "2 hrs at nite" been going on?"nobody from my circle understands and I feel left out by love" maybe it's time for a new "circle". The meaning of life is to love and be loved unconditionally. The fact you realize you are "left out by love" suggests to me you know what you want and realize you don't have it. Not yet anyway. But you will one day."I love him but I am not longer in love with him." I am just one man but I believe this statement is 'the kiss of death' or 'the end' of any romantic relationship."I had a paralel relationship that ended within 3 months and honestly, the whole time I was thinking about my longdistance boyfriend." I think you really need to spend time un-romantically involved. Whether it's a weekend, a week, a month or longer just some 'down time' to figure out who the real you is and exactly what you want/need to be truly happy. More than happy, filled with joy, absolutely thrilled to be alive."my child also loves him so much" This is very important. You need to be very very careful with your child's feelings."is there happiness for true?" Yes, there sure is."i am pregnant of him now" please make sure you and your unborn child are healthy now and remain healthy."continue like this?" No. "leave him?" No. "have his baby" Yes.You really need to take some time for yourself to find out what will give you true happiness, joi de vivre. Once you know what this is for you the steps will appear before you and you will take to them like a fish takes to water. I truly wish you all the best!
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