A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:Both of us are married and are having an affair. He works few months here and most of the time overseas.We both know that we really cannot be together, but we are so much inlove or so I think. I know that I love this guy and he says that he loves me too.We had sex a few times, we were together a couple weekends and everything was fine but recently, he hardly call me, unless I call him. He says that he is afraid to call the house or my cell.Presently, we decided not to have sex again,but just to be very good friends, we still love each other, but I suggested that we try not to be alone at anytime. Becasue we both have good marriages and I don't want to reck his or mines ( I already kinda done that by sleeping with him ) but I made a big mistake and I don't want to go there again. I question is why doesn't he call me ??? he went away for a few months and never called, only email a couple times when I emialed him. I think I already know why but I just need to hear it from someone else. I know both of us did something wrong and I am sorry but I just want to be long distance friends nothing more and he does understand this. He says that he is always busy, he does have a high profile job and his phone is always ringing off the hook. What is going on here ???
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 April 2007): Thanks to all of you for your answers, but Dr. Mark you just said everthing that make sense,Thanks for being honest and sweet about it, it really sounds like you do understand. Yes, I do love him, but I have to move on. i just wanted to say special thanks to you.
A
male
reader, Dr. Mark +, writes (17 April 2007):
First off, I am not going to judge you or your friend. Affairs happen for many different reasons, and it is easy for those who do not understand to judge you.
It sounds to me like one of three things have happened here:
1. He wanted you for extra-curicular sex, and now that he knows he won't be getting it from you, he is moving on. He might already be working on the next extra-curicular partner. I'm sorry to say, but as kind and loving as a man might sound, it can be part of a seduction to get what he might not be getting somewhere else.
2. He is afraid of getting caught. He feels that contact with you is high risk, and his fear of getting caught is so strong that it outweighs anything else.
3. He really believes what he did was wrong, and feels very guilty. He does not want to talk to you, because that will remind him of what he has done, and make it harder for him to reconcile to his wife. He wants his mind free to focus on his work and his family.
I don't know which of these is more likely in his case.
As hard as it may be for you, I think it is time for you to start to detach yourself from him. Yeah, it's hard when you feel in love, but I think you will only hurt yourself if you continue to pursue him.
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A
male
reader, agony_uncle_r  +, writes (17 April 2007):
lol you dont want to damage your marriage? did you think that befor or after you slept with another man?
its not fare on your husband wat your doing, if you think your in love with another man then stop being selfish and tell your husband your a cheat and let him move on to someone who has the respect and love for him to remain faithfull and you can be with this guy who treats you so casually it suggests he doesnt love you as much as you think.
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A
female
reader, trueheartconfused  +, writes (17 April 2007):
He might have made the right decision and already moved on , or he is currently seeing someone else and decided to forget
about you. The fact that he can go on a few months without
calling you just means he wasn't even thinking about you the
whole time, and you shouldn't either.
Men knows how to use the phone, if he really loves you, he
would move mountains just to be with you ,he would call you
just to hear your voice, but it seems you are the person that
is doing all the calling or emailing. First of all , as far
as I know, men enjoy the chase, let him chase you , if he
is not calling you , emailing you , telling you he is thinking
about you , you are really better off without him.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 April 2007): I agree with KellyO that this man's decision was wiser than yours. He knows, and you know, that what you were doing, cheating on your spouses, was very wrong, and had to end.
I think that in telling you he wants to remain as very good friends, he is trying to let you down gently - i.e., you should not expect to hear from him again, not locally, not from long-distance, either.
Focus on your marriage and forget about "loving" this man. Consider, if you like, that you had your "fun", but now its over and done with. No more!
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A
female
reader, kellyO +, writes (17 April 2007):
 I think in the case his action here seems wiser than yours. Why do you want to remain friends with someone that you cheated with. That kind of friendship distant or not isn't healthy.Since you have realise it was a mistake so treat it as one.Have you told your husband what went on? Deceit isn't good at all in any relationship. How do you think he will feel knowing that you cheated on him and still wanting to keep friendship with this guy. Think about it.
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