A
male
age
36-40,
*9876
writes:Ok, background on me and my girlfriend, I'm 20, she's 23, we are both down to earth Christians and have been dating for 6 months now, which isn't long but its going brilliantly! She is big on the whole sex before marriage, and am to, BUT...About 3 years ago I wasn't enjoying life much and made a big mistake, I had sex a few times. I've always regretted it. I told my girlfriend that I'd never had sex, I was a coward and scared of her reaction. Should I just come clean? No matter how much I regret it, or how long ago it was, she will take the truth very hard, and we'll have those horrible "trust issues". This doesn't sound too bad, but she's going to Canada for 6 months soon, and I know coming clean might weaken the relationship to the point where it won't survive the distance. Any help would be great
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male
reader, 09876 +, writes (18 April 2008):
09876 is verified as being by the original poster of the question Thanks for your helps people! I am resolved to tell her, but after the trip I think. She deserves to enjoy it and we'll have a stronger relationship and handle it better.
Thanks again everyone!
Oh and full marks for this man! haha, a funny truth.
"(Funny how many responders are saying that your GF is owed the truth from you. That's not always the tone of the feedback when a girl asks the same kind of question on here about revealing her past.)"
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (17 April 2008):
I agree with the others. She deserves the truth, but save it until after the trip.
(Funny how many responders are saying that your GF is owed the truth from you. That's not always the tone of the feedback when a girl asks the same kind of question on here about revealing her past.)
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A
female
reader, Laura1318  +, writes (17 April 2008):
 I think you should hold on to it till after her trip.
Otherwise, you may mar her joy and fun.
This is not the time yet to add to her problems.
Maybe later when the time is right.
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A
male
reader, jlove  +, writes (17 April 2008):
 u gotta spill the beans. god punishes lying boyfriends and husbands. trust me. i was one. and he will also expose her to the truth. better tell her before he does.
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A
male
reader, friendleyness +, writes (15 April 2008):
hey dude if you are planning to get marred to her then yes you should tell her then because trust and honetsy is one of the most important virtues in any relationship.
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A
female
reader, Isabella1974  +, writes (15 April 2008):
 Hi sweety, you have not blown anything. Your past is your past so there was nothing wrong with what you have done in the past, you did not hurt anyone. Ofcourse the one thing i would say is that you should have been upfront with her and told her that you did have sex in the past. If this is important to you both, i feel you should tell her, but the reason you said you were a virgin was that you were afraid to say it to her before as you did not want to lose her. If you both really want this relationship to work i am sure it will. People are not perfect, everyone makes mistakes and for some reason or another people conceal the truth because they think its the right thing to do, but to be honest, honesty is always the best way to go. Good luck and god bless x
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (15 April 2008): You've blew it by allowing the relationship to progress on a lie. You say its brilliant, but only cos you have misrepresented yourself. You need to tell her the truth and hope for the best. If you had told the truth at the start it would have given her a option to continue or not, by witholding the truth you took away that choice.
God Bless D X
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (15 April 2008): Well I'm a christian too, and have always been against sex before marriage. But somehow I ended up having sex too, but my first time was with the guy I'm still with now. It wasn't a one night stand or anything, we're in love and have been since we first laid eyes on each other. So does this excuse what we did? I'm not really sure to be honest.
I think you should come clean with her about it, because she'll end up finding out some way or another. The guilt of not telling her will probably eventually get to you and you'll blurt it out. And the longer you leave it, the worse. You need to get this out of your system honey, before it is left for too long. I know it's difficult, but if she loves you, she'll realise it was a mistake long ago and that you've changed and moved on. She should be happy that you've learnt from your mistake! A lot of people don't. Sure, she might be mad for a day or two, but christianity is about forgiveness. We're all human and all make mistakes, and I'm sure she'll realise this and put your past to the back of her mind. Reassure her that you wouldn't do the same thing again, that it's her you love, and nothing would make you happier than a beautiful wedding night with her. Good luck :]
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (15 April 2008): If she asks tell her but don't go into too much details, it doesn't do to reveal too much.
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