A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I feel so angry with my parents and so many relatives and so-called friends. My parents decided to hold a family party which was an absolute disaster. My dad who initially agreed to this party believing that we wouldn't go ahead with it, then spent the next 3 months trying to put us off organising it. The party was partly for him and being an attention seeker he decided that the best way to get attention was for him not to go. I have never been so embarrassed in all my life and had to spend the entire evening explaining where he was; that he simply couldn't be bothered to go. He wonders why he has no friends. He spent years not talking to me for no reason and I thought this would be a good attempt to get things back on track. Instead, I feel more resentful of him than ever. He hasn't got a good word to say about anyone. He spins this sob story about how hard he works (which he does) but it is all he ever talks about and every conversation is twisted back to this subject. He has been doing this every day for the past 26 years but doesn't change his job, and yet we are supposed to feel sorry for him. 36 people out of 100 invites came to the party and ended up rattling about in this almost empty venue. My Mum annoyed me because she didn't have the get up and go to organise any entertainment but wouldn't let me organise it so it was like sitting in a morgue! 64 people didn't come! I believe they were waiting for better offers which I think is the height of bad form. Almost all of these didn't have the courtesy to say that they couldn't make it. I believe this rudeness is very commonplace these days. My boyfriend's cousin is going frantic because masses of people haven't bothered to reply to his wedding invites so he doesn't know how many people to cater for. Why are people so rude in waiting for better offers/not bothering to RSVP? I now realise who my real friends are. There are some that travelled 100's of miles to be there. Yet, we were let down by so many more that I feel reluctant to have anything to do with most of them.
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female
reader, Laura1318  +, writes (16 April 2008):
 What can you do about such apathy from people?
Leave them be and now you know who are your true friends.
To those who do not RSVP, just leave them out.
A
female
reader, Tisha-1  +, writes (15 April 2008):
 It does sound like a very grim party, I'm sorry for that. You seem to have put a great deal of emotional value on it going well, and I think in a way you might have been a little unrealistic about it solving all the problems that your family seems to have been having. There seems to be loads of hurt feelings, resentment, anger and unresolved issues swirling round all of this.
Why not start today with a fresh outlook, and take small steps, rather than pinning it all on one huge party, and reach out to your father and your friends. Those who didn't come may not have realized how important this was to you, so don't cut them off without talking to them first. Forgive them if they hurt you unintentionally.
As for the lack of RSVPs, I know all about that too, I had to track down the non-responders for my wedding years ago, and I still have to do that when I have big parties now. Very annoying. The only thing to do is to phone them up and ask them if they plan to attend or not.
I hope you have some time to cool down a little before calling some of your no-show friends. All the best.
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