A
male
age
26-29,
*y014
writes:Me and my girlfriend are both 14 and are madly in love. weve been together for about a year now and had protected sex a few months ago. she ended up having a miscarriage and that made us both completely sad. :( We love eachother alot and wanna have a baby together. people judge us on our age and say we dont know what love is. well, there wrong. love is real. u just need to find the right person. i have the girl of my dreams and shes so perfect. weve been talking and are planning on trying to have a baby again. should we try again? cause she really wants to have my baby and i want her too. Reply to this Question
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female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (31 August 2010):
 What did the doctor say after the miscarriage? Was it a good idea to try again? Is her body ready for it? What kind of risks does the baby face being born to a high-risk category mother?
What did your parents say, as they are still responsible for your upbringing, and apparently, will have to support you and a grandchild? Did you check to see that they'll have enough money to clothe, feed and house a grandbaby too, as well as the 14 year olds? Oh, and who's going to look after the baby when you're busy finishing school? Do your parents work? Who's going to do the shopping and the cleaning and the driving around, as you obviously would have to take the bus everywhere? Who's paying for the gas and which health care plan will the baby be under?
I'll bet you won't be able to answer each and every one of my questions. We all know you are too young, immature and not ready. Don't do it. The baby will have a major handicap right off the bat, seems very childish and selfish to subject a baby to a compromised lifestyle from the get-go.
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female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (31 August 2010):
 Went to Walmart on my lunch hour to pick up some items for grandkid #8 due in November. Two packages of newborn night gowns, a package of sleepers, baby rattle, baby socks,and a baby blanket....$62. And Ty, your girlfriend posted this earlier today.
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male
reader, Serpico +, writes (31 August 2010):
Before you decide to have a child, please prove to me that you are capable of having one. Specifically, please outline all future costs, projected income, and living arrangements going forward for at least the next ten years......
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female
reader, tigz16  +, writes (30 August 2010):
sorry to hear about the misscrriage but please wait till you are older what life would the child have if you dont work go throgh the education and get a job and then have a baby it would have a much better life and you can spoil it more lol you have the rest of your life ahead of you live it first and child could hold you back and you wont have much life
best of luck in the furture though x
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (30 August 2010): heyyah im 15 and i had a miscarriage and its not nice at all....i wud never wish it upon anyone and i know that you 2 must be really emotional at the minute but at 14 u shudnt be thinkin about havin a baby whether ur in love wiv each other or not ur way too young and i realised that i was too young to have a baby even tho i wanted to keep mine as well.....me and my partner have decided to wait a few more years till we start our own family becoz then we will be in a more stable relationship, we will hopefully have our own home and we will both have steady jobs.......so please please think about havin another baby and what u are gonna put urself thru becoz it might have been the fact that she was too young to carry a baby in which case what if she does get pregnant agenand has another miscarriage??? do u think you will be able to cope wiv the pain of losing another baby???? just think about it before u make the wrong decision good luck to u both in the future
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (29 August 2010): Wait until you both have a high school diploma AND a job. You may be madly in love with each other, but a baby takes lots of money to be raised. Just ask your parents.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (29 August 2010): At 14 your girlfriend is not old enough to carry a child. Chances are she miscarried because her body is not ready to support a child.
You'd be doing both her and any future child great harm if you continue down this path.
You are still a child. Enjoy it while it lasts
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female
reader, Miamine +, writes (29 August 2010):
 No babes, if you love her, then kiss and hold her and find a way to do well at school and get a good job with money. She'll love you more if you get a good job and can buy her and your "future" baby anything. Life is hard when you are young and poor.. far better to wait and get rich.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (29 August 2010): Forget about what you two want, the most important person in this is the baby you would be bringing into the world with 14 year olds as parents. You are both still at school how are you going to pay for all the things the baby needs?
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reader, anonymous, writes (29 August 2010): Obviously, the baby wasn't planned. So I'm guessing because she got pregnant and lost it and as you're both so young, it's made you both very emotional and has now 'put the thought' into your heads you now want a baby.
Believe me, you're both way too young. It's like kids raising a kid! You're way too young to be having sex, let alone having a baby.
You're both going through a phase and it WILL pass. Once you get older and want to go out and have a CAREER you will think, what the hell was I thinking? Because you cannot do that once you have a baby.
Besides, how would you be able to provide for a child? You have no idea how much hard work and what a huge responsibility it is to have a baby. It will also put a big strain on your relationship where you should be enjoying yourself at your age and many years to come. Your parents will end up looking after it.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (29 August 2010): My best friend was a beautiful girl; she'd won many beauty contests and was a model at the age of 12. She'd been with her boyfriend for 4 years when she turned 17. She accidentally became pregnant; through PROTECTED sex. Now, she has twins. She barely leaves the house. Her partner works every hour of the day to attempt to support them and they barely see each other. She's pale and gaunt and thin, and the last time I saw her she broke down in tears wishing, however much she loves her children, that she had had an abortion. If you love her, DON'T get her pregnant. I've seen what having a baby too young can do to a person. It destroyed her life, and it'll destroy your girlfriend's too.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (29 August 2010): Just take a look at the movie "For Keeps" its an 80's movie about that and you'll know what GROWN UPS are talking about.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (29 August 2010): i'm really sorry you guys suffered such a loss - i reall am - tis never an easy thing to deal with and i'm happy that you have clung closer together at this critical time. However i would say that the miscarriage has acted as a word of warning, saying that a baby right now is not on the card for you two. I think you should listen - had you meant to have kept that baby then you would have but there is a reason you have not. I believe everything happens for a reason, even the saddest and most heart breaking of things. Plus, another baby is not gonna take the pain away the loss you feel over this first baby, it will just cover like a plaster for a while but ultimutely it will still be there. You need to deal with it emotionally and mentally before rushing to have another child. Plus you are young, i'm not saying you are not genuinly in love because love is love regardless of age however you are quite young to be having a child yourselves. Its like children raising children - i also imagine that because of your age, it won't really be you too taking care of your child ... it'll be YOUR folks and the state. I think wait until you are atleast a couple of years older - graduate school, experience college, get a job - have some sort of future and life before you invite another person into the mix because you may not have the life experience to handle it and also the kid may resent you for not being old enough to care for all his/her needs. don't rush - please - don't rush.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (29 August 2010): You are both too young. You two going to have your own house together? at age 14? no I did not think so. Your poor parents will be stuck looking after the child unless they rebel and put the kid into foster care.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (29 August 2010): Firstly I am very sorry that you had a miscarriage, that is a terrible thing to happen at any age and I hope you can both support each other through this difficult time.
I think you are fundamentally wrong, however, on why people judge you, and you immaturity shows through in this. Love has nothing to do with this whatsoever; I doubt that people are questioning whether you love each other or not. People are judging you on the question of whether they think you are capable of bringing up a child properly. There are several very important issues regarding this, and you really need to be able to answer yes to the following questions to be able to raise a child properly.
1)Do you own or rent your own house?
2)Do you both have good jobs with at least one of you working full time?
3)Have you finished you education?
4)Are you able to offer your child a good life in your own home in a stable environment without sponging off the state or others in order to be able to do so?
5)Do you know how much it costs to raise a child and have you got any savings?
6) Does at least one of you have a car and a driving license?
7) Are you having sex legally?
8) Are you married or engaged?
9)Will you be able to pay for childcare if you need it?
Well, first off you are having sex illegally as you are underage, so that is where we are starting from. Your level of education is basic at your age and you have next to no life experience. Your age combined with education means you won't have a decent job even if you have one at all, and that means that you won't be able to provide for a child properly. You will sponge off the state and your families and expect other people to foot the bill because you are too selfish to wait to have a child.
If you are that keen in each other then why don't you get engaged first. I don't know what you think you can offer a child either unless you have the resources, both financially and emotionally.
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A
male
reader, baddogbj  +, writes (29 August 2010):
 Do you have any idea how much it costs to care for a child?
Don't do it.
By all means love your girl and hold on to her for ever but wait until you are both at least 20 before you have a baby.
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female
reader, maverick494 +, writes (29 August 2010):
It's great you two care so much for eachother and want to have a family. The thing is, at your age you lack so many things that could make this work:- you live under your parents' roof. You have no place of your own and don't have the money to pay for one- you haven't finished the basic education. If you every have the ambition to go further beyond highschool, it will be incredibly tricky with a baby in play. - You're not even adults yet. That means that every big decision has to be made with your parents consent.- You're young which means you haven't seen much of the world yet. 14 might seem a lot at your age, and I thought so too when I was it. Now at 22 I realize how young and naive I was back then. You will probably react by telling me you're not naive, but really, you haven't thought this through.Some questions for you:1. What future will await your baby? Who will raise it, who will pay for the costs, will you enable your child to go to college when it gets older or will you always be struggeling financially? 2. Are you ready to give up your life and take on full responsibility for this child's life? That means, not going to parties, not going out, no holidays while it is young, basically you are cutting short your childhood. While other people are going to sports matches you are home caring for the baby. When people are at late parties, you're up because the baby can't sleep. Also, many teen parents have seen their friendships wither and die because of th difference in lifestyles. You might think you will not miss it, but most do. Look, what you two have seems special. Why not wait and stay together until you have atleast finished highschool and THEN decide whether you want a baby or not at that time. You'll have more life experience under your belt AND you know whether you were right about this relationship lasting. Please, please THINK. If you really are as mature you obviously believe yourself to be you will consider my words carefully.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (29 August 2010): Are you serious?! I've been through miscarriage, I know how hard it is and the emotions that come with it. Slow down! Me and my boyfriend are planning to try for a family in December but we're older than you (him in particular, me not so much) and we have a stable home for a baby. Can you provide for a baby at 14? It wouldn't be fair on your parents!
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female
reader, BeckyBexx +, writes (29 August 2010):
To tell the truth bab
Your both 14 years old and shouldn't be thinking of having children.
you might be happy but your both still in school why not wait a few more years and then both talk it out and see how you feel then.
(at your age you should be thinking of what GCSE results and what job you two want after school)
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (29 August 2010): Hi, I think that you should wait a few years to have a baby. I say it from experience. Having a baby that young is no picnic. You need to finish highschool at least, so you have enough money to provide for the new baby. And also, enjoy being young and dont rush into this. Trust me, its not fun when all your friends are out having fun and you are stuck at home with a baby. I say if you really love eachother, respect eachother and grow up. When you have a full time job and a place of your own, then you can think about having a baby.
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male
reader, Cerberus_Raphael  +, writes (29 August 2010):
 You're only fourteen years old! That's too young to have a baby. I know this isn't what you want to hear but you really don't know what love is. You're still going through adolescence, you're going to be host to a flurry of emotions before you can even begin to realize what they are. True anger is more than you've ever felt before, as you grow, you're going to become more aggressive, whether or not it is by choice.
You are not ready to be a father and she is not ready to be a mother. Physically and mentally. If you two really do love each other, you will wait until you're both older (legal age at least) to bring a child into this world.
Have you even considered what it's life would be like? How will you support it financially whilst you both still have to focus on your education. You cannot rely on your parents to take care of a baby YOU decided to bring into this world before you were old enough.
I trust you already know heartbreak if your girlfriend had a miscarriage. I'm sorry it happened that way but no, you shouldn't try again.
I hope that helps.
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