A
female
age
30-35,
*uperbunny
writes:My parents split up about a year and a half ago, but the divorce is only being sorted out now. It's exceptionally complicated because they own a business together as well.There are many reasons as to why they split up - they're just two very different people who have grown apart; but rather nastily!There's a lot of hurt between them, turns out my dad was seeing someone else towards the time he moved out, and just recently it asked to come back, has ended his relationship and gives my mum flowers etc. My mum is far too confused about what she wants to do and it breaks my heart seeing them like this and when I'm away at university I can't help them and when I'm hear I get dragged so down by it all (I suffer from depression and if I'm left to my own devices I can control it but when I'm around negative influences I get dragged down too easily I feel).My dad is exceptionally dominant over my mum, but my mum is too much of a push over anyway and I just can't help them and they just don't listen to themselves and they're too busy throwing stones at the other one and the other one's family influence to look at their own mistakes or families and it's so upsetting.I'm just at the end of my tether and I just don't know what to do. Everyone says it's easier being older when your parents split up, but it's just not because you're so much more aware of what's going on. :(How can I help them and try to remain impartial at all times are well as not getting to down?Any advice would be gratefully accepted, thank you x x x x
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Quacked +, writes (22 July 2009):
 Firstly, Having your parents split up is terrible at any age and as you say when you're older you understand so much more.
It is very difficult watching the family crumble around you.
You say that your mum is confused in terms of what she wants etc so might i suggest you talk to your dad first and try and get him to understand that. Explaining also that his current attempts aren't working and are just hindering the whole thing. Also explain that you hate to see them like this and that you understand where he's coming from.
Then talk to your mum and try to help her clear her head. It might be that fear is holding her back or that she wont ever get over the problems they had so it will never work. Whilst shes talking mention the positives and negatives to help her be open etc.
Then you can follow this up by acting on what they say...ie if your mum decides that there isnt a chance you can convince her to express that to your dad and if its positive then get them together to discuss the next step. Start again, take things slowly - so that your mum has control rather than your dad dominating.
Failing that...get them to go to relate (relationship counselling) - impartial help and you are kept out of the firing line and can stop worrying so much.
In terms of remaining impartial it will be ridiculously difficult as you are so involved and care! If you can get them to bear you in mind in their actions and can achieve the above hopefully you wont need to worry. To avoid getting down find yourself a sounding board (a good friend, tutor, the samaritans, me, etc) let it out of your system and gain a new perspective!
Chin up!
Yours,
Quacked
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