A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Lately i'm questioning if I can be friends with this girl and guy that i live with. We met as she was friends with a friend of a guy I was seeing. While seeing him she would sometimes be around, and on one occasion I invited her to sit with us, big mistake as she soon started flirting with him, and he was loving it as i'm quite reserved and not good at that kind of thing. Still I carried on seeing him, and he would mention that she was cute as she was short and couldn't reach stuff, I didn't think anything of it at the time. He also mentioned that she was the same hight as his ex, leading me to think that every time he sees her he thinks of his ex who was his first love.well as time went on he treated me really well and looked after me as I was going through a lot, I knew he was friends with her and her friends and it soon became clear that he was spending a lot of time with her. I was developing feelings for him and becoming attached, when out of the blue I ended up in a situation where her friend offered for me to become roommates with them, at the time i didn't know this included the guy i was seeing, when i did realise it was too late as i desperately needed somewhere to live and had said yes to this girl. Meaning that the next year i would be living with a guy i had dated and had feelings for but was no longer seeing, and a girl who he obviously had a soft spot for along with her best friend and another girl.this year has been hell as i have been trying to get over him while watching how close he is to this girl who i also became friends with for a while, in an attempt to join their group but it became clear to me from the things she said that he was visiting her when we were going through bad times. It makes me feel a fool because all the time i spent with him and he was never the way he is with her with me. It crushes my heart and makes living with them difficult. i don't know what to do i hear them laughing and talking and feel so lonely.I dont have any friends and find it hard to make any he was always there for me and really my only friend but i feel i've lost him to her, even though i've come to the point where i realise i'm not attracted to him my jealousy means i can barely look at him anymore as i feel worthless and not good enough to be his friend. i used to be friend with both of them but its becoming really difficult for me to see how close they have become.How can I overcome these feelings and hold my head up high and carry on with my life? I think about him all the time and it is driving me insane
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female
reader, Tisha-1  +, writes (5 May 2011):
 I would say that you need to change your living arrangements, if you are living with the two of them as roommates. That would be the start, and then it's time to examine why you feel friendless. What's going on with you that has left you feeling so low and unhappy, it can't be all on him and this relationship. If it is, then you are in some deep need of balance and more energy in your life.
What are your passions? What do you love to do and what takes you out of yourself, what do you lose yourself in, in a good way? Go do more of that right now and make an effort to get out and meet up with people, every day, even if it is a struggle.
I would tell you to get to the doctor and make sure you don't have some underlying condition like anemia that is holding you down and keeping you from enjoying life to the fullest. Also discuss the symptoms you are experiencing with the doctor, as you may be suffering from mild depression. I don't know, I'm not a doctor, you have to be seen by a medical professional.
Basically, tackle this as though it's a set of things you need to do for yourself, to improve your mood, your outlook, your energy level.
I have a website that might have a good effect for you:
http://moodgym.anu.edu.au/welcome It's website for people who experience depression or anxiety to work through their thoughts. Kind of a reality check and may help you deal with these feelings you are experiencing.
Good luck to you as you cope with your new "normal." Sorry it isn't the happy ending you'd imagined. Now it's time to create your own new happy ending! I know you can overcome this and enjoy your life again, just give yourself the tools to do so.
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