A
male
age
41-50,
*ute guy
writes:I need some real help. I feel so lost. I went through a separation from my wife a while back. During which time I had an affair that was the biggest mistake of my life. I invested all my love into the wrong person. This person broke my heart into a million pieces. My wife and I went through alot of counseling and god bless her, she forgave me and has been the most supportive person I have ever known. The separation we went through was my doing and even through it all she hung in there with me and patiently waited for me to return to her. Through everything I have come to know she is the one I was meant to be with and she has proved her love for me more than I could ever have expected. I am now feeling like while I know I love her, I am still mourning the past relationship I had that I got burned on. I know the girlfriend was the wrong person and I paid the price with my heart, but I am still in agony. It's been three weeks since I've last spoken to her. I've since been prescribed Setraline, which is an anit-anxitey/anti-depressant and I'm feeling more anxiety than I ever have before. I know thats a side effect of the medication, but has anyone had any similar experiances with it? Also am I doing the right thing by standing by my wife or am I just lost? I just want to be happy again...
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (23 May 2011): I understand what are feeling in ur mind.. feeling cheated, used, burnt, guilt...it will be there for some and then it will become normal.
try to be out with your wife. make some vaccations. it will help you forget..
also think that it was a learning experience.. thank god for the same.. mistakes are part of life and source of learning.
A
female
reader, rocc  +, writes (1 May 2011):
I dont know why you went back to your wife again. You like your ex, she left you or broke your heart. Its better talking to her and getting the situation sorted, or forget your ex as a bad dream and live with your wife.
Things are better for you, you need to get on with it, without spoiling your life. You should probably think how your ex broke your heart every time when you think something good about her.
Its tough, but being stronger is life. That applies both to physical and mental fitness. Getting mentally fit is even tougher. First sort yourself out , come out of anxiety drugs. Stop thinking about your ex, read more books and see friends. Its a long way.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 May 2011): Mister you got a second chance and not too many people who have affairs and destroy their spouses have this second chance.
It serves you right that your lover tramples on your heart after all you disinvested in your wife and couldn't give a sh1t about her. But good woman that she was, she waited patiently, going through the process of grieving for a dead/dying marriage.
Enough is enough: get your sh1t together: your wife deserves better than what you are giving her. You are now either fully committed to her and your marriage or not: so you decide then follow through.
Enough of your pity party: the drama is over. Take a deep breath and soldier on.
As for your wife, if she is as wonderful, as I think she is, it is only a matter of time before she catches the eye of a faithful man and THEN all your hopes will Definitely be lost. Don't take your wife for granted. You have done this throughout your whole marriage.
Your lover is out of your life and she should be.
Isn't it funny that your lover stomped on your feelings and you did the same to your wife? Just imagine what your wife went through with you. Dammit you have another chance and if you are not fully committed to your wife then allow her to find a man who will be.
Sorry to be harsh but I hate when people get a second chance they still mess up.
LoveGirl
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (1 May 2011): "am I doing the right thing by standing by my wife"
Get this straight right off in your head. YOUR WIFE is standing by you, YOU ARE NOT STANDING BY YOUR WIFE.
You are mourning the loss of an affair. That is hurtful to the person cheated on and demonstrates a lack of commitment to the marriage still.
Which do you want, the affair, the marriage, or both?
If your counselor hasn't been able to help you beyond this point, perhaps you need another counselor.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (1 May 2011): I think that you still love your ex otherwise you would not came here asking questions...
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