A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:I have been seeing a guy for 2 months. Prior to him I had been on several bad dates and wasn't looking for anything serious, but felt different with him. He on the other hand went through a break-up 7 months before we meet and later after we were dating he told he was not over her and that it was hard for him to get over since he has to see her a lot. They don't talk much and she is with someone else. Things between us are great and we have a lot in common and good chemistry. Well, we agreed just to take it slow. After we had spent 3 days in a row together I went home and he wanted me to stay, but I said no. The next day I explained that I wanted to keep to his wishes of taking it slow (plus 3 days of looking at his ex gets old since he still has a picture of them in the office). Well, he explained that he wanted to go slower and that he wasn't looking for a serious relationship and still needed room to breathe. Well, I never said anything about moving on from where we were and I agreed that the two of us had a good thing going. But, it really hurt, because at the same time he said if something came along he wouldn't hesitate, and that he wasn't looking or trying to date anyone else. He suggested I got out on other dates, but I am not that type of person. Anyways, we out with his friends and I have continued to try stay in the relationship. Last week he told me that I made his dreams come true, and since things had been going good and he had agreed a month ago to take a trip with me I booked it. After I booked the trip he got distant again and then didn't seem to want to see me. When he thought I was mad I explained I wasn't, but felt pushed away and I was backing off. The next day he said he was sorry and was not pushing me away at all. I then explained some of my feelings, but left others out. I never really got a response, but that night he texted he couldn't sleep and the next day we booked another trip as a favor for him. I just don't know if I should continue to go on this roller coaster of get close, get pushed away and back and forth. I am really not sure what to say or do with out coming off as I am looking for more of a relationship. I just want to keep being who we are and as we are, but with the same goal in mind of a possible relationship in the future. I just can't seem to tell if he wants to be with me or not. Can anyone else????
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female
reader, uraqt9697 +, writes (25 June 2008):
i was in the same situation and the same position in which you are.Before I got involved, I explained to the man that I wanted to take it slow, but that I needed some sort of commitment before I spent time and energy on him, and that commitment was to use our time dating and getting to know each other to decide whether or not we want to be in a relationship later on down the road when he was ready. Basically that unless we find were not a good match, we are working towards a relationship.I completley understand where youre coming from. Of course you dont want a relationship too soon, but at the same time, it's not fair to be dragged along as you are.I wouldnt give him a tough ultimatum such as tell me now whether or not you want to be in a relationship.Rather, I would make certain that he is on the same page as you, and then, if he keeps giving you mixed signals, and you feel like you're not getting what you derserve, move on.
A
male
reader, loveguru23 +, writes (25 June 2008):
Well...by not really knowing how he's thinking, the best thing you can do is ask one time more...and ONE time only where you both stand. If he says this time that he only want to be friends and go slow...then go slow. You should still try to date other people though.
Hold on to the thought that you both may be able to have something serious in the future though..becuase that still is possible.
Daniel Amis Author & Relationship Coach
www.relationshipadvice4you.com
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A
female
reader, goodiea  +, writes (25 June 2008):
it seems that your bloke is still loved up with his past his ex sounds like she has moved on were he has been hurt and is scared to make a commitment you can either wait for him to come to his sences or move on there plenty more fish in the sea your friend lu
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