| A
female
,
*lutter
writes: Should I wait? I have been dating this guy for 5 months. He is 41, I am 31. He was married for 10 years, divorced four years ago, which was a big big blow to him. He has two kids from his marriage. Since then he has had one serious relationship. We have formed an intense sexual friendship/relationship. I have become very close to his family, and go with him to all the family do's. His family adores me. We do all the 'couple' things, like go away for weekends, spend weekends together, go for romantic dinners, etc. But, he is very adamant that he is not ready to commit in anyway, and might never be, we are just friends. Should I wait around? and hope he changes his mind?
View related questions:
divorce Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (26 April 2006): 5 months and you have an intense sexual relationship, a friendship, he's allowed you to know his family, and you seem to be doing couply things.It sounds like you're in a commited relationship to me. Perhaps he needs showing this?I'm guessing he is probably afraid of the word commitment. Perhaps he associates it with divorce, rejection and failure?You need to think how important it is for you to hear him tell you that he's commited to you. If you're commited in all but name, and are ok with this, there's no problem.If you want him to say the words, and he won't, don't wait around for ever to hear them, because you might be waiting a long time.
A
female
reader, miss b +, writes (25 April 2006):
 the divorce was obviously hard so he is just taking things slowly with you
...............................
A
female
reader, xxxsoulsistaxxx  +, writes (25 April 2006):
 I suppose the only answer to this is 'do you think he will change and be the man you want him to be?' If the answer is no, you know the answer to your question.
It must be so hard, loving someone but wanting different things. He sounds like he's been really hurt and is scared of doing that all over again. I think, if you really love him, you need to be patient and show him how happy he can be with you. Once he realises what he has, he will commit to you.
However, if you want commitment now and sometime in the near future, and you don't think he will ever be able to give you that, you may want to walk away. It would be a shame to waste something so good but everyone deserves to be happy and if he isn't willing to do what will make you happy, it's time to move on.
My overall advice is give it time. You love him and care for him enough to at least give him that chance to prove himself to you. Good luck.
...............................
|
