| A
female
,
anonymous
writes: I'm a successful 26yr-old who's actually done really well in school/career stuff. Everyone tells me I'm very smart, and I have good marks to show for it, and I'm happy about that. I always figured I was lucky to have been born with some great talents, and I wanted to use them for something important.The thing is, as happy as I am that things have been going well, I really don't care about my career all that much. It's great, and I'm glad about it, but what I want more than anything is a family - not RIGHT NOW, necessarily, but in the next few years for sure. I met the love of my life about a 1 1/2 yrs ago - he's brilliant and funny and everything I was looking for. We became good friends and then dated for 11 months. Last week, he broke up with me because he felt like my success was outshining him, and he couldn't handle it. He said he felt like a house-wife. He said he wouldn't care about being "beaten" by any other girl he knows - just me, because I think that kind of thing is important. He said he loves me (he's never been in love before and never lies about how he feels, so it's definitely what he thinks), that he knows he won't ever find anyone he could love as much as he could have loved me, but at least it will be less painful.I don't know what to do. In all my life, I've never been so unhappy. I'm devastated. I miss him every second of every day, and I don't even want to imagine my life without him. I don't want to get over him; I don't want to learn to love someone else. But I don't have a choice - either I get over him and move on, or I spend the rest of my life feeling sorry for myself. But how do I carry on? This guy is one of the very smartest people at what is probably the most prestigious graduate program in the country - I tell people just a little about him, and they're amazed.If even he - someone who loves me, and who is absolutely amazing - can't handle my success, how on earth will anyone else ever be able to? I don't understand. I don't want to undermine my success. I've worked hard to get where I am, because what else was I supposed to do? I'm 26 and still single - I have to have a career, so I feel like I should try to do something useful and take full advantage of the gifts I was lucky enough to get.But will it always be like this? I've dated other guys seriously before, but they never saw me as their equal - I was this great thing that they put on a pedestal and idolized. I just want someone wonderful, to love me - really me. And now, I've found that guy, and his own insecurities are keeping us from being together. I feel like my time is running out. I've always been told that I'm beautiful, but how long can that possibly last? Already, if I look closely, I can see little lines on my face. Is there anyone out there for me?
View related questions:
broke up, move on Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, eyeswideopen  +, writes (17 January 2006):
 Those little lines on your face are the cracks in your character showing through. Sounds like it's all about you 24/7. Love is a two way street and you appear to be a road hog. Next time you find someone try to focus in on them and their dreams as well as your own. Share the road.
A
reader, Rebecca Batchelor +, writes (17 January 2006):
 There might be someone out there for you if you stop looking in the mirror!
Sorry to be harsh but it strikes me that it isn't just people you have known who have been putting you on a pedestal but yourself as well. The way you look and what you have achieved are only small parts of you and what you would be offering a relationship would be so much more.
If you honestly don't wish to be idolised and you really want to be your mate's equal, then it is up to you to make them feel at ease and to put them first as opposed to the gifts you have.
If you want someone wonderful to love you then you need to show them the real you; all your own vulnerabilities and faults and the natural person you really are.
It sounds as if the man you cared about had his own set of insecurities that involved not wanting to be 'beaten' by you when you could have shared your successes together. That is a shame.
Remember, you will find someone if you show who you really are which can embody many qualities apart from being talented and intelligent. You may have a great sense of humour, be very affectionate and loving, have great empathy and insight...whatever your characteristics, show them to a potential partner and he will fall in love with you.
Beauty is only skin deep...show the next man that the beauty you have inside you will always last.
...............................
|
