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female
,
*onfused!
writes: What the hell should I do?Last summer i met my ideal man, he's caring, thoughtful, always gives me compliments, sexy, good in bed and very touchy feely. But the problem is i already have a boyfriend of 4 years who is the total opposite of this. Im insecure and need to be told im loved every month or so. but my current boyfriend never tells me this he doesn't hug or kiss me either ever! The only physical contact we have is sex. In the past he has been violent and he also drinks alot. My ideal man has asked me to leave my bloke and live with him, which i'd love to do, but im scared. my bloke owns half my car plus i owe him about £1000 in total about £3500.i cant afford to pay him back so i feel im stuck. ive tried leaving before but he makes my life hell and says he'l change, which he does for about a week. my ideal man lives 20ish miles away and im thinking about just packing up one day and going but im scared he'l find me or hurt my mum and dad who live near him. Ive asked him to hug me and ive tried all i can in the bedroom, but he just cant turn me on. should i just run off one day and hope for the best or stay and be misserable for the rest of my life? Please help me!
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, confused! +, writes (18 January 2006):
confused! is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you all very much for your support. it makes me feel a lot better knowing that this is what i want to do and its also what others would do themselves. hopefully this will have given me the gentle shove i need to get me out the door. your messages of support brought a tear to my eye, didn't think there were so many caring people left out there! Thanks x
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 January 2006): Go. Now. Today, if possible. Just do it.
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A
male
reader, Buddy104 +, writes (17 January 2006):
Agreed, ditch the current man. Go be with the ideal man. Life is short to be with assholes.
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A
female
reader, CCNJ +, writes (17 January 2006):
You are not happy with the man you're with. Take the initiative and break up with him. Don't do it for the other man though. Do it for yourself. Something is not right. Maybe you'll date the other man. Things may or may not work out. If they don't, you still will have made the right decision. Obviously the man you've been with is not the one for you. Stop torturing yourself.
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A
female
reader, sexseahot  +, writes (17 January 2006):
 You don't need to stay with someone that makes you miserable. You're just torturing yourself. If this other man said to leave him and he's serious about the two of you then do it! Be happy with yourself. Your boyfriend should get over it unless he doesn't have a life and is insecure without you! You never know what will happen, but don't let him know where you're going, this way he won't find you hopefully. He seems to be a dangerous individual that you don't need to be around.
You've lived this life for 4 unhappy years, do you want to live anymore years of this? I would sure hope not!
You should leave your boyfriend and find yourself a new life with your new man that knows how to treat a lady.
Good Luck!
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A
female
reader, Elliekitten +, writes (17 January 2006):
 well you poor girl, you really do need to get away from him dont you, i think for the sake of your happiness you definitley have to leave your current relationship which i feel is going nowhere, this other man sounds excellent and will enhance your life completely, maybe running away isnt the answer but i dont know how violent he is, its a hard one but all i can suggest is to try and get away from him as quickley and as safely as possible even if this does involve just packing and leaving out of the blue. good luck i hope it works out for you.
ellie.
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A
female
reader, aunty butterfly +, writes (17 January 2006):
 hello,
you say you need to be told you are loved every month or so...i think you are missing the fact that you have just had four years of not getting that and put up with it,so you are more secure than you actually think you are,you just need to start thinking it and you should come up with the answers yourself really.it does sound like you need to get out of what's making you sad inside.
personally i feel you should be taking time out for yourself not for yet another bloke,and you must think about the fact that it wouldn't really be fair on you or the other man as it appears to me you'd be on the rebound,cause you are really looking for that certain hero in someone else to come and whisk you away from your dreaded life when all you really have to do is look in the mirror and see your hero staring back at you...take care and good luck xxAunty Bxx
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 January 2006): listen i'm living in the same life as you,i met a man that showed me attention that i have never had before,the trouble was mine was married.get out before its to late.As soon as my son is older enough i will be doing the same,don't live in a loveless relationship.get a loan from somewhere and pay him off what you owe.
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