A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I've been engaged for almost 3 years. I'm always the one keeping the conversation, affection, etc. going. When I stop and sit back and just watch and pay attention to what he does, nothing happens. He never has anything to talk about. It's now a boring relationship and he does nothing for "us". I'm the one taking him on dates. I always go out of my way to show him I love and appreciate him. Its all about him. I feel I have no more energy to keep things alive. It doesn't feel 50/50. When it's convienent for him, that's when he comes to me. I've tried talking to him about it on a few occations and he always says he will try or it's just me tripping. This has now been going on for two years. What am I suppose to do? Does this mean he just isn't into me anymore, or is he too comfortable?
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female
reader, xanthic +, writes (16 June 2010):
 I agree with Sara, he has no reason to make any effort because you're the one doing everything for him. He doesn't return your gestures because he knows you're going to keep it up anyway, so why bother?
It's not a relationship if you're the one doing all the work. If he doesn't make a change, leave and find someone willing to put in as much effort as you are.
A
female
reader, Sara456 +, writes (16 June 2010):
Tell him exactly what you need from him for the relationship to work. If he doesn't give it, then you need to break it off.
It sounds like you do too much and he has no motivation for the thrill of the chase.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 June 2010): you don't want your actual marriage to be like this! is he really the one you want to spend the rest of your life with especially if he acts like this already?? he seems like he's just plain lazy and obviously not into it anymore. if you talk to him about it and he changes for a little chances are he'll go back to what he was like before :(
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A
female
reader, BunnyTee +, writes (16 June 2010):
 Comfortable? I think lazy is more applicable. If you'll do all the work, I think he'll just sit back and allow it. Why put forth effort if he doesn't have to? I suggest having the "man-up" talk with him.
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