A
female
age
30-35,
*estephe3
writes:It’s almost been a year now that I first met my coach I would soon grow to admire and still do to this day. Here’s my (long) recap: Before tryouts, I had no clue what to expect from him, but I’d heard that he’s pretty fun to be around, etc. (He’s a pretty popular teacher). Anyway, after tryouts had ended and we found out who made the team or not, I began to feel comfortable around him and I liked how easy it was to talk to him because of how understanding he was with things I’d tell him. About a couple weeks into our practices, I began staying after a little longer with a couple of my teammates to work on a couple things and he’d stay with us. During these practice times, he’d come over by me and ask me stuff or just joke around, which I thought was kind of cool for him to do. (I’ve never had a coach/teacher act that way to me before). Anyway, it was the day of our first game and it was a pretty cold day. He had brought 2 heavy jackets of his along, in case anyone wanted/needed to wear one to warm up. He told only me to put one on, because to him, I looked cold, but I refused because I would’ve felt weird to do so. (I know that’s kind of weird to share, but I thought that was odd of him to just ask me to wear one). On the bus ride back to school after that game, he kept standing up and looking back at us, and whenever I’d look up, I’d see him looking directly at me! (That’s when I first started to have weird feelings about him). I continued to stay after practices to work on things with him, but I didn’t feel as comfortable around him now. Unlike before when he’d just walk by me and chat about things, etc., he now began to come very close to me, almost too close and chat with me, or show me how to do things correctly, (which included touching my arm/hand). During one of our practices he even took me by the arm and put his arm around me to show me where I was supposed to be during that particular play. At the time, I just noticed he was kind of treating me a little differently from everyone else, so that’s why I began to question some things. I didn’t feel he wanted to hurt me or try to do anything to me, but I didn’t feel the same about him as I had at the beginning of the season. But, after the loss of one of his kids, I put every negative thought/feeling about him and what he’d done, behind me. Of course I felt horrible looking back on what for the past couple weeks I thought he had been doing was wrong ( and a little creepy) and was feeling ashamed of myself. My teammates and I went to the wake, missed school for the funeral, and even went over to his house afterwards to check up on him. I didn’t really like the fact we would be going over to his house, but I was forced into going with the rest of my team. But that’s when I started to admire him as a caring, older man who wasn’t out to get me. As we were all leaving his house, he stopped me to ask how things were going with me. (He was gone for a good 2-3 weeks and I’d gotten hurt in one of our games, so I missed a week or so of games). The fact that he’d asked me that with everything he was going through at the time completely shocked me. To know he’d even remember that small thing about me at a time like that was absolutely amazing to me and I’ll be honest, I felt extremely honored/flattered he’d thought of that. When he first came back, I didn’t think the way I’d had about him earlier in the season, but that feeling began creeping back to me a couple weeks after his return. He continued with the things he’d done before his absence…(talking/standing by me very close, touching my hand/arm, praising me more than my other teammates, giving me more playing time). Part of me liked that he was playing me more and congratulating me on things more than everyone else, but the other part of me didn’t. I wasn’t so sure about our “bond” anymore. I had days where I’d feel excited to see him and days I didn’t want to see him at all, be that at a practice or game. The same things continued with our practices and I just learned to ignore them. Now, looking back on last year and the time I’d spent with him (at practices/games), I do feel he has made a huge impact on my life for the better. He’s an amazing role model and I look up to him. I love him for who he is and I realized that the things I thought he was doing wrongly to me, were only his way of showing “affection”, (if that's the correct word choice), I guess… Today, when I pass him in the hall during school, he’ll always smile, say hi, or wave to me. At the end of the school year last year, I even had him sign my yearbook. He wrote that he’d loved getting to know me and looks forward to having me on a team or in a class in the future. I thought that was nice of him to write. But, what I’m trying to ask is…Was all of this that I went through admiration or a crush? I feel like we did share a good coach-athlete relationship last year and I’m bummed that this year I won’t have him as a coach.I’d greatly appreciate any advice for what I should do this season with not having him as a coach and I’d like to know what your opinions are about this. Thanks. (Sorry this was sooo long, too).
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female
reader, sestephe3 +, writes (28 February 2010):
sestephe3 is verified as being by the original poster of the question Thanks for your thoughts, PuzzleSolver.
With what you said about rushed for time, I never really felt our practices were because 90% of the time, we had enough space/time to practice. I just noticed he never took any of my other teammates by the arm/hand as he did with me. I guess there's a possibility I remind him of one of his daughters; I never thought that could be a reason for his treatment/actions towards me. It's funny that you mentioned maybe I needed more motivation... I strongly believe that wasn't a reason, haha. :) And, I was never at a point where when I felt weired out that it affected my practices or games. He is a very nice guy and I just wanted to know if what I went through last year was just an admiration, or a crush. I've put those things behind me, so now, with a new season starting, I'm remembering & looking back on last year & the great times I had, both with my teammates & him.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (28 February 2010): I have to say that every teacher I've learned really well from had physically come into contact with me in some way or another, but not because they were thinking any queer thoughts about me. I noticed that the ones who care alot about how much you study or how much you practice will actually try every means possible to make you apply yourself. If it means positioning a fighting stance or where to stand, or holding your hand in place while you learn to write when you're little, it was all beneficial to what needed to be learned well. Often when they feel rushed for time, they'll move you by the arm or show you how to position yourself, just to save time. As far as the courtesy and kindness, that could just be him treating you like a teacher's pet, which is common. Often the student reminds the teacher of their own child, or makes them proud compared to the usual experience with students' personalities and lack of motivation. On the other hand, maybe he felt you needed more motivation and attention in order to benefit academically or in this case as a player on the field. He could have felt that by trying really hard with you, you would accomplish alot more than without his trying. I think most everyone remembers at least one teacher from a certain grade or two that acted completely wierd as though they were trying to impress the opposite sex of students, all the time. I never did understand those ones, other than maybe they really do have issues. I think you're just feeling an admiration for him, but it's unfortunate that you had to feel wierded out enough so that it started to affect your playing or practice. I wouldn't read into it too much though, because he's probably just a really nice guy, or may not have even noticed himself treating you better than most.. It can be hard to be really nice to some girls without them feeling wierded out. For instance complimenting someone, or joking with them in a sick way can make one happy and another feel one step away from claiming sexual harassment. For a guy, there's that fine line to be careful not to cross, so I can't say whether as a teacher they are justified sometimes to act really nice to a student, or if they are always breaking the rules when they try their unorthodox approach. Everyone knows that some of these teachers really are bad, and cross that thin line for a bad reason, making the student their victim, so this guy, too, could have had ill thoughts like that, who knows.. I don't think you can ever or would ever want to be too sure whether his intentions were innocent or ill-minded. Maybe it's for the better if you don't have him as a coach or teacher in the upcoming year, in case he is wierd like that, so I wouldn't miss him too much for too long. Just count your blessings that this year you won't have to worry why he treated you differently, because he won't be right in your face anymore, making you feel tense, distracted and uneasy.
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