A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Hi there...i am hoping you can shed some light on my current situation...i know i made a complete mess of everything...pls know that i am deeply hurt for my selfish/coward choices...and don't need anyone judging me...i need serious advice.So...i dated this guy for three and a half years. About a year ago, the condom broke, took Plan B, but within three weeks i found out i was pregnant. What should have been the happiest time of my life, soon became my worst nightmare. Although i desperately wanted to keep my baby, my boyfriend at the time completely lost it and wanted me to abort. He became suicidal, emotionally and verbally abusive towards me...i was in crisis...wanted to save my baby...but didn't want to be responsible if something happened to my bf...that about a month later, i aborted. I honestly felt coerced at that time...but i realized way too late that it was my decision, and no one else's. Our lives spirraled down from that moment. I had suicidal ideation, drank my problems away, became clinically drepressed etc. Seeing me in that state, he started abusing alcohol and drugs himself. The situation was a complete and utter mess. I told him that i needed to leave the country for a while to be with my family (they live in South America) because i needed their love and support. He thought i was going to be leaving right away, so within hours he slept with a friend of his. He told me and it hit me hard. Well...he progressively became worse and worse within a couple days. I tried to be there for him, even tried to get him counselling services but he denied all of the help. He then became physically abusive, and was even more emotionally and verbally abusive towards me. I felt like i deserved his abuse for what i had done, and that it was my fault that he was in the state that he was in. Well...after trying to stay by him for 6 months after the abortion, and seeing how he got worse and worse that i was around because i was a constant reminder of the past, i decided that i should move back with my family so he could get closure. He thought it was the best thing. But the night before my flight left he asked me to stay. But i told him that he would probably change his mind the next day. Well a few hours before the flight, he told me that he would come see me (December 2009)...but a couple hours later he told me that he had just slept with an escort...what a slap in the face. Well...he emailed me for a few days saying that he missed me and loved me...but i couldn't respond because i felt so hurt. A few days after that his emails became very offensive, mean, and hateful. The hurtful emails continued up until january of this year. He's seen other girls in these past few months. But still kept in contact with me through phone and email. About 3 and a half weeks ago, he started seeing someone that he is really into because she's rich, fun, and pretty. In his email he said..."I am sorry...take care and good luck in life". And I hadn't heard from him until yesterday when he wrote..."I hope you see life for what it is now. I am sorry for coming into yours, and thank you for coming into mine". Why on earth would he email me that??? I know I used to be very trusting of people and very naive about things before but i just don't get why he would email me that. Is it because he feels sorry for me??? because that is the last thing i want from him, his pity. Should i block my ex? I just don't know what to do anymore...i desperately miss my baby everyday...everyday i regret what i did...everyday is a struggle...i get so angry/depressed at myself for what i've done...and the crazy part is that i still love and miss my ex despite everything. I try to forget him and want to move on...but it's so hard because of everything...why is it so easy for him to move on and not for me...guys ask me out all the time but i can't bring myself to see/talk to anyone after what happened. That's the last thing i want. I get so disgusted. I think it will take a few years to heal and be able to move past this.I now this is karma biting me in the ass...but does anyone have any advice...Thank you! P.S. I'm planning to seek professional help when i'm ready.
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a break, abortion, condom, drugs, escort, miss my ex, move on, my ex Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 February 2010): That's no karma biting your ass, my sweet girl. That's a very manipulative person biting it. A man making a girl pregnant, then using the ultimate weapon of a death (suicide) threat to make her abort the child she loves and wants, is a truly dark creature. Yes, you should block him.
The email is unimportant, it's just a way of keeping you emotionally bound to him, of asserting power. He certainly does not feel sorry for you, for his escapades with the escort, and his telling you of a 'rich fun and pretty girl' to rub it in, all this on top of his irresponsible and heartless response to your pregnancy and his other abuse, shows that he is incapable of any empathy at all.
You have been ill used and abused to the utmost.
Professional help is a good idea.
Love and good wishes.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 February 2010): alright first off not in a mean way at all.. it was your body if you really wanted the baby you should have kept it and if he wasnt ready then you should have left..but that's said and done now and in the past... dont beat yourself up over things you cant change now.. second when he became abusive you should have left.. but like i said in the past. i think with his email he meant that he knows taht he did wrong with you...therefore (sorry he came into your life) but he thinks you havae helped him in his live (i'm glad you came into mine) its not pity its a thank you. he is trying to right what was wrong.. the best thing to do is to move on now. thngs by the looks of it cant be changed and yes.. it will be hard but if you are determined it will be ok. people are all differnet when it comes to healing time.. so to you what should have taken longer to him may not have seemed that long.. plus he probably wasnt in his right mind.. either way whatever the reason.. you sound better off now and i only see things getting better for you.. i wish you luck.
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