A
female
age
36-40,
*obani
writes:Me and my boyfriend have been together only for 3 months now, we work together and he was engaged twice before and his 2 ex-fiancees also work at the same company and we have common friends, however since our relationship started i've been hearing bad things about him (things that made his ex-fiancees leave him ) such as; he's not a responsible man and he's spoilt and he knows a lot of girls, he doesn't stick to his word and stuff like that , anyway, i ignored what i heard and judged him only according to my relationship with him not according to what others say!anyway, at the beginning, he's been very nice to me , say nice things , bring me gifts, flowers, chocolates and all the things that any girl loves . he's a gentleman too and that what made me fall for him in the first place ; he opens doors , walks between me and the street , calls me a lot to check up on me but 2 weeks ago something changed.. i don't know what it is but i know that he's involved in an important project at work and very stressed up but he began to do things that really made me angry . for example, we don't go out together coz my parents don't allow me to , anyways he told me that he has a lot of female friends and he told me that he wanted to go out with them as he used to and just have fun in a group but i totally refused ,i'm a very jealous woman and he's a handsome guy!! how can i let hom do that!! So he got mad at me but he told me that he won't go but 2 days after he told me that he had a confession to make and that is he was out of mood and really wanted to go out so he went out with his female friends ! i got rly mad but he blamed me saying that it's not fair that he can't go out with me or his friends!! so and in order to please him , the next day, i went out with my friends to the cinema and after the movie finished i called him to come over (it's the first time for me to do so) he told me that he can't coz the streets are crowded!! (N.B: Cinema is 5 minutes far from his home!!!) i was very dissapointed coz i thought he will react differently, especially that we never go out together outside work!! again i got mad at him and we stayed argueing for 3 days as he didn't want to admit he did something wrong! but finally he brought me flowers and said he's sorry then , a week after i was a checking his friends list on facebook and i found a girl from a foreign country putting a photo of a nude girl as her profile picture! so i called him telling him to delete her.. at the beginning i said it nicely but he refused! so i stayed 2 days angry from him till he deleted her!! but i mean if he loves me that much does it really have to be that hard to fullfil such a silly request of mine without that hassle we had?? anyway, we made up but 2 days after something that i just couldn't bare happened ; a friend of mine had a baby and i wanted to visit her at the hospital ( the hosptal is 10 minutes far from work ) but it's in an area far from my house and i don't know it or where the hospital is, so anyway i called him and first asked " are you busy after work?" he said "No" so i said "am going to visit X in Hospital X , do u know where it is?" i don't know about u but i think that the proper answer to my question would be " i'll drive u there!!!!!!!!!" but instead he started to really describe where it is!!!! and he didn't offer anything !! so i changed my tone telling him that i don't know anything at this area so finally he said you want me to show you the way? i said "why did i ask u if ur free today in the 1st place!!!!! " Any way finally he drove his car infront of mine but when we reached the street where the hospital is located he told me u'll find the hospital at the end of this street and just left!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! is this how a loving man supposed to do with his girl?? leave her in the middle of a strange place? what kind of a gentleman is that?? this situation was just it! i felt that he doesn't care about me and then i started to think about what people said to me about him so the next day i told him it's over althought it's killing me inside coz i really love him but what he did proves that he doesn't love me? although from then till now he's been trying to reach me , come to my office, call and sms me asking me to forgive him and that this is not his attitude usually but he's only stressed coz of work and some other problems , that what he did was wrong and asking me to forgive him. i don't know and i don't know whether i should give him another chance or not? i don't know if i'm overreacting or what he did was really bad ? pls. advice..
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at work, engaged, facebook, flowers, his ex, jealous Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Bobani +, writes (12 December 2008):
Bobani is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you all guyz for you useful advices :) just for the record i gave him another chance but we had many fights after so we finally broke up 2 days ago and this time we both were determined to have a final break up so it's over :( anyways thank you all again for your comments
A
male
reader, daver  +, writes (29 November 2008):
I wont go on and on, because I definitely could, but you are definitely overreacting. He sounds like a nice guy and even us nice guys have bad days. My 3 best friends are female and I have to work very hard to make my significant other comfortable with them. He could do a little more of that, from what youve said. In my life, Ive ALWAYS been a very jealous person. Who you talking to , texting, whenre you going, who woth, for how long, etc. etc. I VERY recently learned a valuable lesson. To truly love someone is to trust them to do, say, and thinnk the right thing. That means about everything. Trust me when I say that when you show someone this kind of trust, they love you even more for it AND work even HARDER to keep it because you gave it. Does that mean everyone youre with in your life deserves it??...Absolutely not, BUT give it to people you care about and the ones who appreciate it will help you build an even stronger relationship. The ones who suck and dont deserve it will certainly prove that soon enough and then you can see that they arent worthy of you and you can move on. When you find a deservng person who responds to it with a stronger, more satisfying relationship, nothing can feel more fulfilling and beautiful(not to sound corny). One other difficult thin to accept is that you only control TWO things in your life; 1-your actions 2-your reactions to other peoples actions. Dont try to spend your life controlling others. Let them make decisions solely for themselves. If they love you properly, the choices they make will only make you love them more. Good luck and be careful. Its so hard today to find a truly good and trustworthy person. It sounds like you may have one that youre in love with. DONT lose it because you are jealous or unsure. Keep it for the RIGHT reasons or lose it for the RIGHT reasons. Either way, you win. I wish you the best of luck.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (28 November 2008): Yes, I agree with the first answer. Cut your losses, and move on. Obviously, the rumors were true!
However, jealousy can kill any relationship. There is a need for compromise and openmindedness. Making demands on a 3 month relationship will scare people away from you!
He wanted you to go with him to meet his friends...you may have had a good time and realized there was nothing to be jealous of. But instead, he went without you. A Healthy relationship needs communication (not fighting) honesty, trust, compassion, and a really good sense of humor!
Good Luck in the future!
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