A
female
age
41-50,
*asha gurl
writes:Dear Cupid,I've been dating this guy for about two years and I just broke up with him and I'm feeling a little depressed. In the begining of course, everything was good then he started becoming verbally abusive. He would call me out my name, and then hours later act like he did nothing wrong. Adventually he gave me keys to his house. I assumed having keys would make our relationship better. Instead things got worse. He would come home all types of hours, he sometimes had a pattern of coming in at 2:00 am. He would lay on the couch until about 4:00 am, he'll get up come lay in the bed with me for about 30 minutes, get right back up to make it to work by 5:00 am. I'm not that lost on things I know he was seeing someone elese. That's the only way he would be that distance with me. Then things got even worse when he stayed out all night. When he finally walked in from being out all night it was 1:00 pm in the afternoon the next day. He once again laid on the couch and never said a word to me. That's when I decided enough was enough. I put up with his verbal abuse, disrespect, cheating ways for two years to long. Then for the first time in two years he finally put his hands on me. He tried fighting me for wanting to leave him, he even picked up a beer bottle acting like he wanted to hit me with it. Why did this happen to me when I've been nothing but a good woman to him. I had his back in anything he did. His mom and son loves me, my daughter likes him. I can't understand what went wrong. Our sex life was no more I felt so ashamed to be living with a man who bairly has sex with me, "whats wrong with me"? I thought to myself. Please me tell that I was so blinded by love or stupidity was my middle name. He would give me the shirt off his back, but will turn around and ask for it back when he got mad. I do still love this guy, but I feel that walking away from him would be the best thing for my future. Did I make the right decision? should I try talking to him again about our issues? or just let God handle this situation and leave things be. Please Please write me back A.S.A.P I can really use the advice before I make the wrong decision.Thank YouSasha gurl
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (23 May 2007): My heart goes out to you. My situation was so much like yours that it's scary. My husband decided to cheat while I was pregnant with our second child. He would come home and lay on the couch around 1-2pm and not speak a word to me. This was after being together for 6 yrs. I remember the excruciating pain. I have never felt so much pain in my life. One day, after being in the hospital (dehydration-from being pregnant and sick from the hurt), I decided to pack up the car and leave him. You did the best thing. Now, 3 yrs later-I'm happier than I've ever been without him. I'm with a wonderful man. I guess what I'm trying to tell you is.....If I can do it, you can do it. Move forward! Whatever you do, don't look back. I understand that you love this guy, and you probably always will, but it's not worth your dignity and everything else that your worth. Keep that backbone. You made the first step. You have a long way to go (I can't lie). There will be days when you wanna run back, days when you break down and cry, days when you wanna hide under a rock, But just hold on to your sanity. I promise, you will be fine. You can't see through this storm right now, but there is sunshine at the end. The main thing you have to do is stay busy. Don't spend too much time thinking (I swear, your mind plays tricks on you and you start making your own conclusions and feeling worthless while thinking so much). Get out of the house and surround yourself with positive people who care about you. Please Please whatever you do, DON"T GET A REBOUND RELATIONSHIP, your not ready. This is time for YOU and what makes YOU happy. Good luck
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 April 2007): well let me say that I just broke up with the father of my child and everything you said i can relate to. All he did was cheat and lie call me out my name and alot of diffrent things. I had to face the one fact that he is never going to change its good for a min. then he leaves dont call or nothing i had to come to gasp. He dont love nor care about me. He just used me and that hurts ,but what hurts the most is knowing that he wasnt the one for me and make the choice to walk away.Im in the healing process but i know that time heals everything. So its best for to leave and try not to go back.
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A
female
reader, trueheartconfused +, writes (17 April 2007):
Hi Sasha;
It is absolutely the right thing and only thing you must
do !!
I was in a similar situation and I know how hard it is
to break free from a relationship like this.
First of all I want to say your relationship is broken
doesn't mean you are,you feel rejected , hurt and betrayed
because the time and love you've invested in this man,but if
you had known he would be like this in the beginning,would
you even consider going out with someone like him? probably
not
Right now he jsut reveal the violent side of his true self,which can be a good thing, because you are not married,
you don't have kids together yet , it is not too late, it
is a good thing you find out now, just tell you this : all
of this is just a bad dream .
Let him go and date other people, don't waste your goodness on him . You know this is his loss.
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A
female
reader, deejuliet +, writes (17 April 2007):
 Yes, Sasha, you did the right thing by leaving and I personally know how hard that can be. Give yourself a chance to mourn the ending of this painful relationship, but know that it will get better. If he has physically harmed you once, he will do it again. He may promise not to, but once that barrier has been broken, it will happen. My ex husband was verbally and sexually abusive and I finally left when he started to become more physical and mentally unstable and I feared he would really hurt me or my children.
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A
female
reader, elsie  +, writes (17 April 2007):
 hi sasha you have done the right thing.be in no doubt.you strongly believed he was seeing another girl.you tried your utmost to make it work and that wasnt good enough for him and dont worry no girl ever will be good enough.you know why because these lowlife guys know deep down how inadequate they really are.they go round taking it out on girls like us.the reason you let him stay so long is the very reason that you are beating up on yourself now....low self esteem.decent people feel emotions like respect,care,love,etc thats why we learn and move on.this will make you stronger and can be a guiding/learning curve to refer back to whenever that doubt sets in again.well done and good luck.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (17 April 2007): Hi Sasha,
What you are feeling is entirely normal. Even when we break up from the worst relationships, we still feel depressed, sadness, anger, regret and confusion over what has happened. It sounds to me that you made the right choice and that you feel in doubt because you are clinging on to the happy times, no matter how small they were in relation to the unhappiness that followed. Often people forget how hard it is to walk away from the bad relationships, yet often it is these that are the most difficult to get away from. When love is mixed with pain it breeds self-doubt and that confusing mix of feelings where you want them but know they can never truly ever make you happy.
It can be a difficult journey getting over something like you describe, but time is the healer and with time it will get easier. There are things you need to do to help yourself and that is to be conscious of your thoughts and to try and focus your attention on to things other than on wanting to be with him. Either think about how things weren't right, or think about other things all together. Some people like to focus on work, others on family or friendships. Some people like to take up new hobbies, change their life in some way.
Have strength knowing you did make the right choice and make a promise to yourself that you deserve to be happy and in the future have all the fun times that you haven't quite experienced for a while now. In that time the pain you feel will slowly heal and you'll find yourself becoming more of the person you used to me.
You've done the hardest thing and whilst you're going to have some doubts and temptations ahead of you, you are definitely closer to getting through the other side than you think you are.
Take care and all the best.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (17 April 2007): Your ex was following the typical cycle of an abusive bully and it falls into the category of domestic violence. I can assure you that it will develop into physical beatings if you remain with him. As the situation gets worse, you will doubt yourself more and find it even harder to leave. One of the awful aspects of this syndrome is that you can love the side of your partner that is the nice one, but you can not change the bad side and your physical as well as mental safety is at risk.
There is no way that you can conquer this mental illness of his and you have no choice but to leave. I have been through it and I know. Look up mental abuse and domestic violence on the internet to see what I mean. My ex husband seemed nice until he started treating me badly, then started being unkind to my small boy, started controlling things like the finances, started walking off in huffs, left my small son on his own in a crowded theme park miles from home, bit me, bombarded me with emails, tried to take all my money, tried to make me change my will to make his children my first beneficiaries.... I could not believe it. You know, we had some laughs and good times in the beginning. There was an evil streak in him but I doubted my own eyes and common sense. Make completely sure you keep yours. Even though it all finished three years ago I still get the odd creepy message on my answerphone and I think he has tracked me down....GET OUT.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (17 April 2007): Hi Sasha gurl!Well it sounds like you had 2 put up wiv 2 much 4 2 long!If he abused u then you definitely have 2 just leave him!I know it's hard but you have 2 keep telling yourself do I really want 2 b wiv a man who hurts me and 1 day could go 2 far and hurt my kids or even kill me!I know exactly how you must feel!If you give him a second chance he will just do it over and over again, think about that!Please send me a private email 2 tell me if your gonna take my advice!I'll talk 2 u soon
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