A
female
age
41-50,
*s. suck at love
writes:Yesterday an ex-lover sent me a text message and I simply replied. Then he called me and we began to have a conversation about our past. My ex finally gave me a chance to explain my side of the story about how we ended up going our separate ways. I never cheated on him. I was just going through some issue's of my own. I was forgiven, which was great so I thought. He left his job to come see me. I was flattered and nervous all at the same time. I'm still in love with this man. We broke up only 3 months ago. Anyway, he came over and we had passionate sex. Afterward, he begins to let me know he's in a relationship with another woman. That almost killed me. It felt like he stuck an ice pick through my heart. He never said why he wanted to see me. He did say that we never know what the future holds for us. My question is: How am I suppose to re-act to all this? If he's confident in his new woman, why did he chose to sleep with me after 3 months? Is he trying to torment me? Is this some kind of revenge for us breaking up? I'm sad and confused? Please help!!!
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broke up, my ex, revenge, text Reply to this Question
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male
reader, CMMP +, writes (19 October 2013):
Why do you say he's not a cheater? What exactly do you think happened here? Who knows if he's done it before or not, but he is a cheater.
It's hard to tell exactly why he did it, probably he wanted sex, maybe she did something that made him feel insecure and he wanted to get some to make himself feel better.
A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (19 October 2013):
 Why did he bother you? Because he needed some sex and some lovely life-affirming drama!
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A
female
reader, ms. suck at love +, writes (19 October 2013):
ms. suck at love is verified as being by the original poster of the question@CMMP....You're probably right. He may have been a cheater, I'm really not arguing with that statement. I know for a fact that he was faithful in our relationship. I was just trying to understand: Why after 3 long months of no contact and he started a new relationship, why bother me? Why take me out of my comfort zone. i know I'm no angel, but after he walked away, I had a hard time excepting the fact that it was over. I was still in the process of mourning the end of a good relationship. I hadn't moved on yet. I realized he did use me for his own comfort. It just sucks that I didn't see his motives until after I the fact.
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A
male
reader, CMMP +, writes (18 October 2013):
Why do you say he's not a cheater? What exactly do you think happened here? Who knows if he's done it before or not, but he is a cheater.
It's hard to tell exactly why he did it, probably he wanted sex, maybe she did something that made him feel insecure and he wanted to get some to make himself feel better.
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (18 October 2013):
Sorry but the love of your life IS a cheater and user and a manipulator. He knew he was in a relationship with another woman, he just needed some sex and you were alas, receptive.
Cut him off, go no contact and start a real mourning process for this dead relationship. It's over and you don't need this kind of drama in your life, do you?
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A
male
reader, N91  +, writes (18 October 2013):
 I'm afraid, it's very clear that he is a cheater, or else this wouldn't have happened. He probably got in touch with you because you guys had a history and he probably knows that you still like him, therefore it'd be hard for you to say no to sleeping with him.
I know you wont want to hear this but you have to cut contact, you don't need a guy like this in your life who comes and goes when he needs to get laid outside his relationship.
Just erase him from your life and move on.
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A
female
reader, AuntyEm +, writes (18 October 2013):
 I'd bet my life that the conversation you had with him after he text you, got steamy really quickly!
He texted you, he called you, he LEFT WORK there and then and came over and screwed you!!
Whatever you were saying to eachother, it was enough for him to walk out of work and come over and get into bed with you.
I don't like to knock guys down but men are pretty one track minded about sex and if a clingy female ex is rolling out the red carpet because she wants to see if he's still into her...that man's going to take the bait 99% of the time!!!
Why the hell do you think he didn't tell you he had a girlfriend until AFTER he screwed you??? Because that was his way of telling you that it was just about sex and he wants nothing more from you!!
Sorry to be so blunt but your 'still being in love' with this guy is screwing up your thinking...He does not want you and it has nothing to do with the girlfriend he's seeing now (although I agree that it's her bad luck she's involved with such a weak man)
I have known spurned women deliberately sabotage an ex's new relationship, by giving the guy the come on! knowing he will take the bait and I have known guys who can be in a new relationship whilst still having sex with two or three of their ex's.
It's a BIG OLE' MESS. Be smart, cut the contact, walk away!!!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (18 October 2013): "Why did he choose me to cheat with. That's ass backwards."
Because he was screwing around with your head. It's not supposed to make sense. Least of all to you.
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A
female
reader, Anonymous 123  +, writes (18 October 2013):
 Shame on him for cheating on his girlfriend. And you should have known better than to have sex with an ex. If you've broken up with him, stay strong and stick to your decision. Otherwise, you'll just end up being an FWB and we all know how that goes.
Maybe he's still not over you, maybe its revenge sex, maybe its his way of trying to show you what you've been missing...just a sneak peek and then he'll be back with his girlfriend and you'll be left shattered.
However, no matter how you see it, at the end of the day he is just using you. He's using you to make you feel bad, to confuse you, to tantalize you, to disturb you, to rattle you, to cause you grief, to give you sleepless nights, to torment you. Maybe he feels he was treated wrongly by you and this is his way of trying to get back. Who knows?
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A
female
reader, ms. suck at love +, writes (18 October 2013):
ms. suck at love is verified as being by the original poster of the question@N91.....I totally agree. What I don't understand is why(?). He's not a cheater. Once he's with a woman he is faithful. So why cheat on the new girl. I can't see her doing anything wrong at the beginning of a new relationship. The main question is: Why did he choose me to cheat with. That's ass backwards.
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A
male
reader, N91 +, writes (18 October 2013):
He wanted to see you to sleep with you by the looks of things.
Wouldn't surprise me if he was back in touch to have sex again. In simple terms, he's using you.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (18 October 2013): One of the cruelest things some people do when they breakup; is test the dumper, or dumpee, for signs of lingering emotion. See if they can still stirrup ill-will and tear the scars off of healing wounds. You were totally set up. He reeled you in only to have sex with you, and to stroke his own ego. He needed to know you weren't making too much progress in flushing him out of your system. Yes, he very much was seeking cold-served revenge.Do not over-react. That would only give him sick pleasure knowing he ripped your heart out. I don't care who was the dumper and who got dumped; it's a mean-spirited trick, and it was just to get you into bed, and to confirm you still have feelings for him. That sets you back, and makes the fact he has someone else burn all the more.This is a an old trick. Now do you see why you're told to go "no contact?" It's a lesson learned, and I'm sure the sex wasn't bad; although it was totally against all rules after a breakup.I got played by an ex a few months ago myself. I was invited to an awards dinner. He was one of the recipients. He arranged to drive me; because it was a bit out of the way, and he knew his way there. I had my reservations about going, but we were on the guest list; and I put the breakup aside for this one special night. He purposely got too drunk. He was unable to drive, and his car is a very expensive sports car. My home is closer, and I invited him in. Bad idea, I knew what was up. Well, it didn't change anything, and I've written it off as a slip.It only made it all the more difficult for another mistake to happen. Emotionally, I had to start from square one; and I felt stupid. It took weeks to get it out of my head. I know how you must feel; but don't shed a tear for him, or let him see your emotions. Let it go. Now you know he isn't entirely over you either; but not in a good way. He doesn't want you to move on or be happy. Put on an academy-award winning performance and preserve your dignity. Don't let on how bad it hurts, or you'll give him just what he wanted. To see you squirm.The thing about vengeful behavior after a breakup, is you might get caught up in a destructive cycle. You're actually proving nothing by hurting someone after being broke-up.The logic behind breaking up, is the fact that you couldn't reconcile issues in the first place. Right? It didn't work out. It's a waste of time and energy going tit for tat. It's also crazy, and someone could end up in trouble with the law. The more you get into it, the more emotionally-charged it gets. Someone will cross the line.So don't even consider getting back at him. He got one over; but wait until he sees he doesn't get a rise out of you.Cut off any further contact. Block your phone if you have to. Deal with the fact he has someone else. It isn't going to work out; because he has a taste for vengeance and cheating. She gets the leftovers. It's too soon after the breakup, and he found her on the rebound. She has been setup too.That's the satisfaction you get. Knowing exactly what he really is; and she is yet to find out. I know you're tempted to tell. Why make another enemy? Put the drama-queen on hold. She's dying to get out, and she'll make a mess of things. Stay strong and logical.Kiss and tell, and you'll get the bulk of the blame. She'll also get some joy out of knowing you were hurt. So get any crazy thoughts out of your head. I know how it feels; but you have to take the high road on this one. Trust me on that.Go back to your healing process. You've had a little setback, but what doesn't kill you makes you stronger.It was sex with an ex. It happens. Nothing new. Shake it off.
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